Ridley breathed out heavily. “I know. Anyway, as you say, that’s if we even go through with this. I’m not sure it’ll ever actually happen. Sometimes part of me thinks …” she paused, feeling guilty at the idea of voicing her thoughts out loud. “Maybe Tanika’s right. Maybe this is enough, the way we live now. We’re safe. We have each other. I have my dad. But then I think,” she rushed on before Archer could say anything, “of all the people who aren’t free. The people who are living in hiding the way I did for years, constantly fearful that someone might find out what they can do. And I remember how I always wanted to end up at The Rosman Foundation after graduation, so I could help people who lost everything after the Cataclysm, like Dad and I did. And if I stay here and do nothing, then I’m helping no one. Even though sometimes all I want is to just do nothing and be safe and enjoy not having to hide who I am. And I know that makes me a terrible person, and most of the time I do want to get out there and change the world. It’s just that sometimes the idea seems so big, so impossible.” She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
After a pause, Archer asked, “Are you done?”
She thought about it, then said, “Yes. Sorry. Just emptying my brain of all its horrible thoughts.”
“It’s not horrible to think that life would be easier if we simply stayed here and ignored the rest of the world. That’s the truth. It would be easier. You’re not a terrible person for recognizing that, or for wanting it sometimes.”
“So … sometimes you want that too?”
“Yes.” Archer kissed her cheek. “Sometimes I very, very much want to forget everything that’s happened in the past and everything that’s still happening and instead lie under the stars with you forever.”
Forever … Ridley almost commented on his use of the word, but that would take the conversation in a direction neither of them was probably ready for. “Anyway, I was also thinking—”
“So you haven’t emptied your brain of all its thoughts yet?” he teased.
“Apparently not.” She bit her lip, then said, “If it looks like things aren’t going to change any time soon, then … then I want to return to the city so I can talk to Meera. Not for long. Just to let her know I’m okay and to explain things to her. I mean, first Shen disappeared, and then me. Both of her best friends, just gone. Zero explanation. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life wondering about us.”
“Okaaay,” Archer said, drawing the word out slowly. “Your father would probably have heart failure if he knew you were planning this.”
“I know, but I’d be careful. I’d go over the wall as air and stay in that form until I get to Meera’s place. Then once I’m inside her home, the scanner drones won’t be able to pick up that I don’t have amulets. Her apartment block is big. I’ll just be one more warm body inside a building full of warm bodies.” When Ridley had lived in Lumina City, she’d worn her AI1 and AI2 on a chain around her neck. She also had illegal backup copies on an ankle bracelet. The drones flying overhead had never known the tiny pieces of metal weren’t embedded beneath her skin the way they were for everyone else. But just like Dad, she’d had to get rid of them when they were escaping Lumina City, in case the drones were able to track them.
“That would probably work,” Archer said. “But why not just try to get a message to her instead of actually going into the city?”
“I … could do that,” Ridley said hesitantly. “But there’s just so much to say, you know? It would be better if I could talk to her. Tell her the truth about everything. Well, about me, at least. I won’t give away other people’s secrets if they’re not mine to share. But I don’t want to have to make up more lies to explain why I had to leave the city and why I won’t be safe there ever again. I’ve told her enough lies already, and I just … I don’t want them sitting between us forever.”
“I know. I understand.” They had reached Archer’s cabin by now. Stopping at the foot of the stairs, Ridley detached herself from Archer’s side and faced him. She laced her fingers between his. She was about to rise up on her toes to kiss him when he said, “Ridley …” He trailed off, whatever he’d been about to say hanging invisibly in the air between them.
An odd sense of foreboding crept into the far reaches of Ridley’s mind. “Yes?”
Archer’s dark eyes searched her face as she tried to decipher his expression, but before she could figure it out, he smiled. It was strained at first, but then warmth reached his eyes and his lips found hers. He kissed her. A rush of butterfly wings filled her insides, and she almost forgot the hint of dread that had brushed against her thoughts. Almost.
“Sleep tight,” he whispered against her lips.
“That’s not what you were going to say,” she replied, her eyes still closed.
“No. It wasn’t.”
“So what were you going to say?”
When he didn’t answer immediately, she lifted her gaze and met his eyes. He asked, “Do you know how much I care about you?”
Ridley’s skin heated and her stomach flipped over. Somehow, she knew that wasn’t what he’d been about to say either. Her heart squeezed as it occurred to her that he might have been about to say more. Was it possible … was he trying to tell her … did Archer Davenport think he loved her? Was he too afraid to get the words out?
She swallowed and answered, “Far more than you ever expected to feel about me?”
This time, when he smiled, it was genuine from the start. “That’s a good way of putting it.”
She shrugged and admitted, “That’s how I feel.”
He kissed her again, then rested his brow against hers. “I was thinking … I can do more to help out than just a video recording. More than conjurations to protect people from falling arxium or whatever other damage we cause to the city.”
Ridley’s brain took a moment to switch gears. She was pretty sure this was also not what Archer had been going to say. “Um, okay.” She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “What do you mean exactly?”
“I’m a Davenport. I have connections. I know the mayor. Maybe I can get more information out of him, like who else is in the Shadow Society. Without resorting to torture, the way Nathan might do it.”
“Would he actually tell you anything? You said you tried to get Lawrence to tell you things—to invite you to meetings—and he wouldn’t.”
“I …” Archer scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Maybe. I don’t know.” He looked out at the night and sighed. “It’s late. Can we talk tomorrow?”
“Sure, of course.” But when Ridley took a moment to think about it, she realized it wasn’t that late. They stayed up much later most nights when they lay beneath the stars, talking and … not talking. Still, she was tired from all her magic-use while training with Saoirse, and Archer was clearly in need of sleep too.
They said goodnight, and Ridley returned to her cabin. She climbed the porch steps with unusual slowness, exhaustion weighing her down. A chilly breeze brushed wisps of hair across her face, and she wrapped her arms around herself as she reached the front door. The air gusted, curling around her, and a sense of unease unfurled in her chest. She stopped, a frown pulling at her brow. She tried to reach out to the magic around her. Was it telling her something? She was about to shift form to better understand the magic when a loud voice nearby startled her.