My beloved Daniel was playing his part tremendously. Yes, we would at some point have to call the police and let them take him away. But I thought Letty White would forgive me for not calling her at this hour. And we might never get this opportunity again. I relapsed into Daniel’s embrace for another round of passionate kisses.
Our eyes met, and we reached a silent decision. He would be the Good Cop, and I would go and put on a nightgown. I thought my point – that I was Woman Incarnate and could reduce him to bowel-knotting terror any time I felt like it – had been well and truly made by now, and Daniel might get more out of him if I took my time. I chose a light, translucent cotton gown – ideal for hinting that there was always more Extremely Bad Cop available if we wanted it – and I walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. On a whim, I called to my beloved, ‘Ask him if he wants any coffee.’
Daniel cast a glance at the prisoner, who nodded.
‘All right. He’s getting it black.’ I inhaled the delicious scent of Arabica beans – so much nicer than the distressing odour of essence du burglar which had now permeated my entire apartment – and took my time. They were still talking softly. I have heard that once these villains crack, they go all the way and spill every bean they have and then some. When I had poured out three mugs of coffee, Daniel came to join me.
‘Well done!’ he whispered into my ear. ‘But our little friend is so terrified that I think he’ll clam up on us if you come near him again. I’ll manage to get some coffee into him.’
‘As long as you don’t loosen his cable ties.’
‘I won’t. I notice you haven’t asked about his head wound?’ He grinned.
‘No, because I don’t care about his head wound,’ I hissed, louder than necessary. I wanted him to overhear me. ‘Since, thanks to his unreliable bladder, I’m going to be steam-cleaning this carpet anyway, it is a matter of complete indifference to me if he bleeds to death all over my carpet.’
Daniel held me tight, and kissed me again. ‘Excellent!’ he breathed into my ear. ‘He won’t, by the way. He’s stopped bleeding now and it doesn’t look too bad. I’ll take it from here.’
And with that I went back to my bedroom with my coffee. Horatio accompanied me, after a small browse at his munchies bowl. I sipped my coffee and smoothed down my affronted cat.
He permitted me to caress his fur, with many an angry lick and a stretching of paws, and gazed into my eyes with silent reproach. What are you going to do about these constant intrusions? he wanted to know. When, he continued, is Normal Service going to be resumed? Having registered his formal protest, he extended his chin and permitted me to stroke his cheeks and under his chin. After quite a deal of this, he subsided into relaxation and went back to sleep. I looked up to see Daniel entering my room. He was still in his towel, I noted. Perhaps I had instituted a new horizon in interrogation techniques.
‘So?’
‘I think I have everything we need. I’ll tell you later. I think it’s time to call the police now.’
‘Just one more thing.’ I returned to the kitchen and picked up my biggest kitchen knife. Standing behind the benchtop, I waved it at our captive and smiled my most beatific smile. ‘Hey there!’ I called.
He was sitting up now, still with his hands and feet bound.
‘If we don’t get the dog back safe and sound, I will come looking for you, wherever you happen to be. Please don’t imagine that I’m joking.’
His grimy pallor faded still further to the colour of old tile grouting.
I nodded. ‘Okay, Daniel, summon the police.’
Our captive muttered something in a foreign language. Then he looked beseechingly at Daniel. ‘Protective custard?’ he implored. ‘You promise!’
Daniel knelt down next to him. ‘Yes, I know. But I’m not the police, Narek. I believe they will look after you. They are very interested in you, and they will keep you safe – as long as you continue to cooperate. If you’re really good, you might even get a new identity and a fresh start in Queensland. That’s if you’re telling me the truth, of course, and that the car-ramming incident that left one girl dead and another one crippled really wasn’t down to you. If it turns out it was you and your friends, then you’re in more trouble than the early settlers. But that’s up to the police. If you tell them everything you’ve told me, I think you’ll be fine. They won’t let Uncle Tigran anywhere near you. Now just sit tight and we’ll call a divvy van.’
We did so, since I wanted to allow Letty White her sleep, but she came anyway, accompanied by Constable Helen and two taciturn, economy-sized cops who did not say a single word. Nor did they smile. They merely nodded, and left the floor to DSC White while they led our little friend Narek away into what I really hoped would be protective custard. Preferably with stewed fruit. Even though he had broken into my home twice now, I no longer felt much animosity towards him. Unless it had been he who had killed Philomela’s sister. But I didn’t think so. Narek had been wetting himself with fear. I pictured him as small fry: probably only useful for burgling houses and odd jobs. The most he owed me was the cost of a steam-clean. Daniel and I sat in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil. Helen Black sat down in one of my kitchen chairs, and immediately Horatio sauntered out from the bedroom, considered her for a moment, then launched himself lightly into her lap. She looked pleased, and began to caress his cheeks and rub her hands all over my kitty’s head.
Letty White looked anything but pleased, and addressed us as follows: ‘Yes, Corinna, I get that you didn’t call me personally because you didn’t want to break in upon my virtuous slumbers. But, as you doubtless have guessed by now, anything connected with these home invasions – and Related Matters – have a tag on the system that says I am to be contacted immediately, at any hour of the day or night. I am very happy to have caught our little friend. I suppose it’s too much to ask that you refrained from questioning the prisoner?’
I looked at Daniel, who returned my cool glance with one even more temperate. ‘I may have asked him a few things. After all, this is Corinna’s apartment. I think she is entitled to know what he was looking for at least, if only so that we can attempt to persuade him, and the people he works for, that we haven’t got it and that they’re wasting their time.’
Letty glared at me and ran her hands through her close-cropped hair. ‘Jesus wept!’ she grated through clenched teeth. ‘Yes, under normal circumstances, Daniel, perhaps! But do you think these are anything like normal circumstances? Do you?’ She spun around on her police-issue flat heel and impaled me with an acetylene glare. I shook my head silently, unwilling to say anything more in case of self-incrimination. The kettle announced itself, and she inclined her chin downwards. ‘Earl Grey, if you’ve got it. Milk, one sugar, please.’
I leapt to my feet, only too anxious to Assist the Police with tea-making. I made four mugs and we sipped them quietly, Letty and Helen joining us at the table. Finally she set down her mug and gave us both a long, forbidding look. ‘Corinna. Daniel. These are not nice people to know. You do not mess with these folks. If I have your promise that you won’t go anywhere near them, or their friends and neighbours, or anyone they’ve ever met since they left primary school, then I will be a far happier person than I currently am. Do I have your word?’