Lani’s tummy flipped over, but she managed to keep her voice even. “Sometimes, sure. We talk about anything and everything. Guilt, fault, anger, all of it.”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Whatever you’re feeling,” she said quietly, “I guarantee someone in that group has felt that way, too. It’s a safe space. A welcoming space. And it’s freed me in a way I never thought possible.”
He didn’t reply, so—the seed having been planted—she grabbed up a Twizzler and took a huge bite. “God, I haven’t had one of these in forever.” Then she grimaced. “Bleah. Now I remember why.”
“Says the girl who likes Milk Duds.”
“What?” Lani glared at him in pretend outrage. “What’s wrong with Milk Duds?”
“Oh, I don’t know. They rip your fillings out?”
She opened her mouth to counter, then snapped it shut.
“Uh-huh,” Geo said. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Hmph. It was a loose tooth, okay? Not a filling.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s your favorite candy?”
He shrugged. “All of them. Well, except for Milk Duds. Obviously.”
“Good. More for me.” After elbowing him lightly in the ribs, she leaned forward to pick up her water from the coffee table. As she did, she lifted her hair away from her neck, sighing in relief at the cool air on her sweaty skin.
God, I don’t know how you do this day in and day out, Maura. You’re a fucking rock star.
“Hey, what’s this?” Geo asked. “You have a tattoo here?” Gentle fingertips brushed over her nape. “What is it? I mean, I can see it’s a cardinal, but...”
His calloused thumb traced the small tattoo, over and over. The slight rasp tightened her nipples, made her shiver. Goose bumps springing up everywhere, Lani swallowed her gulp of water. “I got it, what,” she said huskily, “maybe three years ago now?”
Suddenly restless, needing to move, she pushed to her feet and headed for the kitchen. After a moment, Geo followed, propping his hips against the counter as she started to put away the neglected groceries. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His voice was hushed. “I’m sorry.”
She snapped her head around to look at him. “Oh, Geo, don’t be sorry. It’s not a bad memory, at all. It’s just—”
“An ambush moment?”
Her chest tightened. “It used to be.” Putting down the box of pasta she was holding, Lani crossed to him and mirrored his pose. “Tyler was a huge St. Louis Cardinals fan. Like, huge. During baseball season it was all he could talk about. For a long time after his death, I couldn’t handle seeing or hearing anything about them, which sucked, because I loved them, too.”
She tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.
“One night, some dude came into the bar. Kind of like you, he was toasting a friend who’d passed away, and I remember asking him about this really elaborate tattoo on his forearm. It was a Stormtrooper helmet, and he said he’d gotten it because his friend loved Star Wars. So that got me thinking.”
“A cardinal for Tyler.”
“Yes. Because he loved the Cardinals, and because whenever I picture him now, it’s always as a bird flying free, at peace.” She shrugged. “It seemed fitting.”
“But why here?” Geo touched the nape of his own neck. “You can’t even see it. Why...?”
“I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.” She smiled. “Kind of like Tyler being at peace. It’s not something I can see, but I need to believe it exists, for my own sake.”
Geo went still. “I’ve struggled with that, too. Is Cade at peace now? Is that how it works?”
Lani’s heart ached at the thread of anguish running through his words. “A suicide-attempt survivor came to talk to our group a few weeks ago. He told us that when he finally made his plan, it was the first time in a long time he’d felt relief, that knowing there would soon be an end to his pain was a strange sort of peace all on its own.” She swallowed hard. “So yes, I believe that’s how it works.”
Geo closed his eyes, and with a pat to his shoulder, she went back to the groceries. As she stood on tiptoe to put the box of pasta high on the shelf, she heard his footsteps behind her.
“You have no idea how much you’ve helped me tonight. Thank you.”
“I’m glad.”
“You’re amazing,” he went on softly. “Wise, compassionate, patient...” A pause. “Not to mention so beautiful it hurts.”
She let out a hoarse chuckle, a pleasurable tingle going through her. “Well, as to the first part, I have a great therapist. The second? All a matter of opinion.”
“Hmm. It’s definitely my opinion that you’re beautiful.” Geo rested his hands lightly on her hips. “And sweet. Oh, and sexy. Should I go on?”
The tingle turned into a blaze of heat that pooled low in her belly. “Umm, sexy?” she quavered. “Nah.”
“Mm-hmm.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips over her bare shoulder. “Sexy. As. Hell.”
Lani’s knees turned to jelly as he placed tiny, open-mouthed kisses along her shoulder and up into the curve of her neck. Helplessly, she tilted her head to the side, and Geo let out a low growl, biting down lightly on the tendon there, his tongue soothing the tiny sting. His breath was ragged in her ear, the hard ridge pressing into her hip unmistakable.
Her heartbeat immediately kicked into overdrive, her blood racing hot through her veins. It’d been so long since she’d made love to a man she cared about, and one who cared about her in return. The overwhelming desire to be held by him, to feel him against her—inside her—swept over her in a dizzying wave.
All she’d have to do was turn around and take him in her arms.
“Lani?” he whispered hoarsely in her ear. “Do you want me to stop?”
Did she? She’d be going into this with no illusions, no stars in her eyes. Geo wasn’t right for her, and he’d made it crystal clear that getting back to his unit was his only goal.
As for her, she could handle her burgeoning feelings. She’d have to, because life with a SEAL wasn’t in the cards for her and never would be. But he was here now, and he wanted her, and Lord knew she wanted him with every fiber of her being.
So Lani drew in a deep breath...
And turned.
Chapter Seventeen