I grinned like a fool as I tore open the seal. I’d been missing them, thinking about them more often than usual. I’d been yearning for Painters Mill. The farm where I grew up and spending time outdoors. I wondered if Sarah had news. If she was ime familye weg again—in the family way, which was the Amish term for pregnant. I wondered if my mamm would finally invite me home for a visit because she’d forgiven me for my transgressions.
Dear Katie,
I hope this letter finds you well. I was hoping to hear from you after my last letter. But, of course, I know you must be busy with your new life and friends and your job as a police. You must lead such an exciting life!
Sister, I wish I could tell you everything is okay here, but it’s not. It’s with a heavy heart that I must tell you Datt has cancer. He’s been sick. (Of course, he didn’t complain or tell anyone—you know how he is!) Then he finally went to the doctor in Wooster. I prayed it could be treated, but it’s too late. The cancer has spread and he’s very frail. I think it may be time for you to come home to see him. I hope you find your way.
God bless you,
Sarah
I’d barely finished reading the letter—my befuddled brain trying to digest the news—when Gina charged through the door. She was excited about something. Rushed, as usual. She didn’t take the time to get a read on me.
“I got new wheels,” she said as she went to the fridge and pulled out a beer.
I folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope. Datt? Cancer? The man was as strong as a bull. How could that be?
“It’s badass.” She prattled on, not noticing that my world had just unraveled a little. “A Camry. Practically new. Just ten thousand miles.”
“Where did you get it?” I asked as I tucked the letter into the breast pocket of my uniform.
“It’s part of the asset forfeiture program,” she told me.
“How much did it cost?”
“Didn’t cost me a thing.” Grinning, she lifted the bottle to her lips and drank deeply. “Think of it as a perquisite.”
“How does that work exactly?” I asked. It was not an ingenuous question; this conversation was like a dozen others we’d had as of late. The kind that didn’t quite add up. The kind in which you knew there was something else going on and you weren’t getting the whole story. If I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I’d admit that I didn’t want the whole story. I’d realized some time ago that the truth would make me think less of her. And if things came to a head, I’d have to do something about it.
“Good things come to those of us who pay our dues.” At the table, she paged through the day’s mail. “Or maybe I just know the right people. You really need to get out more, Kate, make some connections. I can only do so much for you. You have to show a little initiative.”
From my place on the sofa, I watched her stride to the living room, toss her ever-present canvas bag onto the chair, and flop onto the loveseat opposite me. The canvas bag teetered, then tipped over, and fell to the floor. A mishmash of items spilled out—a flip phone, an iPad, a zippered case. I was only giving it half of my attention until I spotted the wad of cash. I had no idea how much or even the denominations of the bills, but the stack was half an inch thick and bound with bank wrappers.
“Shit.” Muttering beneath her breath, she leaned over and began tossing the items back into the bag.
“Where did you get all that cash?” I asked.
She didn’t answer. Didn’t hesitate. Didn’t look at me. Just continued to pick up her items—an extra clip for her Sig Sauer, her duty gloves, a notebook.
“Gina, where did you get the cash?” I repeated.
Tossing the last item into the bag, she took her seat on the loveseat, and yanked the zipper closed. “I’ve been working a lot. Double shifts. You do that, and there are some fringe benefits.”
“Fringe benefits? Are you kidding me?” I heard the words as if someone else spoke them. The doubt in my voice. The skepticism. The anger. Gina and I had had a few disagreements over the years. This was the first time I’d demanded answers.
“Like I said, Kate, I’ve been working a lot. I make sure I’m at the right place at the right time.”
“And someone magically gives you cash money and a car? You expect me to believe that?”
Eyes on mine, she got to her feet. Hands clenched at her sides. Eyes flashing. Combat ready. “I got this money fair and square. What right do you have to question my ethics?”
“I know where it came from, Gina.”
“Since when did you become such a Goody Two-Shoes, Kate?”
Reaching into the canvas bag, she yanked out the wad of cash, shook it in my face. “All right. Tell me this. Do you think some dope dealer or hooker or pimp deserves this? Someone who’s never worked a day in their entire useless life? Instead of me? Instead of us?”
I stared at the cash, the way she clenched it in her fist, and my heart began to pound. “There is no ‘us,’” I tell her. “Just you.”
“How many nights have we gone without sleep? How many times have we risked our lives to save someone else’s ass? How many times have you feared for your own safety and had to face down someone who was violent and dangerous?”
“It’s part of the job!” I shouted. “If you don’t like it, quit.”
“Oh, I like it just fine.” Snarling at me, she flung the cash back into the canvas bag and yanked the zipper closed. “I’m not the only one, Kate. There are others. Good cops. This is the way it works in the real world and if you don’t believe that you are not only naive, but a fool.”
“That is not the way it works,” I told her, hating it that I couldn’t quite catch my breath. “Nothing in this world is free and if it is, chances are there are strings attached.”
She made a bitter sound that was part laugh, part growl. “You are a holier-than-thou-art piece of work, aren’t you?” Dropping the bag to the floor, she moved closer to me, jabbed her finger in my face. “You have no right to judge me. I’m the one who brought you in. I made you what you are. I got you off the street. If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be waiting tables at some dump.”
The fury came with such force that I was dizzy with it. I wasn’t a violent person, but the urge to strike her was powerful. In that instant, I thought about my mamm. I thought about my sister, my datt, my brother, and I wondered what they would think of this callous, foulmouthed English woman. I wondered what they would think of me for being part of this, and for the first time in a long time, I felt ashamed.
I stared at her, seeing more than I wanted to see. Things I’d ignored for months because I didn’t have the courage to face the truth. “I’ve been hearing things about your cop friends, Gina,” I told her. “I’ve been hearing things about you, too.”
“Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure to let them know.” Looking at me as if I were a dog that didn’t have the mental capacity to get the trick right, she picked up the canvas bag. “Me? I don’t really give a damn.”
I got to my feet, hating it that my legs were shaking. I got in her face anyway. “You need to return the cash.”