I hadn’t been able to turn my brain off to find sleep for myself. Instead of tossing and turning, I’d slipped a long cardigan on over my nightgown, put on a pair of thick, fuzzy socks, and with one of the soft, fluffy afghans Sylvia had knitted years ago draped over my shoulders, I headed out to the back garden.
Silva had put a loveseat out here years ago that I’d always favored, the cushions were faded from sun and age, but they were so fluffy you felt like you were sitting on a cloud. I headed right for it, curling up and laying my head back to stare up at the sky. The moon was full and bright, and millions of stars speckling the inky black. It was the kind of sight that took a person’s breath away. Sheer beauty, and it was available to me, right here in my own backyard.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out there when the crunch of footsteps let me know I was no longer alone. Tilting my head, I was able to make out Micah’s tall, solid frame from the bulb illuminating the back porch as he headed my way. The short gate let out a creak as he opened it and stepped into the yard.
“Hey,” I said softly, not wanting my voice to pierce the peaceful silence. “What are you doing out here?”
“Could ask you the same.” He wound his way easily through the paths like he’d walked them so many times they were committed to memory. “It’s the middle of the night. What’re you doin’ out here in the cold all by yourself?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I answered as he sat down on the loveseat beside me. He reached across the cushions and plucked me up like I weighed next to nothing, pulling me over to him so we were snuggled together. I adjusted the blanket so it covered both of us as he settled us in and wrapped me up in his arms. “What’s your reason?”
“Sleep comes and goes for me. Always has. Got up to take a piss and saw my woman sitting all alone in the dark through my window.”
I let out a little snort before giggling and burrowing against him. “Your woman, huh?” There was a tiny voice in the back of my head, warning me that I shouldn’t like that, but I ignored her. Sylvia and McKenna were right. I deserved some happiness.
“Yep. Got a problem with that?”
I scrunched my lips to the side, pretending like I was giving that some serious thought before replying, “Nope. I’m actually really okay with it.”
That seemed to surprise him. He tilted his face down to mine, the thick slashes of his brows lifting on his forehead. “Yeah?”
“Mmmhmm.”
He didn’t look convinced. “So you’re not gonna keep arguing with me about bein’ in a relationship?” he asked skeptically. “I’m not gonna have to kiss you or fuck you into agreement?”
I tipped my face up, smirking seductively as I gave him a wink and replied, “Oh, you’ll still have to kiss me and fuck me plenty. Just not to get me to agree that we’re in a relationship.”
His hands roamed under the blanket, the pads of his fingers finding my ribs and digging in to tickle me. I jerked against him, begging him to stop as tears of laughter started spilling from my eyes.
I collapsed against him, out of breath and still giggling when he finally stopped and curled me back into his warm body. “So why the change of heart?”
“Well, first, how upset would Ivy be if she found out I dumped her best friend in the whole world?”
“Valid point,” he said, humor dripping from his words. “She’d take it hard. We’re basically each other’s favorite people.”
Man, that was nice to hear.
I stopped teasing and shrugged, trying to play it cool as I gave him the real answer. “I like you,” I answered simply. “And I’m discovering there’s a whole lot to like. But mostly, it’s because I like being with you. I like how you make me feel and who I am when I’m with you. And that’s important to me; I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”
His words were laced with concern and genuine curiosity as he asked, “You didn’t like yourself when you were with him?”
I inhaled deeply. “It was more like I didn’t actually know myself when I was with him. I became someone else when we were together. It started off so small that I barely noticed it was happening. He’d make a comment about my hair or an outfit I was wearing, and I wouldn’t think anything of changing it. Before I knew it, I was a completely different woman. Everything I did or said centered around making him happy, but I’d packaged it so I could convince myself and everyone else it wasn’t just for him, it was for us, for our life and our family.
“I lost who I was, but then I had Ivy, and I started to gain some of the old Hayden back. That woman who’d been fierce and opinionated. I think motherhood does that to a woman. In order to protect my daughter, I needed a bit of that old fire, and Alex didn’t like that. Our life no longer centered around him. I didn’t do what he wanted at the drop of a hat, without question, so we started to fight more and more. I thought it was a hurdle, and that we’d eventually get past it.” I let out a sigh and shrugged against his chest. “I was wrong.”
His arm tightened around me as he grunted, “Fuckin’ idiot.”
Lifting my head off his shoulder, I looked up at him with my brows drawn down. “Huh?”
“Him, Red. He’s a fuckin’ idiot. That fierceness you mentioned . . . Christ, it’s one of the sexiest things about you, baby.” One corner of his mouth hooked up as he added, “Even when you’re bein’ a stubborn pain in my ass. That first night we met, I liked that you spoke your mind. And after, I liked that you didn’t take any of my shit when we fought, that you threw attitude, giving back as good as you got. All of that’s what drew me to you in the first place, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”
Warmth hit my chest again, spidering out until it entered my bloodstream and coursed through my body. “Really?”
“Absolutely. Any man worth a shit is gonna want a woman who sticks up for herself and knows her own mind.” He leaned in closer, brushing the tip of his nose against mine as he lowered his voice. “And any man worth a shit knows, he gets his hands on fire like that, you don’t let it go. You make it grow until it burns wild and out of control, scorching everything in its path.”
I released a shaky breath, my eyes darting down to Micah’s lips, desperate to taste them. “That sounds dangerous.”
“Only way to live. You soak what you can out of life and burn wild, baby. Anything less is only half a life, and what’s the point of that?”
Pressing harder against him, I lifted my face just a bit closer, whispering, “So you’re gonna hold on and let me burn?”
“Not a chance, Red,” he said emphatically. “I intend to get caught in your flames.”
Then he kissed me, igniting a fire deep in my belly I wasn’t sure would ever go out.
Chapter Twenty
Hayden
My stomach sank as soon as I spotted that red Mercedes turning onto our street.
“There he is! Look, Mommy!”
“I see, love bug.” I smiled, careful not to show how sad I was that my girl was going to be gone for another weekend. I was looking forward to some quality time with Micah over the next couple of days, but what I’d told Sylvia a couple weeks back still rang true. Handing Ivy off for a weekend wasn’t ever going to get easier.