“We’ll be back tomorrow.”
Liam shakes his head, mouth an uncompromising line. “Not a minute past ten tonight, or I’ll start proceedings to have you removed from participating in the auction.” He turns on his heel and strides to the waiting SUV idling next to the sporty car Sebastian drove here yesterday.
A driver in a suit opens the back door for the chancellor, and the first man I cared about, maybe even loved, disappears into the back seat. Regret tightens my chest as the car backs down the driveway. A small part of me wants to run after him, screaming for him to wait.
Sebastian grips my hand, a quiet reminder that he’s my home now, the one my heart yearns for. The one I can’t fathom walking away from, no matter the circumstances.
Doesn’t mean hurting Liam doesn’t cut me to my soul though.
I work my hand free and return inside, blinking in rapid succession to keep the tears at bay. Making my way to the kitchen, I sense Sebastian’s steps on my heels. I open the refrigerator and gaze at the contents without seeing a thing.
“Novalee,” he says, his cajoling voice gentler than I deserve. More understanding than I deserve.
“I’m sorry…” I stall, unsure of what to say. What can I say? Blinking doesn’t work, and I panic as my eyes burn with shame. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to cry in front of you.”
Closing the door to the fridge, he whirls me around. “It’s you and me now, remember?” When I try to look away, he grips my chin. “That means when you hurt, I hurt.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone!”
“That’s the nature of this curse, princess. Pain on top of more pain. A whole fucking lifetime of it.” Stepping closer, he tangles his hands in my hair, refusing to allow me the avenue of retreat. “All we can do is hold on to what little happiness we have.”
As his words sink in, a new fear barrels to the forefront. “We should go back. You can’t get disqualified. You can’t.”
“Castle doesn’t scare me.”
“He’s the chancellor!”
“He’s bluffing.”
“How can you be certain?”
An unnamed emotion darkens his expression. “Because he loves you.”
It’s enough to bust through my defenses. Averting my gaze, I’m helpless as tears stream down my cheeks, and I despise every single one of them. They’re a sign of weakness, easily misconstrued as something born from indecision.
I haven’t changed my mind about Sebastian, but I didn’t expect how the evidence of Liam’s devastation would shred me to pieces.
“I want to go back.” Being in this cottage, where just yesterday I experienced the happiest day of my life, leaves me in agony. “Please, take me back.”
“He gave us the day, Novalee.”
I shake my head. “I can’t be here right now. I’m sorry.”
He backs away, his hands dropping to his sides. The chasm between us widens, becomes its own entity in this messed up situation. Legally, I’m caught between twelve men, but in my heart, where it counts, only two reside.
The choice isn’t mine, but they both want me to choose, regardless of rules and protocol.
And I thought I had, thought I knew—without reservation—what I wanted at the core of my being.
But now…now I’m not sure of anything.
Chapter Nine
Gone is the easy banter. The sexy grins. No more carefree fun as the wind blows my hair into a whirl. The top is up during the car ride back to the tower, and so is Sebastian’s guard. The first half of the hour-long drive passes in silence, but the air between us grows tense with things left unsaid.
I’m sick with knowing I hurt him, my actions back at the cottage destroying the last twenty-four hours we spent together. He put his heart on the line, went above and beyond to make up for his past behavior. Finally, after all of these months, he opened up and let me see the vulnerable man hiding behind the angry sentinel.
“I’m sorry,” I say, throat constricted with fear.
“For what?”
“For hurting you.”
He doesn’t answer, and the ball of dread in my gut grows denser. “Don’t shut me out again,” I plead.
He grips the steering wheel. “I’m not shutting you out.”
“You’re not talking to me, either.”
“What do you want me to say? You’re still conflicted. I get it.”
“You don’t.” With each mile that passes under us, he slips away a little further. “Yesterday was the most amazing day of my life, Sebastian. I just…I never wanted to hurt anyone.”
“Someone needs to get hurt.” He glances at me for three full seconds, the car holding steady on the road as the progress we made yesterday crashes and explodes. “If it’s me, then it’s me, but I won’t touch you again until you figure it out.” He returns his attention to the highway, jaw hardening with anger.
My own flame of fury ignites. “So it’s okay for you to fuck Lilith without guarantees, but you won’t lay a finger on me until I figure it out? How is that fair?”
Abruptly, he pulls onto the shoulder and kills the engine. His blue eyes narrow with turbulence, condemnation pinning me to the seat. “Don’t talk to me about fair. You’ve wanted Castle from the minute you got here. I know you didn’t object when he put his hands on you.”
“It’s not the same thing!” I glare at him, despising him for putting me on the defensive. “I haven’t slept with Liam, but you had your dick in her.”
“Don’t play the innocent, scorned little girl. The chancellor did everything but stick his goddamn dick in you.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I can’t.
Sebastian’s lips curve into a cruel smile. “You have no room to talk, because from where I’m sitting, you’re caught between twelve men.”
“That’s not my fault.”
He leans toward me, eating up the inches of space between us. “It doesn’t change the fact that after I marry you, a monthly romp in a bed that isn’t mine will take you away from me. Like fucking clockwork, Novalee.”
“Again,” I say through gritted teeth. “Not. My. Fault.”
“Who do you think gets you first after I take your virginity?”
Liam.
His name blares between us, unspoken but no less real.
“It’s all over your face. You can’t wait to spread your legs for him, but getting him means accepting the rest of them.” Another inch of space disappears as he corners me. “After Liam, it’ll be Heath. He’ll take your ass, since that’s his preference. Then there’s Landon. I can’t imagine you’d want to fuck your brother.”
I slap him hard, my palm stinging from the contact.
The assault on his face doesn’t slow him down. He keeps plowing ahead, trampling on my pride like the animal he is. “Landon will come up with a cover story, no doubt, but Vance…” Sebastian snickers, and though we’re trapped in a car barely big enough for two people, he might as well be circling me.
The lion toying with the prey.
“The doctor is into some kinky shit, princess. I’m sure he’ll have someone watch while he fucks your brains out.”