“If you’re going to school in engineering,” Harlan said, “you need a better computer. Owen said this one was right. Good for graphics and all.”
She came around the table and hugged him, then Annabelle, and said, “This is the best day. Thank you. I didn’t think the actual graduation part would mean that much, but it felt like a really big deal. So did you cry, Mom? You looked like you cried.”
“Of course I cried,” she said. “I cried like a … a faucet. I was awfully proud, baby girl. You should be proud of yourself, too. You worked so hard.”
“Not as hard as you,” Dyma said, back in her chair again. “I mean, sure, I worked at Burger King and all, and that wasn’t exactly a picnic, but most of school wasn’t that hard. I have a feeling college is going to be a lot harder. What do you think, Owen?”
“I think you’re right,” he said. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve got this. Even though you might not always be the smartest person in the room.” He smiled at her. “Maybe the second smartest sometimes. Never mind. Competition builds character.”
“I wish Grandma had been there, though,” Dyma said. “I missed her a lot. You know she’d have had something funny to say. She’d have loved all the Googling.”
“You’re right,” Jennifer said, and pulled the wrapped box from her tote. “I thought she should be here, too. That’s why my graduation present to you has a little bit of her in it.” And then slid the box across to Dyma and held her breath.
Dyma opened it, as excited as Christmas morning, and pulled out the bracelet that rested on a pad of cotton wool.
It wasn’t from Tiffany, or from Cartier, either, but it had love inside. A cuff made of bands of sterling silver, antler, turquoise, and dark, polished wood, with a little diamond embedded off-center, like the first star in the night sky. Jennifer said, “It’s the diamond from Grandma’s ring. I had the artist put it in there so you can have her with you all the time, telling you how much she believes in you and how much she loves you. When it gets hard, when you doubt yourself … remember who you are, and where you came from.”
“Mom.” Dyma had teared up. “Thank you. This is …” She put the bracelet on her wrist. “It’s beautiful. It’s …” The tears started for real, and Jennifer handed over a tissue. That was a Mom job for sure, having extra tissues in your purse.
Dyma cried a little, and Owen put his arm around her and held her while she did it. Jennifer felt a pang of sadness that she wasn’t the first person her daughter turned to for comfort anymore, and then realized that this was right. This was the way it should be.
When Dyma was done, she wiped her eyes and said, “She’d have told you how great you did, too, Mom. She thought you hung the moon and stars.”
“That’s a mom’s job,” Jennifer said through a throat that was closing yet again. “That’s the main job.”
“So did it feel awesome to have Harlan there?” Dyma asked, blowing her nose one more time, but getting her bounce back the way she always would. “All those bitchy ladies being so jealous? Didn’t they used to call you names and things?”
“You know,” Jennifer said, “it feels like a long time ago now. It hurt for a long time, but I was just thinking tonight, when I was standing in line for the bathroom, that I was once in a stall in that same bathroom, pregnant with you, hearing girls talk about me, saying things that felt like they corroded my soul. I thought afterwards that I should have come out of the stall and confronted them, but at the time, I could no more have done that than I could have flown to the moon. And tonight, it just seemed … over. Everybody was a lot younger then. And I’ve had a great life.”
“Exactly,” Dakota said quietly, because Dakota had gone through nearly the same thing. Jennifer had never mentioned it, just like Dakota hadn’t about her, but they both knew it.
She had to tell Dakota how happy she was for her, sometime tonight. Quietly, in case it was a secret still, but she had to give her a hug.
“So living well is the best revenge?” Dyma asked. “Is that it?”
Blake shifted restlessly in his chair, and Jennifer knew why. He was fiercely protective of Dakota. He’d fought for her. She was pretty sure he’d have died for her. Once, she’d had her own share of jealousy about that. Which was why she said, “No. I think being happy is the best revenge, because you don’t need revenge anymore, once you’re happy. Once you’re …” She spread her hand out, saw the flash of gold from her bracelet, felt the baby move inside her, the flutters stronger now, and tried to think of the words. “Not happy, exactly. More … content. Strong in yourself.”
“Maybe it’s this,” Owen said. “Which you should enjoy, Dyma, because it’s the Tao. ‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’”
“Wow,” Dakota said. “I have to think about that, but it feels true.”
“Yeah,” Blake said. “It does.”
“That’s it, Mom,” Dyma said. “That was the way Grandma loved you. And that’s the way you’ve always loved me. Like … there’s not sand under my feet. There’s rock. There’s always been rock. And so you know—I know that. And I love you, too.”
Well, yeah. Jennifer cried again. If your life added up to your memories … this day was one she’d add.
And then there was the moment at the end of dinner. When Owen stood up and said, “Can I have a couple minutes of your time, Jennifer?”
Oh, boy. What was this? She tried to marshal her arguments, then remembered her resolve. This wasn’t hers to say. She’d made her decisions at fifteen. She had to let Dyma make hers at nineteen.
If they don’t ask for your advice, she told herself, don’t give it. That’s how you get asked for advice the next time. And headed down to the lower terrace with Owen’s careful hand under her elbow.
When they got there, he waited a second, presumably gathering his thoughts, then said, “I don’t want to do anything to cause you pain. Seems to me you’ve had enough pain.”
All she thought was, You are the sweetest man. She put a hand on his enormous arm and said, “I appreciate that. But I don’t expect to never have pain, you know. Go on and say it, whatever it is.”
He said, “I know how you’ve felt about a … a relationship between Dyma and me. A sexual relationship. For the record, I’ve felt a little bit the same way.”
“You don’t sleep with high-school girls.”
“Yeah. But honestly … I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be able to hold out.”
She took a minute. She wanted to get this right. When she thought she had it, she said, “I think you should follow your heart and your … your honor. I’m confident in both of those.”
He sighed and looked out over the lake. “If it helps, I’m pretty sure she’s going to break my heart. She’s got a lot of life to live. I’m not positive she’s going to end up wanting to live it with me. But I can’t seem to help myself.”