Tosh points the camera at Will, who puts on an easygoing smile and starts to talk. “We’re here in the beautiful jungles of Zamunda—the third-largest untouched rainforest on the planet and also one of the most species-rich habitats on Earth. There are over 10,000 species of tropical plants here, four hundred species of mammals, a whopping eight hundred fish species—including piranhas. And for anyone who likes to have a lie-in, this is not the place because these forests are home to over two thousand types of birds. And they like to wake up early. The Zamundan jungle is one of the most dangerous places I’ve been, and also one of my favourites.
“It’s literally teeming with wildlife and danger at every turn. And we are about to be dropped into the heart of it, where we can only hope we don't come across any of the several species of gorillas or chimpanzees, who, from my past experience, I can tell you are not big fans of humans venturing into their territory. If we manage to avoid them, we’ll still have to worry about the giant rats that call this jungle home. They’re roughly the size of a large house cat and they have razor-sharp teeth they use to kill any venomous snakes who try to attack them. But all of that is nothing compared to the deadly spiders we’re sure to see. And as if that wasn’t enough, it’s not just the animals who live here that can kill you—some of the plants can as well.”
He stops talking for a second but keeps grinning. What the hell is he grinning about? None of the things he just said sound remotely positive. I glare openly while he continues.
“Venturing out here without a good knowledge of the area is going to get you killed, because even though you’re surrounded by food sources and fresh water, if you don't know where to find them, you'll likely succumb to poisoning. That is, if you don’t starve to death first. These forests are so dense and the terrain so difficult, it would take a search and rescue team several months to find your body.”
Tears spring to my eyes and I quickly look out the side of the helicopter which only causes my stomach to lurch. It’ll be okay. Just don’t listen to him, Arabella. He's only saying those things to add to the drama.
“We’re about to rappel down into the canopy of the jungle to start our trek all the way to Mbambole. This is where we have to have an incredible amount of trust in our helicopter pilot because one wrong move by him, and Princess Arabella and I will fall to our deaths or be impaled by one of the thousands of tree branches below. Lucky for us, Idriss is one of the best in the world.”
Will casually leans his upper body out of the helicopter, searching for a spot to stop. I have a sudden urge to grab him and pull him back in, but I don’t. After a few minutes, he shouts, “This looks good here! There’s an opening in the trees directly below us!”
Does it? Does it really look good?
Idriss gives him the thumbs up.
I guess it does.
“All right, Your Highness, are you ready to do this?”
I try to nod, but my head shakes a solid no, instead.
“I thought as much,” he says with a look of understanding that I’m positive is totally phony. “It's okay. It's pretty cool that you even got this far. Very few people on the planet have ever seen any of this.”
He smiles in a way that is both kind and condescending at the same time.
There's something about it that ignites a fire in my belly. “You'd like that, wouldn't you? If I stayed in the helicopter?”
“To be honest, yes. Then I wouldn't have you to worry about the entire time,” he says. “Think about it—by tonight you could be at home on your thousand-thread-count sheets.”
“They’re two thousand, actually, and they’ll be waiting for me in ten days. Now how do we do this?”
He gives me an exasperated look, then stands up and turns his back to the open side of the helicopter. “Stand here,” he says. “Grip this bar. Step back onto this skid. Then step off slowly and you'll start to slide down.”
“See you out there. Or not,” he says, stepping back and dropping out of sight.
I stand, my entire body feeling wobbly as I reach up and grab hold of the bar next to the door. Okay, Arabella. You can do this. It's just an easy step back. You are not going to die.
Yes, you are, you fool. Get back in your seat, where you belong!
I grip the bar so hard, the skin of my palms is being pinched, but I don’t dare let go now that I’m here. The wind whips me and the sound of the blades so close to my head makes me feel dizzy and disoriented. I’m now too scared to step back and too scared to let go so I can reach for my seat. I close my eyes, forcing the tears of fear back inside, my breath shaky.
“Will’s already disconnected. You’ve got to go, Your Highness!” Idriss says. “I can’t hover so close to these trees much longer.”
Right. I need to hurry. But I don’t want to hurry because I’m not in any rush to die! Was my life really so bad? Being served every meal and helping charities every day? It wasn’t. I don’t need to do this. I can’t.
“You've got this, Your Highness!” Dylan shouts. “For all women everywhere!”
Yes. Equal Everywhere. I have to do this.
I reach behind me with my right foot, tapping with my toes until I feel the skid.
“It's easier if you do this with your eyes open,” Mac shouts at me.
“No, thank you. I'm good like this,” I yell back, forcing my foot to land firmly on the skid. Okay, that's one. Now do the other one. Just do it. For all women everywhere.
“I want to see you be brave,” Dylan screams.
“Yes, I brave,” I say. I don’t think that made sense. I can’t let that be my last words.
“You need to make a decision, Your Highness,” Idriss calls.
“All right!” I snap. “I’m going.”
My hands are starting to cramp up, but I force my left foot down, then without thinking, I take a deep breath and shift my weight behind me, letting my feet slide off the skid.
And now I’m slowly being lowered to the ground.
And swearing like a sailor the entire way down.
I guess, “Shiiittttttttt-fuckballs-son-of-a-bitch-ffffffffuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkk!” will be my last words.
Good thing it’s all going to be captured on film for prosperity.
12
Don’t Lick the Yellow Ones
Will
Well, bugger, she is actually doing it. I stand, my eyes fixed on her as she drops toward me. I’m seriously torn between being incredibly impressed, super irritated, and wanting to bust out laughing because of the string of fucks and shit fucks and mother fucking fuckers pouring out of her mouth.
I remove my harness, then let go so it can be pulled back up to the helicopter, all the while keeping my eyes on her as she descends.
“FUUUCCKKKKKKKKKKKING HELLL!” she shouts, clearly not realizing she’s almost on the ground.
I reach up and grab her by the waist, then gently lower her. “Welcome to the jungle. I'm going to unhook you now.”
She nods slightly, her chest heaving, her face pink. If she weren’t so annoying, I’d say she’s cute right now.
“I did it,” she whispers. “I didn’t die.”