After what happened yesterday with Cass in the shower, though…
That delicious tightness and tingling had stayed with me for close to an hour, maybe a little more.
Today? It’s been three hours since Zachary touched me, and I can still feel him stroking me through my underwear.
None of it makes sense, of course. I should be horrified—disgusted even—by what he did.
Scaring me like that.
Forcing himself on me.
I thought my heart had been beating with panic…but now I’m wondering if it hadn’t been excitement instead.
Maybe if your life is as boring as mine, anything is exciting.
It’s seriously messed up to think that my body is capable of confusing fear with lust, or pain with pleasure.
God, when did I turn into such a sexual deviant?
I realize I’m stroking my hip bone through my dress and hurriedly snatch away my hand.
Not going to happen, Trinity.
I wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt. The shame.
Don’t let such silly things plague you.
Gah, I knew it!
My mind keeps going back to Gabriel or Zachary.
Gabriel feels the need to answer my questions. About how my father was gay, or the fact that he cheated on my mom?
The Brotherhood will hurt me in the worst way if I don’t find the data they’re looking for. I may have bought myself some time today with Zachary, but how much?
There was an announcement about the end of term in prayer today, Jasper told me. The buses are arriving on Thursday morning to take everyone through to Sisters of Mercy.
Can I hide from both sides of this war until then?
I grab my pillow and shove it over my head, muffling a frustrated yell.
“Need a hand?” Jasper asks from the doorway. “I’d be more than happy to oblige.”
I whip away the pillow and glare at him. “Fuck off,” I snap.
He pushes away from the door with his shoulder. “Geez, what’s got your panties in a bunch?”
“Nothing.” I watch as he rummages in his side of the closet and pulls out casual clothes. “Hot date?”
Maybe he’s meeting Perry. I can only hope he won’t go down to the library again.
“Gross,” Jasper says.
“Why gross?”
“Because I’m going to see Father Gabriel, you sicko.”
“How was I supposed to know?” I call after him as he exits our room.
I shrug my shoulders into the mattress, wincing when one of the many lumps dig into my back. Why is he going to see Gabriel? Maybe he’s going to confess about liking Perry. About the things they did.
Great. Now I’m reliving that saucy interlude in my head.
Is this what being horny feels like?
Maybe it’s hormones or something. My cycle’s due to start any day now…I always get a little cranky before. Except this time I’m craving Reuben’s pecs, Cass’s mouth, and Zachary’s fingers, not pepperoni pizza.
Oh, Lord. I’m still hot and bothered. I throw my arm over my eyes, letting out a huff of annoyance.
For fuck’s sake.
The worst part is, I know exactly what will help. But ever since Mom made me confess, it’s been impossible for me to get myself off. Soon I was pushing away the urge the moment it arrived.
Not what I’d consider healthy, but there you go.
I’m rubbing my hip bone again.
Damn it.
I jump up and go close the door, peeking out into the hallway first to make sure there’s no one around.
What I wouldn’t do for a lock on this door.
I plop back on the bed and skim my fingers over my dress until I’m hovering an inch or so above my clit.
Then I wait for the shame to drive me back like it always does.
Except…it doesn’t.
My fingers creep closer. My core constricts in anticipation the closer I get to my clit, as if more and more nerve endings spark into action.
I make a soft noise in the back of my throat when I finally touch myself through the thick fabric. It’s so subtle, I can barely feel the pressure, but fuck it if anticipation isn’t eighty-percent of the thrill.
Quickly I lift my knees, letting my dress slip down my thighs and pool at my waist.
I grab the hem of my skirt and tug it up my stomach—
“Am I interrupting?”
Are you fucking kidding me?
I sit up in a rush, cheeks glowing as I shove my skirt into my lap to cover my underwear.
Is it just me, or does Apollo’s grin stretch even wider when I glare at him? “What the hell are you doing here?”
He stands to the side, one arm holding open the door, the other beckoning me with a flick of his fingers. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”
“Wait. Wait!” I push the words between heaving pants. “You’re going too fast.”
“You gotta work on your stamina, Trin,” Apollo says. I don’t have to look at him to know he’s wearing a fat grin. “We still have a flight to go.”
“Do I look like an athlete?” I ask, straightening with a wince and forcing myself up the stairs after him.
He laughs as he disappears around the corner of the landing. I arrive a few moments later, blowing like a racehorse. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I definitely have a stitch. I guess I didn’t have to run after him when he loped up the first flight of stairs, but he had me so curious I couldn’t help myself.
He hasn’t answered a single one of my questions. Hasn’t told me where we’re going. But I realized about halfway up the tight corkscrew stairs that we must be going to one of the towers dotting the four corners of the dormitory. That, or the bell tower.
I was kinda freaked out taking the stairs. While I won’t go as far as to say Saint Amos is cozy and inviting, the dorms are a far sight homelier than this staircase. Here, there’s nothing to dress the rough brick wall, and the only natural light comes from small square windows filled with thick panes. Of course, with the overcast sky, it’s practically night outside already. That leaves the job of illumination to the handful of naked light bulbs sticking out of the walls every few yards. They’re so far apart that I have to step through deep shadow to reach the next one.
Someone could break their neck.
“You made it,” Apollo says, sounding genuinely surprised.
“Screw you,” I mutter, and then stop talking so I can concentrate on getting air back into my lungs.
We’re standing next to a thick wooden door that Apollo unlocks with a key from his pocket.
I half expect to hear bats take flight when the door swings inward.
The bell tower.
It’s so much larger than I’d thought. The bell hangs a few yards away from where we’re standing. A wide ledge circles it, opening to balconies.
“It’s…”
“You should see it during the day. The view I mean. The bell’s nothing special.”
Apollo moves inside. When I don’t immediately follow, he grabs my wrist and hauls me after him. “Come on. We don’t want to be here when the bell goes off. It’s super fucking loud.”
He leads me past the bell to a much smaller door set off to one side. The metal door makes it seem like some kind of maintenance area.
The door opens to black nothingness.