“Hey, Sul,” my dad says. “You don’t have to fucking stay here. If you want to leave—”
“I can stay.” For Jane, I should stay.
He nods slowly, his intense eyes zoning in on me for a second. His strong worry is like the waves of an ocean, crashing against me in rough swells. “You’ve had a long fucking day. Are you alright?”
Pressure compacts on my chest. Usually now would be the moment I’d gush to them about how it’s my fault Banks missed the wedding. How I’m in a Bachelorette scenario and the final rose is coming up. And I’m going to hurt Akara or Banks. How I free-soloed one measly rock face the whole trip and it feels like it wasn’t enough.
I want to tell them I survived a cougar attack with two people I’m falling in love with.
But I can’t say any of it. It feels too raw. Like if I touch it, the words will explode in my heart and shatter me apart.
In the end, I just nod to my dad and say, “I’m alright.” I shrug. “I’m running off Lightning Bolt! energy drinks and adrenaline, so just waiting for the crash.”
My parents share a look I can’t decipher. Have I been gone so long that I can’t even read their looks anymore? Or am I changing so much that this is a new look I’ve never seen before?
I can’t think too long.
My mom flicks my nose playfully. “I have a theory.” We share a smile.
Her theories are my favorite.
And very softly, she tells me, “When you crash someplace where you feel safe, you’ll wake up happy in the morning.”
I take a big breath. “I think I agree with that one.” I wipe a smudge of dirt off my cheek. “At least tonight, it sounds good to wake up in my own fucking bed for a change.”
Everyone is supposed to be staying overnight at some five-star hotel near the venue. A car service is even shuttling guests to the hotel in case they’re too hammered to drive.
My dad tells me, “Nona saved you a piece of vegan coffee cake at one of the tables. It’s not like the real fucking thing, so just beware.”
I smile.
Jane is so thoughtful to include a separate little vegan cake for guests. It’s even the same coffee flavor as her big wedding cake. I could go back to eating dairy—but I love how going vegan has excited my sister so much.
After a couple more hugs, we part ways. I find my sister again just as Jane gets ready to throw the bouquet. Chatting for a bit, we catch up about more than just Yellowstone, and I try the vegan cake.
Not sweet enough for me, but my stomach appreciates any food at the moment. I scarf down every bite during the bouquet toss.
The bundle of pastel flowers flies in the air and lands right into Audrey’s hands. Not anywhere near me. It doesn’t mean anything, Sulli.
Yeah.
It’s definitely not a sign that Akara and Banks are going to choose each other.
Not a sign at all.
I hate being superstitious, but I fixate on Jane’s thunderstruck little sister. She hugs the flowers to her chest with a swoony look.
I laugh and my little sister darts away, bouncing on her feet to congratulate her best friend.
Akara finds me by the round table near the dance floor as I lick cake crumbs off my fingers. His smile reaches his eyes as he lands by my side. “You can take the girl out of the wild. But you can’t take the wild out of the girl.”
I suck icing from my thumb and then slug him in the shoulder with my free hand.
He barely moves. “I rest my case.”
“Hey, it’s not good cake unless I’m licking each little crumb off.” I look him up and down, about to ask how things went with Michael Moretti, but his expression shifts to utter affection as he cradles my gaze. I slowly pull my thumb from my mouth, my pulse double-beating. “Kits…?”
We’re interrupted by an MC on the mic. “All those beautiful couples, come onto the dance floor. This is your slooooow jam.”
Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers begins to play, and I back up from the edge of the dance floor where Akara is in a frozen stance.
His eyes only rest on me.
As couples join hand-in-hand and singles drift away, the dance floor becomes more open, and I notice Banks standing by himself only a few feet from Akara.
He turns his head, his eyes on my eyes, and I breathe harder, looking between Akara and Banks.
Banks and Akara.
As the most romantic fucking song plays, this is the part where the girl runs into the arms of the man she loves. Where I pick who I want to be with.
Instead, there is just an aching longing to run towards both.
We all seem to be breathing in at the same time, and I break the synchronicity and find Winona again. My fifteen-year-old sister leans against the dessert table where there’s a massive chocolate turtle spread. I slip my hand in hers.
She smiles and drags me onto the dance floor before I can drag her. We twirl each other, passing Akara and Banks, but I feel their eyes on me the whole time.
I can’t forget them.
I’ve tried all night. And a huge part of me never wants to forget. Forgetting them means forgetting how they make me feel. And I always, always want to remember.
51
AKARA KITSUWON
Once the reception begins to end, Sulli tells me she wants to go home instead of crashing at the hotel. Tonight, nothing sounds better than being far away from all of these people. Away from everyone. Everything was simpler in Yellowstone.
My responsibilities bear back down on me here, and I’m tempted to just sideline them for one more night. Tomorrow will be a different day. But I can let those worries roll off my shoulders for a handful more hours.
As wedding guests leave the gardens and trickle back into the stone mansion, creating a slow-moving line through the stained-glass double-doors, I find Banks saying goodbye to an uncle at a dessert table. Nothing but crumbs and half-eaten coffee cake left.
Once his uncle leaves, I tell Banks, “I’m taking Sulli back to her place.”
She’s currently hugging her parents one last time, and I left a temp to watch her for a minute.
Banks glances to her, and he downs a glass of sparkling water, which I know he hates. “She choose you, then?” Pain already grips his voice.
My muscles tighten. “No.” I laugh under my breath. “Almost the opposite, actually.” I spread out my arms. “She asked me if I thought you’d want to come with us back to Philly.”
So there’s that.
Back in the city, Banks is more of a floater than her 24/7 bodyguard, and it’s more unclear to Sulli when Banks will follow her around. I make those decisions.
Surprise reaches his eyes. “What’d you say?”
I lick my dried lips. “I told her I’d ask you.”
His brows knot into a harder frown. “This was your one shot to get her alone and you fucked it?”
I nod slowly. “I guess so.”
What I don’t tell Banks is that I want him to come along. That maybe, after all of this, the thought of leaving Banks here, alone, in a hotel room tonight sounds like an asshole move.
I’m cutthroat, but not when it comes to him. I’ve accepted the fact that he’s my exception, and I don’t want to be an asshole to him. Ever.