“So they think she…” Emer’s eyes dart away, troubled.
“It’s the logical assumption. Erin didn’t ever talk about being afraid or thinking someone was following her, did she?”
I can see Emer thinking. “I … don’t think so, but … you might want to check with Daisy. I have this memory of her saying something to Daisy, but I can’t think what it was. It must not have been anything very important or Daisy would have said at the time.”
“Maybe it was about Hacky O’Hanrahan? It was Daisy who spoke to him when he called, right?”
“Maybe.” She doesn’t sound convinced, though. “It’s funny about him. I was in a meeting with him a few years ago and I remembered that he’d maybe been seeing Erin. He was putting together some deal with an American technology company and I was brought in to talk about the developers.”
“Did you say anything?” I was curious how he’d reacted if she’d asked about Erin.
“No. It would have seemed mad. It wasn’t my meeting.”
“But you never met him, right? He never came to the house?”
“I don’t think so. But I remembered the name. It was funny to be sitting across from him.”
She tells me about her job as a programmer and I tell her about Lilly and my job. We’re like two old friends, catching up. For a little bit, we forget why we’re talking.
“How is Daisy?”
Emer drains her coffee cup. “She lives in Germany now. Her wife is German and they have a lovely little boy. I get cards from them, but we haven’t talked in years.”
It’s the way she says “wife”—a little hesitant, a little challenging—that makes me search her face. There’s something there that makes me realize what I’d missed twenty-three years ago.
“Hang on, were you and Daisy a couple?” I ask her. “You were.”
She laughs. “Oh God, it must have seemed so odd to you. I’m sure it did to Erin, too. Yeah, we were in love. Or lust, I suppose. No, love.” She smiles a little. “We came to Dublin and got the place together because we wanted to be together for school. But neither of us was ready to be out yet, so we snuck around. Poor Erin. I think we made her really uncomfortable. She must have picked up on something, but we were so closeted—I was terrified my mam and dad would find out—and I think we gave her the idea we didn’t want her around. I’ve felt badly about that, that we weren’t friendlier.”
I’m surprised, but it instantly makes sense. The silences, the way I always felt like I was intruding when I was at the flat. I had been intruding. They just wanted to be alone.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I say. “It’s terrible, but I had no idea. I overheard you whispering once. You spoke in Irish and I understood a few words. Something about a secret and wondering if Erin knew.”
“We couldn’t tell if Erin knew,” she says. “Or if she’d told you. We didn’t know what to do. I didn’t come out for a good five years after that. I think Daisy was longer. Her parents are really conservative. But they’re fine now. She fell in love with a German woman at her first job out of college. They got married a few years ago and live in Aachen. They have a little boy. He’s darling. Her mam and dad love him.”
“And how about you? I was happy to see the news on marriage equality.”
“Yeah, it was fantastic, wasn’t it? My girlfriend and I have been together ages but we haven’t taken the plunge yet. We’ll see. It’s amazing to me to think how far this country’s come in twenty years. Are you married? You didn’t say.”
“Divorced. I got Lilly out of it, though. My ex and I get along well, so it’s okay.” I almost tell her about Conor.
And then she says, “I’ve wondered over the years how you were, whether there was anything new. I wonder and I … like to think she did just take a ferry or a plane somewhere and that she’s happy. Really happy. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I like to think that, too,” I say. “Erin could be so … You never knew what to expect. But when she was happy, she was like a beautiful kite on a perfect day, you know? She could be filled up with joy.”
“I saw that once,” she says. “Not long after she moved in. She’d been out for a walk and she came back, her cheeks pink, her hair all blown by the wind. She was laughing and she said, ‘Emer, I love Ireland! I love it here!’ It was so American, you know? That’s what I thought at the time. But that’s how I like to think of her. That happy and all.”
She walks me to the main door and tells me goodbye. When I turn around to wave, she’s smiling sadly.
36
SUNDAY, JUNE 5,
2016
Stephen Hines is in front of the hotel when I walk Conor down. We’ve been holed up in my room since last night and I look up from kissing him goodbye to find Hines standing in front of the main hotel entrance, pretending to check his phone but watching us with a small smile on his face.
“Detective D’arcy,” he says, once Conor’s gone. “Good morning. Can I ask what you think about the search of a house in Baltinglass yesterday? Is it related to your meeting with the Horrigans?”
“No comment.” I push past him and take a right on Fleet Street.
He follows me, keeping a respectful distance, but calling after me, “Did you find out anything during your review? Was that you who identified Robert Herricks?”
People on the sidewalk are starting to turn to look at us. I stop and spin around. “No comment,” I say. “I’m sure you can appreciate that Garda investigations have to be kept confidential.”
Something flashes behind his eyes. They narrow a little, angry. “Surely there’s something you can tell me. I helped to get you involved, after all, Detective D’arcy.”
“The Horrigans got me involved.”
“Why are they looking at Robert Herricks? He’s never been on anyone’s radar before. It must have something to do with you.”
I meet his eyes. “No comment,” I say. But I don’t like what I see there. He had a plan for me. He got me into the investigation and I was supposed to give him information. I didn’t go along with it and he doesn’t like that one bit.
* * *
Later, after Conor’s checked in with Adrien, we drive up to Howth to walk on Howth Head. It’s overcast but not raining and the gorse along the cliffs is dark yellow, the greens rich and saturated. It feels good to get my heart rate going, and we walk through a residential neighborhood and then up along the cliffs, with the sea below us.
“Where are the rhododendrons?” I ask him as we kiss on the edge of the path. “I was led to believe there would be rhododendrons.”
He pretends to look around. “No, no, no, no. Don’t see any.”
“No, I said. No!”
We laugh. The sky is huge above us.
“I’m so happy,” I whisper into his chest. I’m not sure he hears me, but he pulls me in closer and holds my head against him. We have Irish coffees at a pub by the water and then we drive back down along the coast, the sea to our left, the sun streaming in the window. I close my eyes, let it warm me. Conor holds my right hand as he drives, rubbing little circles on the top of my hand.