“I volunteer at the LGBTQ+ sexual health clinic.”
“Oh, the one on Morley Street?”
I nodded. “We’re thinking of doing some kind of input on porn and the unrealistic expectations it gives young people.”
“Sounds great,” he replied. “I attended a support group there when I first came out.”
“Really? My brother did too.”
“Oh my God, really?” he said, clutching his chest. “They helped me so much.”
“I’m really pleased you got help.” I stopped myself from telling Elliott’s story and focused on him. “Do you mind me asking if you watched porn when you were exploring your sexuality?”
“Absolutely,” he replied. “Who doesn’t? It’s easy to find what you’re interested in online.”
“Did it give you unrealistic expectations of sex?”
“Darling, I’m gay, we could be here all night talking about that.” He tipped his head and thought through the original question before answering, “I think porn did give me unrealistic expectations. In the early days when I was experimenting, I would have done anything to please a guy I was into. Low self-esteem and confusion tend to do that.”
“Even things you didn’t really feel sexually?” I asked, completely fascinated.
“I’m ashamed and angry at myself to admit it now, but yeah.”
“That’s so interesting.”
“Sad,” he replied softly. “It’s sad.”
“You’ve learned from it though?”
“Of course. Life experience gives you clarity doesn’t it? My partner and I experiment sexually but if either of us said we weren’t into whatever we were doing we’d stop and move on.”
“Do you think porn contributes to liberal attitudes to safe sex?” I asked.
“Oh, wow. These questions keep coming,” he replied, wiping his forehead. “I don’t know. Possibly.” He switched off both TV’s by firing the remote at it like a game of Russian Roulette. “What do you think?”
“Well, thinking about it from my point of view,” I replied. “I wasn’t sheltered when it came to sex. I was dancing in gay clubs when I was seventeen. I saw a lot I shouldn’t have, but when I think about me at that age now, if I’d have watched that woman drinking a bowl of cum? I’d have been terrified that was something I might have been expected to do as part of a sexual relationship.” He nodded in agreement. “Isn’t that terrible? That young people see that and be totally put off sex?”
“I see your point.”
“Or even worse. Does porn encourage someone to be forceful and ignore consent?” I went over to the shelves full of Blu-ray cases and looked at the image stills on the back. I didn’t know what I was looking for. Maybe something that would have taken my interest, a film I thought would turn me on. I was no stranger to watching porn, had enjoyed it both on my own and in past relationships, but I didn’t feel turned on by any of these films. I just felt troubled by the bar set and the expectations the younger generation would feel if they were influenced by them.
The door opened as I finished looking around at the shelves. A guy walked in, looked mid-fifties I would say, took one look at me, turned a bright shade of red and promptly walked out again.
“Wrong door?” I shrugged before smiling.
The guy in the stilettos laughed and added, “Yeah, he was totally looking for the sex robots.”
3
Will
“I need to talk to you about something. An idea I’ve had,” Skye said and every alarm bell in my body started to ring. It usually did when she uttered those words because it led to situations that ended badly, or at least a hangover and some regret. She jumped off the counter, her lilac Doc Martin’s thumping to the floor as she grabbed some condoms from the drawer. “On second thought. Forget it. I need more time to think it through.” Ah, there was the whirlwind in her. She found it hard to make a decision and stick to it. I thought this caution had developed after life had kicked her a few times, leaving her unable to navigate risk, but now I wondered if it was inbuilt. DNA to keep her on track, hold her back a bit for her own safety.
“Does your idea involve Tequila or Sambuca?”
“Nope and nope,” she replied, giving me an eye roll. I liked to think she kept that roll for me, but after five years of friendship I knew it was a default setting. “Newsflash, not all ideas involve alcohol.”
“Yours normally do.” She flashed a look at me and I loved it. All bark and no bite.
“I knew this was a bad idea,’ she replied. “Last time you came to a club I remember you asking a lesbian couple if they needed condoms.”
“That was a genuine mistake!” I protested. “It was dark, the lights in the club were flashing in my eyes.”
“They weren’t impressed.”
“They offered to show me their dicks,” I replied. “That didn’t help.”
“They were taking the piss out of you!”
“You don’t need to worry tonight; I have my glasses.” I pointed to my face and found her staring a little, her tongue darting out as she licked the corner of her mouth. “It’s magic. You put these things on, and ta-da! You can see.”
She started busying herself grabbing leaflets and samples of lube.
“Stick with me tonight and don’t start making conversations with people.” She looked up and tipped her head. “That tends to go wrong for you.”
“I’m deeply hurt by that statement.” Cue another amazing eye roll. Bingo. She always played into my silent demands.
“Stop talking,” she replied, holding up her hand. A deep sigh fell from her gorgeous mouth. “Grab some lube and let’s go.”
“I’ve longed to hear you say that,” I said, laughing as I saw the twitch of her lips. “All my life. Honestly.”
“Arsehole.”
I followed her out of the clinic, amazed at the sway of her hips and the curve of her bum. She came in a small package, but everything about it was refined, perfectly proportioned and pretty damn sweet. I forced myself to look elsewhere, away from the line of her stocking that was just visible underneath the mountain of ruffles of the skirt she was wearing. It looked like a tutu had exploded and left a mess. The stockings were hard to stop staring at but when I looked up she was wearing what could only be described as my wet dream from Monday night. A corset. Black. Clinging. The mound of her breast peeking out from underneath her leather biker jacket. Jesus. Yeah, eyes would need to stay around the safe zones. Shoulder. Knee. Nope. No safe zones available.
Fuck.
“So, tonight, we’re going to a youth night at a gay club in town. Ends at midnight so you’ll still get plenty of beauty sleep and God knows you need it.’ I hoicked up the box I was carrying and trailed behind her. This was familiar territory for us. Skye called and I followed. From the moment we met she stirred something amazing in me. Magical and unfathomable. I wanted to be my best self around her, for her, for only her. Truth be told, she scared me when we first met. Stacey introduced me to her as the funniest guy I know. You’re going to love him. She stared at me like I’d just told her I had a deep-rooted family connection to Jack The Ripper. She was all harsh scowls and piercings, unless she was with her brother and she showed her heart was wider than the ocean and just as deep.