Tears formed, and if her throat got any tighter it’d collapse completely. It was an oddly worded plea, that was for sure. As misguided as Gavin’s teammates were about his feelings for her, and how they skewed more romantic than friendship, the fact that he’d gone to so much trouble for their friendship thawed the thick wall of ice around her heart.
“My turn,” Gavin said, and the camera swung wildly again.
Then Jason whispered, “But if he’s ever an asshole again, just know you can always call m—”
Round and round the room spun, and then Gavin’s face appeared onscreen once again. “As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I don’t see the truth, no matter how many people point it out, and even when it’s right in front of me.” He cleared his throat, and oh shit, the dam holding back her tears was about to crack. Once that happened, a whole gush of emotions would follow. “As messy as Jason’s speech was—”
Julie assumed the dirty look he fired offscreen was aimed at Holt.
“He wasn’t wrong. I’m yours, Jules. In whatever way you’ll have me. Whether you decide that friendship is the way to go, or whether you want more.”
Do you want more? She wanted to scream at the screen, in spite of this being a past recording and therefore he wouldn’t be able to hear her. While she knew he cared about her, now she wondered if he was mistaking his affection for her as more because he thought that’s what she wanted.
Which, okay, was true. But she didn’t want him to agree to a relationship just to keep her in his life, not to mention there were still complications to work through, and maybe he’d been right. Perhaps the timing wasn’t right, and they’d ruin things now, when, if they’d taken their time, they might have had a better chance at success.
“I hope it’s more,” he said, and her entire body stilled, afraid moving would break the spell or block out his words. “I love you, Jules. I think that’s why I freaked out—it wasn’t in the plan, and I’ve worked so hard on this plan and my career that I was afraid to admit, even to myself, that I loved you.”
Gavin glanced down, and she could tell he’d gotten a lot of sun this past week by how the top of his curls were slightly lighter than they’d been two weeks ago. Then those whiskey-brown eyes lifted and snagged hold of her.
Could you drown without water? For once in her life, regardless of whether or not science claimed otherwise, she felt sure it was possible. Her lungs strained, and she couldn’t catch her breath, and his face caused her so much joy and pain that her internal organs rioted against themselves.
“It goes beyond that, though,” Gavin said. “That’s why I enlisted the help of the guys and made this video begging you to fly out here for the game. Please give me a chance to make things right. I…” His voice cracked, and a muscle in his jaw flexed as he fought his emotions. Despite clenching her jaw, her emotions erupted in the form of salt water. “If you’d asked me if soul mates existed a month ago, I would’ve said no. But that was before half of my soul was ripped away.”
That empty, Gavin-shaped hole inside of her lurched, as if it recognized what it was missing and desperately needed it back.
“And I know I did it to myself. It never should’ve taken me this long to realize that I’m in love with you, but I am, and it’s all I can think about. And if you’re not ready for that, I get it. But please, Jules. I need you here. I can’t stand the thought of making it through this game without you.”
He kissed his fingertips and then tapped them to the center of the iPad.
Then the screen went blank, and Julie continued to stare. Waiting for what, she wasn’t sure. Did he truly love her? As in the forever-after way that meant their love was strong enough to withstand the many obstacles they’d have to overcome to be together?
“The plane is fueled up and ready to go,” Charlotte said, reminding Julie she was there beside her. She hadn’t exactly forgotten but had become so lost in her thoughts she’d pushed it to the background. “What do you say?”
Chapter Thirty-One
“She’s gonna show,” Holt said, but Gavin continued pacing the cement floor of the locker room, unconvinced. He’d laid it all out there. Just sent that terrifying admission of how much he loved her without being able to see Julie’s reaction.
Now he better understood how hurt she must’ve been when he’d dismissed everything she’d told him she was feeling because he’d been a selfish coward instead of truly listening.
Currently, he’d give up whatever it took. But what did that matter if Julie wasn’t here and he had to go out on that field and play, his head and heart heavy with the knowledge that he and Jules might not be okay ever again?
Gavin glanced at Coach Bryant, and his gut sank as Coach shook his head, indicating he hadn’t heard from Charlotte yet. Gavin had asked enough times that he didn’t even have to mouth the words anymore.
Coach crossed the locker room and clapped him on the back. “Now I’m starting to worry I made a mistake. I need you focused, and I know it’s not going to be easy, but this doesn’t mean you and Julie won’t work things out down the road.”
Gavin bobbed his head. Did his best to react the way his coach and teammates wanted.
For some reason, his mind decided now would be the perfect time to replay the conversation he’d had with Julie on the first night he’d arrived in Crystal Springs. When he’d confessed he was afraid his shoulder wouldn’t heal in time.
Her reply had been automatic and confident. I have no doubt that when playoffs come, you’ll be out there on the field with the rest of the team, blowing everyone away. The crowd, everyone involved with the Mustangs, all the doubters and haters, and most importantly me.
That last part was her idea of a joke, and yet she’d been right. Millions of people would tune in to watch the Mustangs grind it out for a spot in the playoffs. About a hundred thousand people filled the stadium, and yet, all he could fixate on was the one person he wanted.
Needed.
The door to the locker room opened, and Charlotte strode inside, her heels clacking a steady beat. Her eyes met Lance’s, and how the hell was she able to smile so easily right now? Julie wasn’t with her, which meant…she wasn’t coming.
He’d lost her.
The knowledge slammed into him, robbing him of breath, and he braced his forearms on his knees, sure he was about to lose his lunch. He’d take a couple of minutes to recover as much as he could, and then he’d go and play his heart out, because his team deserved this win.
All the buzzing conversations taking place picked up in volume and intensity, and then a hush fell over the room. One last exhale, and Gavin forced himself to straighten.