“I’ll take him.” Decker reaches for the kid, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go see what Keira is up to.”
Penny turns her back to me and faces the wall, her posture stiff as Tobias is led from the room. She doesn’t cry. Or if she does, I don’t hear it. There’s no tremble in her shoulders. No more sniffling.
She remains strong. So fucking strong.
I don’t break the silence and neither does she. I just watch her, wishing I knew how to make this easier.
“You promised,” she mumbles. “You said you wouldn’t hurt me, but you already have.”
“This isn’t me hurting you. Being sent home is a result of your actions, not mine. We needed that guard to talk and now he’s useless.”
“Useless?” She swings around to face me. “Why?”
“You hit an artery. He passed out from blood loss. And if he isn’t already dead, he soon will be.”
For a brief second, I expect her to crumple. To wither under the news. Instead, she squares her shoulders, emboldened by her increasing murder tally.
“We needed him for information. Now we’re back to flying blind.” I chance a step forward. “You can’t blame Torian for being pissed.”
“I can blame him for a whole lot of things.”
I shrug. “And if it makes you feel better, go ahead. But you don’t know the guy. He had no clue about his father’s schemes. He didn’t even know about Tobias. He might be a bit sketchy when it comes to the way he earns his money, but he’s not like Luther.”
“I find that hard to believe. Luther spoke to people in Portland all the time. Almost daily. They knew what was going on.”
I nod. “I don’t doubt that. Cole’s old man packed up and left the States years ago, but he wouldn’t have severed his connections. We knew he had lingering spies. His brother, Richard, was one of them.”
She pulls back, the revolt minute but there all the same.
“You knew Richard?” I ask.
She clenches those arms tighter around her middle and glances away. “No, nobody can truly know someone so evil. But I’ve witnessed firsthand what he’s capable of.”
“What he was capable of.”
Her focus returns to mine, her face slightly downcast as she stares at me through thick lashes. “Meaning?”
“Take relief in knowing he’s dead. One by one, they’re all going to get taken down. I won’t stop until they’re all gone. You can leave knowing I’m keeping my promise to end this.”
She holds my stare, those dark eyes stirring up shit inside me that shouldn’t be felt. Not for Decker’s sister. Not for a broken, tormented beauty of a woman.
“I’m not leaving Tobias,” she repeats, this time softer, without the theatrics. “I won’t.”
I nod, giving her a sad smile. “I wish you had a choice, shorty.”
“Please, Luca.” Her lips tremble. “I can’t go without him.”
More strikes lash my skin. Slicing deep. All I want to do is give her what she wants. Instead, I have to take solace in giving her what she needs. “You should freshen up. Take a shower and get some rest.” I start for the door. “You’ve got another big day ahead of you.”
14
Penny
I spend a long time standing near the door, listening to the soft murmur of friendly conversation between Tobias and Keira. She makes him laugh. Despite everything he’s been through, he takes to her effortlessly.
And maybe that’s what he needs—happiness. The freedom to breathe without restriction from a brutal father.
I guess he also needs the positivity and bright outlook that I’ve only ever been able to fake. I may smother him in cuddles and kisses, but my aura has always been filled with doom and gloom.
He yearns for something I can’t provide. And who am I to keep it from him?
Nobody. That’s who.
The more I remain in solitude, the more my drowning emotions shift, their slow retreat making it easier to think as the hollowness returns.
Everyone is better off without me. My sisters. Toby.
I’ve never been helpful to any of them. I was responsible for more women suffering because of Luther’s obsession with me. Once Tobias finds out, he’ll hate me. And so he should. Not only for the damage I inflicted, but because I can’t bring myself to tell him about Chloe.
He’ll have to find out from someone else. Someone foreign.
Keira, maybe.
I push from the wall and escape into the adjoining bathroom to take the shower Luca suggested. I hang my head under the spray. I try to let the water cleanse me, but there’s no escaping the exhausting weight of my failures.
I never wanted to see myself as a victim. I’d always fought. Strategized. Manipulated. I stupidly had the misunderstanding that I was beating Luther somehow. That I was trapped playing his game, but I’d figured out a way to cheat him.
Turns out they knew what I was doing and punished those I love because of it.
And now I’m so goddamn broken I can’t even cry to let the turmoil escape. My tears dried years ago, probably never to be seen again.
When the water turns my skin to wrinkles, I shut off the taps and dry myself, reclaiming the dress made from material that harbors a lifetime of unwanted memories. I’ve been choked in this dress. Gagged.
I have no energy anymore. No determination. I’m done.
There’s nothing left to do but crawl into the crisp bed and pray for the peace of sleep that doesn’t bless me for a long time. I doze briefly, my consciousness fading in and out until Tobias crawls onto the mattress in front of me to spoon against my chest.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He nestles closer, not protesting when I wrap my arms around him.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you did.” I nuzzle my face into the back of his neck. “How was your time with Keira?”
“She’s nice.” He snuggles in tight, his warmth enveloping me. “We had more cookies and hot chocolate. And she told me how Sebastian always steals her favorite thin mints or hides them from her. I don’t know what thin mints are but she said she’ll buy me some when we get to her house.”
“Her house?” My heart pangs, my entire body protesting his speedy connection to his half-sister.
“She lives in Portland.” He yawns. “It’s in Oregon. You know, where Baba was from? She says I can come live with her for a little while. Or with her sister and my niece. She said I get to choose. Where do you think we should stay?”
We.
He asks with such naive simplicity. As if I’ll be with him, our futures entwined when I’m not sure they will even brush. “Why don’t you decide?”
“Are you sure?” He pauses. “What’s wrong? You seem sad.”
I shake my head and refuse to sniff away the tingle in my nose. “I’m tired, that’s all.”
I’m sure if he was older he’d be able to see through the thinly veiled placation. My barely restrained resentment of Keira, too. He’s slipping through my fingers so fast. I almost can’t believe how easily he’s taken to his new family, until I acknowledge the iron fist he’s lived with since birth.