Next morning Mama still wasn’t there. I was so hungry that my tummy hurt and I had eaten all the food. Normally when we had no food, Mama would go to the shop. Because I had no food and Mama wasn’t here, I thought I should go to the shop and get some. But to go to the shop I needed money – Mama was always saying that everything in the shops cost too much money. But then I remembered – I did have some money! Sometimes when I was very good Mama would give me some coins to say thank you for being very good. They were small and brown and I kept them in a special jar.
I got dressed and tipped all the money out on to my bed. I didn’t know how to count so I didn’t know how much money there was, but it looked like a lot, so I thought I would be able to get plenty of food and wouldn’t need to be hungry any more. I put the money in my pockets – it took up a lot of room because there were a lot of coins – and then went to the kitchen to get a special shopping bag like Mama did when we went to the shops. I was excited about how proud of me she would be when she got back. She would be really pleased that I had gone to the shop and got some more food so that she wouldn’t have to go when she was so tired.
I went to the door but the handle was too high and I couldn’t reach it. So I got a chair to stand on and turned the handle. It was hard to turn the handle so I did it with two hands. But the door didn’t open. Sometimes there would be a key in a hole in the door which Mama turned to keep us safe at night and I looked to see if it was there so I could turn it but it wasn’t there and I didn’t know where it was and I couldn’t get out.
My tummy rumbled and I started to cry. I couldn’t get out and go to the shops and get the food for Mama. She would be sad that I had eaten all the food until there was none left and made a mess on the floor which was still there because the cloth didn’t work properly when I tried to clean it.
I started to bang on the door. ‘Mama! Mama! Mama!’
31
Daily Mail Online
10 January 2020
A body found in the early hours of the morning in the French Alpine resort La Madière is believed to be that of Will Cassiobury, who went missing in a skiing accident in 1998.
The gruesome discovery was made by the driver of a piste-grooming machine returning from his night’s work.
It is believed that the recent bad weather has caused several minor avalanches which may have dislodged the body from its original resting place.
A full post-mortem will be carried out. Mr Cassiobury’s next of kin, his brother who was skiing with the deceased before he disappeared, is travelling to the resort to formally identify the body.
32
January 2020, La Madière, France
Hugo
‘Terrible business,’ Simon is saying. ‘Poor sod. Out there all alone in the snow for all that time. What a way to go.’
‘Awful,’ Cass agrees.
The atmosphere in the chalet is subdued. Nothing is official yet, but everyone seems pretty sure that the body is this guy Will who died in an accident years ago.
‘His brother’s on the way over, apparently,’ Matt says. ‘But his age, sex, and even where he was found, given the recent avalanches compared to where he disappeared, indicate it’s him, as far as I understand. Though nothing will be official until he is formally identified.’
‘Better for the family to have finally found him,’ Cass adds. ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about.’ She shudders, and then leans down to kiss the top of Inigo’s head. He gives a contented sigh of delight and I feel a pang of loss for the baby Ria has so far made sure isn’t going to come into being.
Ria is upstairs in our room, lying down; she says she doesn’t feel well. I’m all out of sympathy. She shouldn’t drink so much. Or lie to me.
33
January 2020, Phuket, Thailand
Adam
It was the last thing I was expecting.
Impressive how they found me so quickly, on the other side of the world and after all these years.
It probably sounds terribly callous of me, but for the last couple of decades, I’ve barely thought about Will. Or about what happened that day on the mountain, and the things that went on in the run-up to it.
I was in the press a bit at the time, the miracle survivor who’d made it through a stormy night alone on the mountain. I wasn’t lying when I told the papers the accident changed me – it did. It made me realize we only have one life. I didn’t want to waste it all on a City job I wasn’t that enamoured with – however much money I was making.
So I quit my job and went travelling with my end-of-year bonus – with Nell, to start with. We volunteered in orphanages in Africa, helped pick grapes in France, were part of a yacht crew around the Caribbean for a while. To start with, it was blissful. I couldn’t have been happier.
And it was true what I’d said initially; when I woke up, I didn’t remember anything about how Will had died. Or the holiday. All I knew was that I had two black fingertips where the snow had frozen them off, and the things that people had told me about that day and my rescue. I’d been found huddled in a snow hole I’d made for myself by a rock. I’d been out there all night – they were amazed I’d survived the storm, so high up on the mountain. Once I was well enough to think about it, I was amazed I’d survived too – Will had always been the practical one, and yet somehow I’d built myself a shelter which had kept me alive, while he had seemingly disappeared into thin air.
But over time, I started to remember more about what had happened. Guilt gnawed away at me. Nell and I split up when my regular black moods, and occasional violent outbursts, became too much for her. Living my free and easy life out in the sunshine while my brother’s body was on a frozen mountain became difficult for me to cope with. I ended up in therapy, which was next to useless, but eventually I built a life – not a particularly exceptional one, but a comfortable one. I tried to keep thoughts of Will out of my mind – it was easier that way. Indeed, it was the only way I could deal with it. I’ve come to terms with what happened – it was over twenty years ago, after all – and I’ve found that I can live with it.
And now this.
I have to go. I can see that. But I’m not interested in digging up the past. What’s gone is gone. I can’t see how any good’s going to come of this, for anyone.
34
BEFORE
‘Hello? Hello? Are you OK in there?’ Someone was pushing the letterbox open, looking in.
I was sitting on the floor by the door with Teddy, crying and shouting for Mama. I’d been shouting for so long that my throat hurt. I fell silent as I heard the voice. It sounded kind. But Mama always told me that almost no one was kind, that even people who seemed nice and friendly could change in an instant, and that I had to be very careful about who I trusted.
I stood up. ‘I’m hungry,’ I wailed. ‘And I haven’t got any food.’
‘Oh dear,’ said the voice. It was a lady’s voice. ‘Is your mummy there?’
‘No.’
‘Your daddy?’
‘A long way away.’