“We should sleep in the Jeep tonight,” Akara tells me as I duct tape the hole.
“They’re not here.” I squat, ripping tape with my teeth. “I don’t want to run away from a stupid joke.” How much I want to stand my ground—I’m kind of surprising myself. Normally, I’d remove myself from situations that involve pranksters, but I’d rather stay and risk a confrontation.
Patting tape to the hole, I add, “And if they wanted to hurt me, Kits, they would have put rattlesnakes in the tent.”
Banks pipes in, “I don’t think they’re comin’ back for the night.” His South Philly lilt sounds thicker. “They seemed like fuckbags, but not idiots. Best guess: they’ll return when they know we’ll be hiking to the rock face.”
“And,” I say to Akara as I stand up, “your elbow shouldn’t be cramped up in Booger all night. You’ll break your sti—”
He covers my mouth with his hand. “And that was the last time you’re allowed to baby me over stitches.”
I smile underneath his palm, and then he drops his hand to flick my hair at my face. “Okay, string bean. We’ll sleep in the tent.” He looks to Banks. “But we take shifts.”
“I’m good with that,” Banks says.
But I don’t love that they’ll get half the amount of sleep as me. I don’t argue with them. Their job is to protect me. Hindering their ability to do their job, telling them what to do—yeah, I’m not going to do that. At least, I’m going to try not to.
Thankfully for them, I’m not that bossy.
Piling into the tent together, the three of us take our respective spots.
Me in the middle.
Banks on the left. Akara on the right.
All week, we’ve kept our hands and lips to ourselves. Stayed put in our own sleeping bags. But with Team Apex gone and the “tents only” campgrounds empty except us, privacy has returned.
My heartbeat thumps harder as I sit cross-legged on top of my sleeping bag and dig through my backpack. Akara scrolls through his phone, and Banks texts on his. We’re all quiet, but none of us make a move to sleep.
I actually don’t know what the fuck I’m looking for in my backpack. I’m just stalling. Wanting this night to last longer. Sleep sounds like an enemy.
Finding a pack of colorful string, I pull out the turquoise, blue-jean blue, and apple-red thread. Might as well make a friendship bracelet. While I knot the three strings together, I’m attuned to how close Akara and Banks are.
Silence eats at me, and I just break it. “So it was a one-time thing, huh?” I ask. Akara and Banks blink up from their cells, and I just keep going. “The night we hooked up—or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It’s not happening again. Not that I don’t want it to or want to force you both to do something you wouldn’t want.” Oh God, Sulli! Spit it out. “Yeah, I just wanted clarification. That’s fucking all.”
Akara sets his phone aside, the screen flashing to black. “Do you want it to happen again?”
“It’s not just about what I want,” I refute and glance between them. Banks keeps looking to Akara, but I can’t read their expressions. “And I’m really fucking concerned about hurting one of you in the end.”
Banks lifts a shoulder. “Hell, for one of us this time in Yellowstone is all we’re going to get with you. So I know I’m going to enjoy it while I can.”
He doesn’t appease my concerns about hurting one of them. Because we all know I will.
Letting go of the unfinished bracelet, I pull my legs to my chest and rest my chin on my kneecaps. “Theoretically, you two could just choose each other. Toss me off to the side, and then this ends a different fucking way. You know?”
They both start shaking their heads.
Akara rubs his knuckles. “I don’t even want to think about this trip ending. Going back to Philly sounds like a nightmare right now. I have responsibilities there that don’t burn my energy while I’m here.” He takes a sharp breath. “And once were back home, I’m not one-hundred on how often I can be on your detail, Sul. Not like I am here. So this time has been priceless to me.”
I knew for Akara to have it all, he couldn’t be with me 24/7. That’s the thing about juggling, you catch a lot of clubs, but at some point, every club is tossed in the air before you can hold it again. Creating Kitsuwon Securities added another club to his life.
It’s always hard hearing him confirm, out loud, that he has to take time away from being my bodyguard. I want him to have it all, but the selfish parts of me wish I could have him all too.
Banks bobs his head up and down. “This is probably the most time I’ve got with you, too. I’m not taking it for granted.”
Time with me.
I didn’t realize how precious they really thought it was. My heart swells. Lifting me up for an enduring second. While I pick at my knotted ankle bracelet, I try hard to contain a smile. “I feel the same,” I say softly. “Having time with both of you has been pretty fucking sweet.”
It’s special to be able to experience some firsts without the pressure of the media. Without worrying about stepping outside onto a street with paparazzi. Out here, I feel free and untamed. Able to be the most me I can be. And maybe I wouldn’t be so comfortable if it weren’t for Akara and Banks.
It’s what I always wanted.
Yearned for.
That kind of comfort from a guy that could ease me into experiencing new things. I just never thought I’d be this comfortable with two guys. And after the cougar attack, there’s nothing more I want than to return to that feeling that night.
The warmth.
The warmth.
It was nothing like I’d ever felt before. Feeling protected from the inside out.
“That clarify things for you?” Banks asks me.
“Sort of,” I breathe. “You both are enjoying spending time with me, like I am with you. But does that mean we should do more than kiss again?”
“I want to,” Banks says.
Akara quickly adds, “I do, too.”
“Even if we’re all in the same tent? Like last time?”
They exchange one look, like they’re asking each other silently if they’re cool with it, then they focus on me and nod. I couldn’t tell whether they have experience being intimate with multiple people at once before, but with that look, I’m guessing being together isn’t the norm.
So out loud, I ask, “Have you two been in the same room during a finger-fuck or some cock-in-pussy action before?”
Banks laughs, “No.”
“Except for last time with you,” Akara clarifies.
Interesting.
It eases me a little. My exploration doesn’t feel like a solo journey. We’re on this great, vast voyage together, and we all begin to smile because we’re seeing where it’ll take us.
Out here in the woods, there are no restrictions or boundaries or boxes we need to jump in.
We’re free to just be.
So I forget about back home and the final rose. It’s just right now in the present moment with them.
Akara sweeps me for a second. “We’re just waiting for you, Sul. We’re not going to push you or quicken your pace.”