He shifted so he was lying beside me, and he propped himself up on one elbow, resting the other over me. He was giving me space, while maintaining our connection.
The lines were blurring, and I didn’t know where we stood anymore. Only a few hours into this fictional relationship, and my whole world had been flipped upside down. My head knew it was fake, temporary. But my heart—and my body—were an entirely different matter. My body yearned for this man. And my heart whispered this was where I belonged.
“I shouldn’t have…” He shook his head, tucking his arms behind it.
I missed his touch, wanted to kick myself for stopping something so amazing. As we lay there, staring at the ceiling, I gathered the courage to voice my greatest fear.
“Can we really do this and not ruin our friendship?” He was the most important person in my life, and I didn’t want to lose him.
“Of course we can.”
I envied his conviction. I envied the way he could just shut off his feelings and erect a wall between physical connection and emotional. He made it seem so easy.
I let out a deep sigh, my mind, body, and heart at war.
“Tell me the truth.” His expression was serious as he turned on his side to face me. I mirrored his movement, tucking my hands beneath my head. “What was the first thing that popped into your head when your dad said the words ‘Dame Dungeon’?”
“Fifty Shades,” I blurted.
We both started laughing, and the universe fell back into place. Justin was my best friend. And I was in love with him.
It was warm under the covers, really warm. And I burrowed farther beneath the comforter, not ready to climb out of bed just yet. I’d been working overtime lately—pushing myself to finish designs for my clients. Between work and preparing for the holidays, I hadn’t had much time to sleep. It was one of the hazards of being your own boss. You had the ability to set your own hours, and I tended to work all hours.
The house was quiet, but then I heard the gentle murmur of someone else’s breath. My eyes widened as I remembered it wasn’t a dream—Justin was in my bed. As quietly as I could, I turned to face him. He was lying on his stomach, arm thrown above his head, hair mussed from sleep. I wanted to run my fingers through his auburn strands, smooth my hand down his back. He was so handsome, so caring, such a good friend.
Right. Friend, I reminded myself.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my stomach cramping. This was a bad idea—the worst. Lying to my family. Kissing my best friend. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself. I’d dreamed of being with Justin for so long, that I had to know.
And then, once this weekend was over, once we were over, I’d move on, and he’d move to Colorado. At least if things really did blow up, I wouldn’t have to see his face every day. But the thought made me sick to my stomach. I had to get out of here. I needed to clear my head. To get away from this man who twisted up my insides and owned my heart.
I crept out of bed, shutting the door to my room quietly before padding down the stairs to the kitchen.
I made myself some coffee, enjoying the stillness of the morning. At least until I heard someone approach. I braced myself when I saw who it was—Violet.
“Good morning,” she muttered, pushing her hair away from her face.
I lifted my chin in greeting but didn’t say anything more. Instead, I sipped my coffee and wished for solitude. I didn’t even know what to say to her. Should I scold her? Congratulate her? What?
She moved around the kitchen, mixing up some green concoction before leaning against the counter. She took a sip and her expression soured.
I couldn’t take it; I cracked. “What the heck are you drinking? That looks disgusting.”
“It is.” She cringed, taking another gulp.
“Then why are you drinking it?”
“Because I’m getting married, and I want to look good for the wedding.”
Barely two minutes into the conversation and there was no avoiding it. She was engaged to my ex and planning their wedding—their future—together. I seethed with the betrayal of it. She was my sister. She wasn’t supposed to date my ex-boyfriend, let alone marry him. Not that I wanted to marry him.
“I can’t believe you’re dating Justin,” she said, interrupting my internal diatribe.
“Why?” I hated the defensive tinge to my tone.
“I just…” She shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. “I’m surprised you crossed that line. I knew you always had a crush on him, but…”
“What?” I snapped. “But he’s out of my league?”
She jerked her head back. “No. Not at all. I just know how important his friendship is to you.”
I stared at the contents of my mug, knowing how true that was. “He’s my best friend,” I whispered.
She pulled out the chair next to me and sat down, grabbing my hand. “How long have you been dating? And why didn’t you tell me?”
I lifted my gaze to hers, anger burning in my eyes. “Seriously?”
“What? We’ve always been close.”
I scoffed. “Says the woman who’s engaged to her sister’s ex.”
She retracted her hand, a pained expression on her face. “I’m sorry, Brie,” Violet said. “We never meant to hurt you. If it makes you feel any better, I fought the attraction. We both did.”
“Whatever,” I huffed. I didn’t want to hear it. “You wouldn’t have kept it a secret if you didn’t know it was wrong.”
“It’s not wrong.” She tightened her grip on her glass of green grossness. “Yes, it’s awkward. You dated him first, I get it. But we didn’t start dating until after you’d broken up.”
“How long after?”
She sighed. “Does it matter?” She waved a hand through the air, dismissing the question. “We love each other, and I really hoped you’d be supportive.”
I barked out a laugh.
She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you seriously going to sit there and judge me? How many times did you tell me you and Justin were just friends? And now, to find out you’ve been dating for months—” She shook her head. “I’m not the only one who’s been keeping secrets.”
“Whatever.” I glanced out the window, using the edge of my sleeve to wipe away a tear. It was too much—all of it. I was lying to everyone, most of all myself.
“Look—” She sighed. “I’m sorry. And yes, I should’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was certain. Surely, you can understand that.”
“I suppose,” I finally said, thinking about what a hypocrite I was. I softened, turning my attention back to my sister. “I’m happy for you, really. I just…wish it had been someone else.”
She nodded, her expression contrite. “I know. Me too. But the heart wants who it wants.”
“Yep.”
“So…will you forgive me? Please.”
I sighed, wanting to say yes but knowing I couldn’t. Not yet. Not if I didn’t mean it. “I need some time to get used to the idea of the two of you together.”
“Same! Though, I always thought you and Justin would make a good couple.”