I will not let a nameless stranger break me—not ever.
Once I reach my apartment door, I guide my key inside of the lock and turn it, before slipping into the one-bedroom home. Once again, Holden and I are sharing a room, except it’s in our own place. We have a living room, a dining room, a shared bedroom, and a complete kitchen to call our own.
My mother lifts her head from her needlework on the couch. Wrinkling my nose, I look down at what she’s doing as I make my way toward her.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s Holden’s Christmas stocking,” she explains.
“The one you started when I was pregnant?” I ask.
Her lips press together as her eyes narrow. “How did it go? We’re just not going to talk about it?”
My lips slowly curve up into a smile. “I didn’t get the job,” I say softly. It isn’t a lie, either. I didn’t get the job, at least not the one that I applied for.
“You didn’t? Then why are you smiling?” she asks as she narrows her eyes on me.
Licking my lips, they turn up into an even bigger grin. “I got a better one. I’m going to be Mr. Astor’s personal assistant. I did all the HR paperwork and I start on Monday.”
“You’re going to be Landry’s assistant?” she asks, arching a brow.
She doesn’t look like the happy mother that I expected. Instead, she frowns slightly as she watches me.
“It’s sixty thousand dollars a year,” I explain. “The childcare is only two hundred dollars a month, and that includes meals. Mom, it’s almost too good to be true, but it is, it’s true.”
I’m excited, or at least I was, until my mother’s reaction and now I just feel… deflated.
“Mom?”
She clears her throat, giving me a hesitant smile. “I’m sure it’s going to work out wonderfully,” she offers.
“Mom?” I say, my tone more of a warning.
She shakes her head once. “It’s just. You have no experience as an assistant, not like he would need. Now you’re going to be one to the owner of the company? A huge company? I’m sorry, but you’re young and beautiful, I can’t help but wonder if he has ulterior motives in his reason for hiring you for that particular position.”
“He’s married to your friend. He has grown children. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think he’s doing an old friend a favor and I am not going to question it. Not when I have a mouth to feed and no other prospects.”
My mom reaches out, patting my hand. “Okay, Tenny. Okay.”
I don’t believe her words, except I can’t help that they creep into the back of my head. They sit there, lying in wait, and the rest of the weekend it’s all I can think about.
Even as my mother leaves on Sunday evening, they’re there. Even when I lie in bed, my son in his toddler bed in the corner of the room. They are there, swimming, moving, shifting to the front of my mind, then to the back, then to the front again.
Chapter Six
TENNESSEE
Before my mom left, she had gone and bought a bunch of work clothes for me, without my knowledge, along with actual high-heeled shoes. She told me it was from the money that she’d been saving, that was mine, but I think she bought it with her own.
My mother, she and I are so different. She prefers tight, bright, and flashy, and I am more of a comfortable with a neutral color scheme. Thankfully, she took my personal preferences into consideration, at least with my clothes, my shoes, on the other hand, are a different story.
“Woo wee, girl,” Bethie calls out softly as I make my way toward her counter.
Monday morning. First day on the job. I’m wearing a black pencil skirt, with a tight deep teal blouse, and a snug black cardigan. On my feet, however, are my most subdued new shoes. A pair of hot pink, sky-high heels with rhinestones wrapped around the back of the heel and the actual stems.
My feet are already aching after the several city blocks that I walked to get here, I can’t imagine how they’re going to feel tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter, because the adrenaline flowing through my system is enough to keep the pain at bay.
“I feel like it’s too much,” I admit as I reach her counter.
Bethie shakes her head from side to side as she reaches a paper cup of coffee in my direction. “Nope, it’s fierce and perfect for your new position. This must be Holden?” she asks, dipping her chin to him as I take the cup from her hand.
“It is. Say hello, Holden,” I instruct softly.
Holden lifts up his hand, his palm facing her as he gives her a big toothy grin. “Hi,” he cries out. He hasn’t really learned volume control yet, and I feel my face heat from his sheer volume.
Bethie laughs softly. “He is so sweet,” she gushes as she reaches out and touches her palm to his in a mini-high five.
“Thank you so much for the coffee,” I say. She smiles, flicking her gaze from Holden to mine. “Anytime. You better get him all settled, come see me before you head upstairs?”
Nodding my head, I give her a smile and walk past her desk, toward the back of the hallway. It’s so bright in here that I don’t feel even an ounce of trepidation. Reaching for the door, I hold my key card against the panel and wait to hear the small buzz that unlocks the door.
Tugging it open, I hitch my diaper bag higher on my shoulder as I head toward the daycare front desk. Tawny is standing right at the check-in, where she was when I toured here last week. She greets me with the same bright smile that she did a few days ago.
“Is this him?” she coos.
“It is,” I say softly.
Now that I’m here, now that it’s time, I’m wondering if I really have to leave him here. This is what I wanted. This is what I signed up for, but it’s really here, it’s real and I’m not sure I want it anymore.
I’ve worked for three years for this moment, and now, I don’t want to let him go. Inhaling a deep breath, I take a step forward. Tawny, if she notices my hesitancy, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she starts to talk about all of the things he’ll be doing today.
She shows me where to put his things, and then she guides me into the playroom where the rest of the children are in little groups playing with toys.
“You downloaded the app?” she asks.
Nodding, I lick my lips. The first thing I did was download the parental portal viewing app on my phone. I can check on him every minute of every single day. He wiggles, pointing to the big oversized LEGO blocks and repeats the single word, down, over and over.
Kissing his cheek, I bend slightly, and I let him down. I don’t want to. I don’t want to walk away from him. I want to stand right here and watch him, make sure that he’s safe, that he’s happy.
“If there’s any problem at all, we’ll call you.”
“Right,” I murmur, my eyes never leaving him. He walks over to the blocks, plopping his booty down, and starts to play with a little brown-haired girl.
“It’s hard, right? I remember all too clearly.”
Shifting my gaze over to her, I nod as my eyes fill with unshed tears. “I’ve never…”