“Baby, you wakin’ up?” I kiss her temple and down her cheek.
She hums softly, and her palm comes to rest against the side of my neck. “Kodiak.”
“You talking to me in your sleep?” I hover over her mouth.
Her lips turn up. “I tried to stay awake.”
“You and the bunnies?”
“Mmm. Me and the bunnies.” She licks her lips. “I need a mint before you kiss me hello.”
“No, you don’t.” I slant my mouth over hers and part her lips with my tongue.
She makes a slight noise of protest that turns into a sweet moan. She tastes like watermelon Jolly Rancher, so she must not have been asleep all that long. We kiss until it’s clear Lavender wants it to become more. She kicks off the blanket and tries to shove my hand down the front of her sleep shorts.
“Not yet.” I smile against her lips. “I have something for you.”
“I’d rather have an orgasm than whatever it is.”
I chuckle. Lavender is always a little surly when she’s woken unexpectedly, and now is a perfect example of that.
“I promise you’ll get what you want after, but I have something special for you since it happens to be your birthday.” I pull back and tilt my head toward the end of the couch where helium balloons and a bottle of champagne are set up. “No more underage drinking for you. Gonna be hard to give up your badass, deviant ways.”
“If we lived in Canada, I’d have been legal for two years already.” She grabs the front of my shirt and tries to pull my mouth back to hers. “Thank you for the balloons and champagne. Let’s drink that after you’ve been inside me.”
“That’s not the present.” I kiss the end of her nose.
“I missed you,” she whispers huskily. “The sun isn’t as bright when you’re not here for it to shine on.”
“I missed you too.” I indulge her in a short, chaste kiss while I produce a small box from behind my back. “Happy twenty-first birthday, baby.” I shift so I’m on one knee and swallow my anxiety as I flip the box open.
Lavender shakes off the residual sleepiness and sits up in a rush. “Kodiak?”
The diamonds sparkle in the dim light. “You’ve had my heart your entire life, Lavender, and even when I bruised yours, you still took care of mine. I’m sorry it took me so long to be able to love you like I was supposed to, and I don’t know if I’ll ever truly deserve you, but I want to try. I want this life with you. Please let me keep your heart.”
She strokes my cheek gently. “It’s always been yours.”
“Bind your soul to mine.” I lift the ring from its satin box and slide it on her finger. The center is set with a pale purple diamond, and on either side are two diamond-encrusted infinity symbols.
“They’re already long bound, but I’ll marry you anyway.” Her smile softens as she takes my face between her palms. “It’s beautiful and perfect, and I love you more than is rational most days.”
“And I love you beyond comprehension.”
“So much we nearly broke us.”
Her kiss is my grace. Lavender is the keeper of my heart. She’s the only truth that matters.
THE END
A NOTE TO MY READERS
Thank you for coming on this journey with Lavender and Kodiak. For jumping in with both feet and making it to the end. I know it wasn’t easy, but this story came right from my heart and I couldn’t let these characters go until I reached their happily ever after.
Anxiety is such a beast.
One I’m familiar with. I couldn’t name it as a kid and didn’t understand why my heart would race, or I sometimes felt like my mind was spinning and I couldn’t get it to stop. I wanted off the roller coaster ride, but it was hard to escape when it was inside my own head. It took time, and a lot of practice, falling down and getting back up, but I learned how to live with the fears and worries and not let them rule me. Running and writing have been my best coping strategies.
I once had the very rare privilege of working with a young woman with paralyzing anxiety. She didn’t speak above a whisper when she was in public places, if at all. I was one of the few she talked to, but even I didn’t get to see her truly come out of her shell, and to this day it haunts me. Because I’ve seen what she’s like with the people she is most comfortable with and she was dynamic and vital and amazing. But the world was just too overwhelming for her.
So when I wrote Lavender I put pieces of this young woman in her. The strong and resilient parts.
Anxiety is a monster and a weed. It can grow and become unruly and suffocating. But there are ways to cope.
If you’ve found yourself anxious this year in ways you haven’t before (you’re not alone), know there are resources and help available. There are places and people you can connect with.
You can tame the beast. It isn’t easy, but you can be a Lavender. You can find your voice and take control.
This story is for everyone out there who experiences life with overwhelming clarity. And still pushes through every day and makes the most of this beautiful, terrible world.
Much love,
~Helena
Anxiety and Mental Health Resources
Canadian Mental Health Association
Anxiety Canada
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
Child Mind Institute
ABOUT THE AUTHOR HELENA HUNTING
NYT and USA Today bestselling author, Helena Hunting lives on the outskirts of Toronto with her incredibly tolerant family and two moderately intolerant cats. She writes contemporary romance ranging from new adult angst to romantic sports comedy.
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GOODREADS
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OTHER TITLES BY HELENA HUNTING
All IN SERIES
A Lie for a Lie
A Favor for a Favor
A Secret for a Secret
PUCKED SERIES
Pucked (Pucked #1)
Pucked Up (Pucked #2)
Pucked Over (Pucked #3)
Forever Pucked (Pucked Book #4)
Pucked Under (Pucked #5)
Pucked Off (Pucked #6)
Pucked Love (Pucked #7)
AREA 51: Deleted Scenes & Outtakes
Get Inked
Pucks & Penalties
SHACKING UP SERIES
Shacking Up
Getting Down (Novella)
Hooking Up
I Flipping Love You
Making Up
Handle with Care
THE CLIPPED WINGS SERIES
Cupcakes and Ink
Clipped Wings
Between the Cracks
Inked Armor
Cracks in the Armor
Fractures in Ink
STANDALONE NOVELS
The Librarian Principle
Felony Ever After
FOREVER ROMANCE STANDALONES
The Good Luck Charm
Meet Cute
Kiss my Cupcake