‘We went to The Crow’s Nest for a drink?’
I do remember it now. I’d had quite a lot to drink, as it happened. It had taken me a couple of days to get over it. I think I’d almost given myself alcohol poisoning. Mum had been furious that I’d got myself into such a state. Later that week, when it was Nadine’s birthday, I had still felt hungover and we’d gone to the pub with a load of other friends and that was the night I bumped into Luke. It was the first time I’d seen him in years. I wasn’t drinking that night and Luke was the designated driver with his mates, so we spent the night chatting and consoling each other about having to be sober with a load of drunk friends.
‘Yes, I remember,’ I say to Tom.
‘And you know that dream we always joke about, the one where you were in a Playboy photoshoot?’
I can feel the world around me grinding to a halt. The lights dim and the music of the funfair all but disappears. ‘Yes,’ I say.
Tom takes his phone from his pocket and taps at the screen. A picture appears and he turns it so I can see it properly.
Chapter 30
I gasp at what I see on the phone. I try to snatch it from Tom’s hand, but he pulls it away too quickly. Over Tom’s shoulder I see a figure hurrying along the boardwalk towards us. I can’t see clearly who it is, but it looks familiar. I think it’s Leonard. I can’t let Leonard see what Tom has on his phone.
Tom is distracted and turns to see what I’m looking at. I seize the moment. In one fluid movement I take a step closer to him and knee him right in the balls. He yells in pain, doubles up, clutching his groin. I grab his mobile with my one good hand and wrestle it from his grasp. I stagger back and shove the phone into my trouser pocket.
Tom isn’t deterred by my attack and, fuelled by what’s at stake, he lunges for me, pushing me against the iron bar. The bar is pressing against my spine and the weight of Tom’s body against me is making it hard to breathe. I try to lift my knee to once again make contact with his groin, but I can’t. Tom pushes harder against me and I feel my feet losing contact with the ground.
He’s shouting at me to give him the phone. He’s holding my right arm with one hand, while using his other to try to find which pocket I’ve put the phone in. As his weight transfers slightly to the right, I try to squirm away to the left, but he forces me back. My feet come completely off the ground and I tip even further backwards. I can hear running feet and Leonard shouting. Shards of rain pummel my face and I feel myself slipping. The centre of gravity shifts and the night sky above me slides away.
Tom is still on top of me as I feel my body roll over the railing. I can see the dark water below, the white tips of the waves crashing over and roaring as they slam into the rushing water beneath. It takes forever to fall. At some point I lose contact with Tom. His hand slips from my wrist.
At first I think I’ve missed the water completely and hit the shoreline, such is the force and pressure against me. But then I carry on falling, but slower this time, as water rushes up my nose and into my ears. I keep my mouth closed. It’s silent under the water. I can feel myself being dragged down. It’s a high tide; the water is deeper than normal. It’s quiet and peaceful and I want to stay here. Away from all the madness in the world above me. Down here no one can harm me.
An image of Luke and the girls flashes before me and in that instant I know I must survive. I can’t give myself up to the English Channel like this. I start to kick my legs wildly and draw myself up with my one good arm. The plaster cast hinders my progress. I can’t make out which way I’m supposed to go. Which way is up? I squint open my eyes and am surprised by how much I can see in front of me. It’s not as dark and black as I imagined. My instinct is to look up and I can see the lights of the pier shimmering way above me. They look like little fairy lights on a Christmas tree.
I push upwards. My lungs are burning and my body wants me to take a breath. My mind knows I can’t. Not here, not in all this water. Just a few more meters. The urge to breathe is overwhelming me. My lungs are on fire. I’m nearly there.
I burst out of the water and gasp frantically for air, only to be pounded by a breaking wave, which takes me back under. I fight my way back to the surface. I’m more prepared for the next wave and manage to hold my breath. I can hear shouting from above and then a splash. I look beyond the crest of the next wave and I see something floating in the water. It’s a lifebelt. I make clumsy overarm movements with my right arm. My left arm is heavy, the plaster sodden with water. Another wave breaks and this time taking me with it. I’m dragged towards the life ring and with the tips of my fingers managed to grasp the rope. I pull it towards me. I’m so out of breath. I’m panting, trying to take oxygen on board, refilling my lungs. I can’t get the life ring over my head. My plastered arm is getting in the way. I cling onto it and feel the tide take me closer to shore. If I can hold on, someone will rescue me. I just need to hold on. Just a bit longer.
I can feel myself slipping. My eyes are heavy and my arm is so tired. In fact, my whole body and mind are tired and cold. The deep water below beckons me. I could just float away, back into the depths, where it’s quiet and calm. I remind myself of all the reasons to stay alive and my body fights back again.
With each wave that tosses me forwards, the shoreline gets closer and closer. And then there are figures wading into the water. I hear the splashing and sloshing of the legs as they try to get to me as quickly as possible. I reach down with my feet and I can just about touch the bottom. I’m safe. I’m not going to die.
Two pairs of arms drag me to the shore. Blue lights pulsate up above on the seafront. The uniformed officers drag me onto the beach. One speaks rapidly into his radio, calling for assistance, summoning an ambulance. The other sits me on the shingles, grabs the jacket he must have discarded before wading in, and wraps it around my shoulders.
‘You all right, love? What happened?’ I look up at the pier. My body is shaking violently from the cold and shock. ‘You came over the side, did you? Was there anyone else with you?’
Was there anyone else with me? I look out to sea, scanning the waves as they crash onto the beach. I look back and I see Leonard careering down the stones towards me.
‘Clare! Jesus Christ. Are you okay?’
‘Do you know this lady, sir?’
‘Yes.’ Leonard arrives and sits down next to me, putting his arms around me. ‘She’s my daughter.’
I look up at Leonard but don’t say anything. It seems odd him saying ‘daughter’, but I let it go. I can deal with it later.
‘Were you with her when she fell? Is there anyone else in the water?’ asks the police officer.
‘I was on the pier but further away. I didn’t see what happened. One minute she was there. The next, she was gone. I threw the life ring in.’
‘What’s your name?’ the police officer asks me.
‘Clare Tennison.’
‘Okay, Clare, this is very important. Was there anyone with you? Did anyone else go into the water?’
I look from the police officer to Leonard and back again. Tom can’t swim. I should be telling them that he’s out there. Drowning. If I tell them and they rescue him, he could ruin everything. If I don’t tell them, then all his secrets go to the seabed with him. Can I do that? Can I let another human drown?