Maybe I thought of love as a storybook because it seemed unreal. Something I never had. Something I couldn’t grasp because I’d trip before reaching the door.
And the love I saw as a child was destroyed by a toxic divorce. One that ripped through my family like shrapnel. Sometimes I still feel the ache inside me, metal lodged underneath my skin.
Storybook love.
Now that I’m older, I know it’s just another word for soul mate. What the lucky few will find in their lifetime.
At least my brother found his.
I look up at the star-blanketed sky. Wondering if I should ask a higher being or my other brother if I’m meant for more.
My other brother.
I almost roll my eyes at myself. Love and hate tumbles through me in a nauseous mixture. Skylar is a sore subject, even in my fucking head.
“You okay, Banks?” Akara asks as we come up.
I must look how I feel. Christ, his concern puts a pit in my gut. For more than one reason. If I even mentioned the name Skylar, Akara wouldn’t know who the hell I’m talking about.
No one except Jane would.
The death of my older brother is long-forgotten. So buried that it never even leaked online when Thatcher got more famous.
Memories might fade, but his memory is still there. Wreaking havoc on me.
I love that Jane knows about him because I never had to vocalize the story. Never had to drudge up the history. Thatcher did all the work, and I reaped all the benefits.
Having someone else know is a weight off my chest. Some days it’s even a comfort.
Right now—staring at Akara—the second pit in my stomach is heavier.
I kissed Sulli.
“Yeah, I’m alright.” I cross my arms, scanning the parking lot.
I kissed Sulli. Fuck, I want to tell him.
Meeting this impact now and not later sounds way fucking better.
I kissed Sulli.
I uncross my arms. “You about ready?” I motion with my head to the motel room.
Akara nods, clasps Oscar’s hand in a goodbye.
“Wait, before you go,” Maximoff says to us. “We have a ton of extra food you should take for the car ride. We overbought.”
“Moffy overbought,” Jane corrects, approaching with Thatcher by her side.
“Overprepared,” Farrow chimes in, then explains to Akara. “We have about two hundred cups of applesauce. Ripley won’t finish all of it, and we need to make room.”
“We’ll take it,” Akara says. “Saves us from stopping constantly. We’ll make better time on the road.”
In the next few minutes, they wrap up to leave. Maximoff hands me a heavy grocery bag of applesauce cups and snack-sized packs of Teddy Grahams.
I hug my twin brother. “See you on the other side.”
Thatcher hugs tighter. “Stay on comms.”
“Is that my brother speaking or my lead?”
“Both.”
“Right on, right on,” I smile. It’s okay, Thatcher. I speak the words through my gaze. He’ll understand. He always does.
Thatcher nods stiffly.
I’ll be okay.
I have to believe I’m headed towards something good and beautiful. I’m headed towards her, aren’t I?
Soon, their cars are kicking up dirt and gravel. Leaving me alone with Akara. It’d be easier to tell him about the kiss right now. Not have a second where I’m keeping anything from him. But I understand why Sulli needs to do it, too. It’s the same reason I have to. We care too much about Akara. Simple as that.
We’re headed back to her now. So the truth will be out there sooner rather than later.
Trekking through the parking lot, I ask Akara, “How’d Jane, Maximoff, and Charlie come into the motel room earlier? They didn’t have a key.”
His mind seems to be somewhere else. And for the umpteenth fucking time, I wish I were in Akara Kitsuwon’s head.
13
AKARA KITSUWON
“I gave them my key,” I answer Banks, a little distantly. “They wanted to surprise Sulli.”
He shifts the grocery bag of Ripley’s extra applesauce and Teddy Grahams to his other hand. “They surprised me,” Banks says. “I nearly shit myself.” His tone is light-hearted.
I want to smile, but as we walk back to our motel room, I can’t stop picturing Sulli.
Naked Sulli.
I tilt my head, eyes drifting. Spacing out. Bodyguard 101—do not drift. I’ve ripped into my men for doing what I’m doing. That glazed “where’d you go” feeling is all so…unfamiliar.
But so is seeing Sulli without panties. Or a bra.
I thought I’d want to toss clothes at her. Tell her to cover up like I’m some prude. Like I’m her brother. But I’m not.
I’m not her brother.
The fact has never been more firmly set in my brain. Like concrete, it solidified tonight.
Flinging clothes at Sulli didn’t even register. Maybe I was in shock. Yeah. I was definitely slack-jawed, stumbled-back shocked that she’d drop her towel in front of us. But I kept my composure. Inwardly, I felt more like a Looney Tunes character—where my heart ejected from my body, pumped five-times bigger, then went back inside.
While we walk to the motel, I’m still dazed. “How is she?” I ask Banks, then quickly remember the scorpion, how I left Sulli too quickly. “Shit, I hate that I had to run out on her like that.” I wipe a hand down my face. “It was right after I saw her naked too. She probably thinks I find her grotesque.” I groan and expel a cringing, nauseous breath.
And I’m expecting Banks to ask, You like what you saw? But he’s pretty quiet. I wouldn’t categorize him as a chatterbox, but whenever I bring up Sulli, he’s never silent.
Maybe what he said in the motel room is coming to fruition. He’s trying not to sway my feelings for Sulli one way or the other. But Banks yelling at me earlier has already chiseled me open. It’d be nice to have his advice, but he’s not my moral conscience.
He’s just my friend.
“You okay?” I ask him, making sure I’m not assuming too much. He had this same odd look when we were around the other guys and Jane.
Banks nods. “Sulli is alright too. Farrow checked her out.”
“I saw.” We stop on the stoop to the motel room. Bugs chirp in the night. I dig in my pocket for the key. He’s not avoiding my eyes. So there’s that. “How are we not talking about this?” I ask, dropping my voice. “When she was with the Rooster, we never hesitated to talk shit about him or discuss Sulli—and now she got naked in front of us and we’re acting like it’s nothing?”
He scans behind us. “You didn’t want to talk about the funhouse.”
“Just with her,” I retort in a cringe. “Which was stupid. I was scared.” Scared of change. But I’m more scared of losing her because…
Because you like her, Nine.
My chest knots, the key cold in my hand. I miss Banks flinging the topic of Sulli in my face, even if I end up telling him to shut the fuck up. I can’t lose Banks. I’m afraid of losing him too. “What was your first thought?” I ask him. “When you saw her naked?”
He wears a crooked smile. “Hell have mercy on my soul.”