She was quiet a long moment. “I just…worry.”
“I know, but your worry can be painful.”
“Fuck.” He heard her take a deep breath, and if she’d been the type, she might have started crying. “You know I’m trying not to be like her, right?”
That struck him in the heart. “I wasn’t saying…”
“No, but I am. I hear her voice come out of my mouth sometimes, and I get carried away. I’m surprised Julian forgave me for being such an epic bitch to him for so many years.”
He said nothing, because that was between Corinne and her brother. “Why don’t we plan for you to come down in a couple weeks,” he said.
“That long? I could…”
“In a couple weeks,” he said firmly, not backing down. “I’m settling right now. I need this time. I miss you so much, but you need to respect that.”
She choked a little, then swallowed back her frustration. “Okay. Just promise me it’ll be only a couple weeks.”
“Mark me down for the Saturday after next,” he told her, and she laughed softly in his ear. “We’ll make a day of it. I’ll take you to lunch, and we’ll get ice cream after. Maybe we’ll even come home and video call your brother.”
“He’ll die of jealousy,” she said, and there was a hint of glee in her voice. “Are you flying out for the…”
“No,” he interrupted. “No, sweetheart, I’m not going to Paris for the holidays. Not this year.”
“I bought a ticket,” she said slowly. “Archer’s brother’s going to visit. And one of his friends. And Ilan said he was thinking about it.”
Fredric winced, because he knew Ilan wasn’t planning on going anywhere. “That’ll be nice for him—and for you. I think the two of you need that.”
She groaned, but she didn’t argue further. He asked her about work after that and her latest boyfriend, and eventually she hung up, and he got back to his chilled soup. At that point, it was just sustenance, but everything felt like that these days.
It was a reminder of why he was trying so hard to make things different. He wanted to find the joy in everything and stop settling for scraps. And as much as it felt like he was using Ilan, he knew that it was the best place to start.
Chapter 12
“So,” Agatha said as she took the leash from Fredric, “are you sure you don’t want Bas with you?”
Fredric shook his head as he grabbed his cane from the coatrack. “If it were anyone else, I would, but he’s someone I trust with my life.”
He stopped when he heard the crunch of tires on gravel, and then Agatha let out a short breath. “God, he gets hotter and hotter every time I see him. Are you going to introduce me?”
Fredric lifted a brow. “Will Ted mind?”
At that, she snorted a laugh. “He’s crushing harder than I am. Anyway, I’m not stepping on toes here, I just want to shake that giant hand.”
Fredric had to physically swallow down his laugh as he heard Ilan’s shoes padding across the pavement, and he took a step to the side. “I’m all ready to go, but I wanted you to meet my neighbor first.”
“Agatha,” Ilan rumbled, and Fredric heard her suck in another breath. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“And I’ve seen a lot of you,” she shot back.
Fredric grinned, glad he hadn’t prepared Ilan for how blunt she was. “I do make an impression—or at least, people tell me. Are you dog-sitting tonight?”
“I am,” she said.
Fredric heard nothing, but then he heard Ilan kneeling down and ruffling Bas. “I’d be jealous. He’s my favorite family member. But I think Papa and I will be able to amuse ourselves without him.”
Agatha choked. “You call him Papa?”
“Only to annoy Julian,” Fredric offered, and she laughed.
They made small talk for another couple minutes, then Agatha headed over to her place, and Fredric followed Ilan to his car. It felt good to settle in, his nerves not nearly as on edge as they’d been when he was heading to the restaurant, but there was still a tinge of unease as Ilan started the car and pulled out onto the main road.
“I wasn’t expecting an afternoon date,” Fredric said after a bit.
He heard Ilan laugh quietly under his breath. “I don’t do typical dates. I don’t do dates at all, but if I did…” Fredric heard the blinker clicking, and then the car turned, “…they’d be like this.”
“What is this?” Fredric pressed, and Ilan clucked his tongue.
“I told you I’d help you feel comfortable so you can use your natural charm to woo someone, but I’m also teaching you that it’s okay to be wooed yourself. Which means being surprised—and trusting that surprise.”
And that was easy to say—hell, it was even easy to accept when it was Ilan—but he had enough experience to know that strangers rarely got it right. Still, he had promised himself he was going to try, and this was step one. “Alright,” he said, “I trust you.”
The car got quiet after that, and Fredric had a feeling they’d be driving for quite a while. He didn’t really mind the silence in Ilan’s car, though. It gave him a chance to center himself. He turned his face up toward the warmth of the sun, and he leaned his head back, and he just existed. It was soothing in all the right ways, and he never wanted it to end.
He was jolted back to the present Ilan took an abrupt right, and he sat up straight. “Sorry,” Ilan said, reaching out to touch Fredric’s arm. “Sorry, I almost missed the turn.” His voice sounded oddly hoarse, and Fredric wanted to ask if everything was okay, but he didn’t want to make him feel worse.
“It’s okay,” he assured him. “No harm done.”
Ilan hummed in disagreement, but he said nothing as they took a long, winding road that eventually led into what felt like a roundabout. Before he could ask again, Ilan’s car rolled to a stop, and then he let out a quiet sigh. “We’re here.”
Fredric’s brows dipped. “Do I finally get to know where here is?”
“Yes.” But when he didn’t elaborate, Fredric started to fidget. He was about to ask Ilan what he was doing, but something touched the side of his hand—weighted but thin, like paper. He turned his palm up, and with a single brush of fingers, he realized it was braille. “What…”
Helene Baskin Sensory Garden
Step behind ivy-covered, white stone walls and follow the two-mile path past our singing fountains, heavily scented flower gardens, butterfly displays, and thousands of plants that can be enjoyed with sight, smell, and touch. Everything in this garden is accessible for those with disabilities, and guided tours are available every Wednesday through Saturday by appointment.
Please enjoy your time and consider donating at the welcome desk.
Fredric swallowed thickly, then turned his face toward Ilan. “Is this,” he started, but his voice was rough, so he cleared his throat. “Is this really first date material?”