She drove them home, and once inside her apartment, they stood facing each other in the darkened living room. At last Geo reached out to run the backs of his fingers down her cheek, his swollen, red-rimmed eyes meeting hers. “Lani, I...”
When the words seemed to fail him, she moved closer. “Let’s go to bed.”
Letting out a hoarse groan, he swung her up in his arms. He carried her to the bedroom and set her gently on her feet, then stood quietly as she eased his T-shirt up and over his head.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered when she undid his jeans. “I’m all dirty and sweaty...”
“Shh.” She ran her palms over his chest and shoulders. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me?”
His lips started to tremble.
“So beautiful,” she breathed, brushing her fingertips oh, so gently over the stark white gauze on his biceps. “Inside and out.”
He made a choked sound. “Will you—will you just—”
Without a word, she drew him down to the bed and pulled him into her arms, his body starting to shake as the storm swept over him once again.
She held him tight through it all, her fingers combing through his hair, her own tears dripping from her chin. When at last he fell asleep, his head heavy on her shoulder, she whispered, “I love you.”
Tonight, it didn’t matter that he was a SEAL and she a mom-to-be. Tonight, all that mattered was that she loved him, and because he loved her, too, he was finally letting her in, finally letting her witness his vulnerability and pain.
It was a gift of trust she’d cherish to the end of her days.
* * *
We’ll be back in town next Friday.
Geo barely had time to register the first text from Alex when the next one popped up.
Got a great report from your therapist! A thumbs-up emoji, and then, Looking forward to having you back with us, G.
Several weeks ago, those words from his master chief would’ve had him dancing in the streets. Now, they sat like a lump in the pit of his stomach.
He crammed his bite suit into its bag, then headed for the locker room shower to scrub off the sweat that crusted him from head to toe. It’d been a long, exhilarating afternoon playing decoy with the San Diego County Sheriff Department’s K9 unit. He’d gotten to hide in buildings, in cars, conceal himself in bushes, even once behind an air-conditioning vent. It was such a rush each time the dog found and dragged him out, although that meant ending the day covered in scratches and bruises.
Yep, he’d gotten a lot of teeth hugs from some badass hair missiles.
As he soaped up, Geo canted his arm to gaze at his tattoo, now mostly healed, the scabbing having finally flaked off, the oozing dried up. It calmed him to look at it, especially during those difficult, emotional sessions with Maura.
“Why did you get that tattoo?” she’d asked.
Geo had stared at her and fought not to fidget on the couch. “Well, it’s tradition. Most SEALs get a bone frog to memorialize fallen brothers.”
“I know. But why did you get it?”
Unable to sit still anymore, Geo surged to his feet and paced around her office. “I wanted one, okay?”
“Why?”
He gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to shout that he just did, so fucking move on already. Instead, he’d let the memories of that night flow through him—Cade’s family, his tree, crying in Lani’s arms...
He’d taken a deep breath. “Because I’m trying to forgive myself, and I don’t ever want to forget. That’s the deal. If I’m going to carry this with me, it’s gonna be out in the open, visible. No more hiding.”
“Yes. Forgiveness is a process, a lifelong process. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re starting from square one all over again.”
It was true. He’d already experienced that a lot, when anger at Cade would well up out of nowhere, along with his own self-loathing that was like acid burning him from the inside out. Some days it felt like all he was doing was forgiving, and it took every bit of his strength.
Geo had said as much to Maura, finishing with, “I’m processing it so much better, though. I’m not drinking, no fights.”
“Well, that’s certainly progress. I hope you’re giving yourself credit for that, even on those difficult days.”
“I am.” He’d looked down at his hands, then back at her. “I know Lani’s disappointed about the grief group. I just—”
Maura smiled. “Not everyone is wired to share in a group setting, Geo. I know she understands.”
He knew she did. By her own admission, her disappointment had been fleeting.
“It was my fantasy about us sharing together in the group,” she’d said when he haltingly told her he wouldn’t be going back. “A fantasy that I’ve been trying to impose on you. This is your journey, not mine.”
Thoughts of Lani made Geo rush through the rest of his shower. They were meeting at Ari’s game tonight, the last one of a hard-fought season. She would be making cupcakes for the team, and he’d volunteered to stop off and grab some pizzas.
As he jogged to his truck and tossed his duffel in the bed, he couldn’t help but snort. Here he was, looking forward to spending his evening eating cupcakes with a bunch of ten-year-olds. Not that long ago, if anyone had suggested he’d enjoy that, he would’ve laughed and promptly dumped a beer on their head.
What had changed?
The sudden buzzing of his phone made him smile, and he swung up into the truck before opening Lani’s text.
Cupcakes done. Whaddya think?
Instead of the cupcake itself, the attached pic was a selfie. In it, she had chocolate frosting all over the tip of her nose and lips, obviously from sampling her handiwork.
A pleasant tingle went through him. Mmm. I think I have a sudden hankering to lick the spoon. And by spoon, I mean you.
She sent back a string of laughing emojis, saying, Good thing I saved us a bowl of frosting to, uh, eat later.
The tingle turned into a blaze of arousal, and Geo reached between his legs to palm himself soothingly. “Jesus. Down, boy.”
To Lani he said, You’re killing me, beautiful. Can’t wait.
As he drove, his happiness couldn’t help but dim a bit. At some point he’d have to tell her about Alex’s text, which would burst the idyllic little bubble they’d been living in these past two months, the one in which he came home every night and woke up next to her every morning.
He didn’t want it to end.