Some lines weren’t meant to be crossed. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Lila’s fingers inside of me would be really hard to mentally shake off as easily as her mouth on mine or her tongue teasing my nipples.
Or was it too late?
I wasn’t familiar with all the acts that two people (no matter their sexual preference) considered sex. For two women, was breast and nipple play considered sex?
Kissing?
Genital rubbing?
Masturbation?
Seriously … I had no clue because I never had any reason to study that topic and consider the possibilities. Until … I found myself on a bed in a Vancouver suite with Lila’s tongue doing things to my nipples—things that awakened possibilities. Would letting it go further make me feel more free, liberated?
I decided a trip to Mardi Gras to show off my tatas for some beads might be a better choice to liberate myself without risking my closest friendship. I mean … what if Lila would have found me to be a better lover than Graham? What would that have meant for their impending marriage?
And Ronin … what about him—all six and a half feet of my sexy new acquaintance?
Just like that … I made my decision. I had to escape before my BFF gave me an orgasm … which she was on her way to doing.
Really. Well done, Lila.
I rolled out of bed like a five-alarm fire and shoved down my nightshirt, turning toward the bed to give my two insane friends a very serious speech on ethics and the importance of not risking our friendship for sexual pleasure.
Too late.
Graham had his tongue down Lila’s throat as they ripped off each other’s clothes.
I chuckled, running my hands through my hair. “I’ll give you two a few minutes. I mean … it’s my bed. But whatever.”
They ignored me, so I shuffled my feet to the door—the unneeded third wheel rolling into the ditch. After shutting the door, my back thumped against it, and I melted to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest.
“Harder, Graham!”
Biting my lips together, I cringed. How did I become their sex toy for the night? Their foreplay. And what would be said in the morning?
Over the next five or so minutes, I listened to my friends have sex—loud sex. For two full seconds—only two—I wondered if I’d made a mistake. I liked taking chances and rebelling in small ways. I liked giving the middle finger to rules when they didn’t suit me. Why did I pass up an opportunity to be spontaneous … a little taboo with my friends?
Ronin Alexander. That’s why.
On the miraculous chance that I would see him again and we would get married and have beautiful babies, I didn’t want a threesome tainting the memories of the day we met. I realized the moment that thought tiptoed through my mind, I was completely dismissing all other reasons like … friendship and the fact that Lila and Graham were engaged.
As the door behind me opened, I sprang to my feet.
Graham buttoned his top, wearing a truly awful grin like the wolf that just ate every sheep in the pasture. “She’s all yours again.” He winked, brushing past me to the door of his suite.
My evil gaze followed him. If only I could have burned him to the ground with it, I would have. He orchestrated all of that. Manipulated her. Manipulated me through her. At first, I thought he would be a terrible governor, but his sexual indiscretions seemed in line with the indulgent, corrupt life of a politician.
I eased the door shut behind me and tiptoed toward the bed, hoping to find Lila passed out so I wouldn’t have to deal with things until morning.
No such luck.
She sat up in the middle of the bed and pulled her pajama top on. Then she shimmied back into her panties and bottoms.
“Are you mad?” she mumbled with her back to me, hair a fucked-up mess. Graham did a number on her. Her voice held a lot more sobriety to it than it had ten minutes earlier.
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” I slid into bed, pulled the covers up to my neck, and stared at the ceiling.
“Then why did you let it happen?” she whispered.
Good question.
“I don’t know. It felt forbidden.”
She turned her head toward me, but I kept looking at the ceiling. “Are you tempted by the forbidden?”
“Isn’t everyone to some degree?”
“I’m not a lesbian.”
I laughed. “Good to know.”
“It was more for Graham. He’s been pressuring me for quite some time to try something new.”
“Then get a different hairstyle, but don’t invite other people into your bed. That’s asking for trouble.”
“Then why didn’t you stop it sooner?”
Sitting up, I angled my body toward Lila, barely able to see her in the dark. I flipped on the light by the bed. We flinched at the brightness. “Listen, had it been anyone else, that could have gone terribly wrong for you, Lila. Seriously, how far were you willing to go? Were you going to let him put his mouth on my breasts? Were you going to let him have sex with me? Is that what does it for you? The man you love taking pleasure in another woman? It’s all fun and games under the heavy influence of alcohol and whatever sleep shit you’re taking.” I internally cringed, remembering that she didn’t take anything that night. We were all quite sober. “But…” I continued “…things get pretty real when a threesome turns into you watching Graham fuck another woman. Wouldn’t you agree?”
My anger pointed at myself as much as her. But I wasn’t engaged. I didn’t have as much to lose as Lila did. As I started to lecture her, more concern and regret built in my conscience. We were stupid. Really stupid.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked away and blotted the corners before a single one could creep out. “It’s funny …” She shook her head on a painful laugh. “I wanted nothing to do with him, but then you begged me to give him a chance. And the big jerk made me fall so hard for him that I hate to think how it would break me if he decided he didn’t want me.”
I reached for her hand, sandwiching it between mine. “Gauge your love for him by his love for you.”
“That sounds selfish. Like I love myself more.”
A smile stole my mouth, and I think she got my point before I said it, but I said it anyway. “Love yourself more.”
After a few silent moments, Lila returned a sad smile. “Will you ever forgive me for molesting you?”
Barking out a laugh, I shut off the lights. We scooted under the covers, facing each other. “Your tongue ring though …” I sighed.
“You liked it?”
I grinned, but she couldn’t see me. “Goodnight, Lila.”
I fell asleep next to my best friend like we’d done a million times over our twenty-nine-year friendship. If I was honest, the idea of something going wrong between Lila and Graham scared me to death. I would choose her; everyone knew that. However, Graham helped save my dad. He saved my family. Losing him would have felt like its own death.
CHAPTER THREE
Two weeks later …
I left my worries over Graham and Lila in Canada—even the weird threesome thing. Really, Lila was a grown woman. If he became the next governor and she willingly quit her job to support him, that was her choice. If she chose to invite other people into their bed, again … her choice. I just knew it would never be me again.