And it didn’t mean that putting herself last was what she wanted to model for Haddie. She wanted Haddie to know that she was worthy of claiming joy, of reaching for it. She wanted Haddie to bless the world with all the gifts that were unique to her—no matter what that might entail—instead of hiding in the shadow of service to others. That didn’t mean that she’d forsake those she loved. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t care for those who depended on her, and even those who did not. It simply meant that she mattered too. She was worthy of happiness. Every woman was.
Seize the day, Scarlett.
Go. Go now.
She straightened her shoulders. Okay, then. “Fallen woman, my ass,” she said to her reflection. There were no fallen women. Just women who had made mistakes and deserved grace, not judgment. And perhaps that meant starting with the person she was staring at in the mirror.
Scarlett grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Thirteen Years Ago
Kandace slammed the erasers together, a cloud of chalk dust bursting in the air before her and causing her to cough and sputter. She leaned away, rubbing any dust off her face with her forearm and setting the erasers back on the board.
“Cheap bastards,” she muttered. She was well aware of Lilith House’s rates—her mother had thrown the information in her face—and so she knew very well they could afford a cleaning staff, but chose instead to use their students for slave labor.
Of course, she knew very well that wasn’t the reason housekeepers weren’t employed at Lilith House. Oh no, it was to ensure as few as possible were privy to what was really happening there.
Then again, maybe she shouldn’t complain. The two hours she spent cleaning classrooms every afternoon was the only alone time she got, and Kandace needed that time to think. To plan. She needed that time to attempt to come to terms with the situation she found herself in.
Feelings of dark despair began descending and with effort, she pushed them away, picking up the trash can and emptying it into the larger bag she’d brought with her. She was working hard to keep the panic that lived inside her at bay, but it grew harder with each day.
Because with each day, her pregnancy grew as well. If she remained there for the entirety of her sentence, there would be no way to hide it. No way. Thank goodness their uniform was loose and shapeless, but she couldn’t hide underneath that indefinitely. She was already at least five months along, though her stomach was still only slightly rounded, due in part to her willowy stature, but also because she hadn’t had much of an appetite in the last several months.
Kandace turned as the door opened and Ms. West walked through. “Oh sorry. I didn’t realize you were in here,” she said. “I just need to grab my lesson plan.”
Kandace’s heart jolted. Ms. West. Kandace didn’t have her for any classes, but in passing, she’d heard the other girls speak well of her. She was an attractive older woman with a black bun and large blue eyes that seemed to continuously dart around. Sort of a nervous type, but who wasn’t—other than Ms. Wykes and Jasper—around there? And Kandace knew she was their tutor. The three abandoned basement-dwellers. Kandace wondered how she looked at herself in the mirror and still accepted that those children were prisoners there? How did she sleep at night, knowing those kids had been essentially locked away all of their lives? No socialization . . . no parental love. Only shame. In a way she could relate—maybe most of the girls at Lilith House could as well—but certainly not to this extent. And yet Dreamboat was kind. Caring. That was a small miracle in itself.
“I’m almost done. Stay if you need to.”
Ms. West stepped around the desk, opened the top drawer, grabbed a folder and held it up. “This is all I need. Have a good afternoon.”
Panic flared within Kandace. This was her chance. It might be her only one.
“I met them,” she blurted.
Ms. West stopped, turning slowly, a look of surprised concern on her face. “I’m sorry? Met . . . them?”
Kandace nodded, placing the garbage bag on the floor and stepping closer to Ms. West. “I just need a minute of your time. Please.”
Ms. West glanced toward the closed door. “This isn’t a good idea,” she said, taking a step away from Kandace. “And it isn’t your place to speak to me or any of the staff—”
“I’ve been thinking,” she said, hurrying on. “What’s the plan? Does anyone even know of their existence?” She thought of the barely lucid kid staring at her as she’d been violated. He always kicks up such a fuss . . . She had a flash of the thick Bible Dreamboat had been reading from. It only made sense. Those emotionally needy kids were being indoctrinated, slowly and consistently exposed to what was happening at Lilith House, Biblical teachings being twisted and skewed to provide a moral justification. Dreamboat was resisting. Protecting that little girl because he was naturally noble. But for how long? How long until they drained any fight in him? How long until all three of them became monsters too?
Ms. West grasped the folder to her chest as though it was a lifeline. “Pay no attention to them. They do not exist,” she hissed, but then something broke in her expression. She glanced toward the door and then away. “It’s best for them and for you.”
“It sounds like it’s best for you. But not for them. They’re children. They haven’t done anything wrong. They can still be saved.”
Ms. West pulled her shoulders back, but she was clearly distraught. “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was again?”
Her heart raced. This was a risk. But what other choice did she have? Her only hope was to verbalize what Ms. West must know but perhaps wasn’t admitting to herself, and hope to God she had a scrap of sympathy for those kids. “The only choice is to get them involved in what’s happening here. I think you know that’s true.” Ms. West’s face went a lighter shade of pale. “Tell me, have others been taking on more of their education? Teachers you don’t trust? You tried to do right by them, didn’t you? But others are overruling you now. Those kids are a liability. They’re teens now. It’s time to think about their future. And their future is a lifetime of what’s happening upstairs, isn’t it? Or worse.”
Ms. West blanched, the folder she grasped trembling along with her hands.
“Oh yes, you know about that, don’t you? You all do, I suppose. How could you not?”
“No. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you unwell? Perhaps a trip to the infirmary—”
“There’s really no other choice. Involve them in it so they either buy into the sickness or are so ashamed of their involvement that they never speak a word of it. Insurance.”
Ms. West opened her mouth to speak, but Kandace plowed on, taking a step closer. “He’s more than that. I don’t know about the other two, but he is. I think you know it too.”
Ms. West grimaced. She knew exactly who the he was that Kandace was referring to. Of course she did. He was special. Anyone could see that, especially this woman who had presumably been with them most of their lives. She took another step forward. “Who are their mothers?” she asked softly. “Help me help them, Ms. West. I think you might be the only one who can. If you give me some information, anything you’re able, I can bring back help. I’ll say you assisted me. I’ll say you didn’t know about the guild. I’ll swear to it.” She reached out, wrapping her hand gently around Ms. West’s arm. “Please. Please.”