I stripped off my swimsuit cover and grinned at Sebastian. “What do you say we go for a swim?”
His eyes moved over me in an appreciative glance. Then he ripped off his shirt in response. When he leaned down to kiss me, he slid a hand over my ass and squeezed. “With pleasure.”
I laughed and took off running for the water with Sebastian right behind me. We dove in once we got deep enough, and when we came up for air, I wrapped myself around his lean body and stared back into his eyes. “Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows.”
He tipped his head to one side as he peered back. “You know more about me than anyone in my life, Kai. In two months, you’ve stolen all my secrets.”
I smiled, teasingly, knowing that couldn’t possibly be true. “All of them?”
A shadow from the clouds passing above crossed his features before he dipped down to kiss me. “All the important ones.”
We spent the next few hours laughing and playing cards, dancing, reading, and swimming. And as the rest of them packed up to head back, Sebastian and I snuck off toward a couple of trees with a hammock spread between them and lay there together while we stared out at the crystal-blue water.
“Finally, all alone,” he teased.
I was curled up in his arms and looking up at him when he spoke, but my mind kept wandering to our earlier conversation.
Something had been bothering me since the previous night, after he’d left the wrap party. I saw Dirk follow Sebastian, but when I went to his cabin that night, he acted as if nothing was wrong. That same feeling of discomfort had returned when we were in the water earlier and I was asking him for his secrets. He wasn’t telling me something. I was sure of it.
He tipped my chin before locking eyes with me. “What’s wrong?” The blue in his eyes darkened to gray as another cloud passed by overhead.
“I just don’t want any more surprises, that’s all. I thought Claudette was supposed to leave, and I hate to admit it, but it’s putting me on edge.”
Sebastian nodded, slowly, as he ran a finger up my arm. His eyes met mine, and I could see the pain in them. The regret. The torment. As much as I hated that he’d been keeping something from me, I also wanted to relieve him of whatever was still hurting him.
“I talked to Dirk about Claudette,” he said. “He’s pretty adamant about her sticking around as your understudy. I’m sorry.” He looked toward the sky as if having an internal debate. Then he looked back at me as a heavy breath escaped him. “I need to tell you something. But Kai…”
My heart grew heavier at the warning in his tone.
I tipped my head up, feeling the worry lines in my forehead bending together. “What is it?”
He sighed and rolled his head so that he was facing the sky and not me. “There’s just… something I’ve been struggling with—something I’m really not supposed to say—but I don’t want to keep anything from you.”
The sinking in my gut tightened, causing an ache to rise into my chest.
“Tell me, Sebastian. Whatever it is, my feelings for you aren’t going to change.”
Something softened in his eyes, and he reached for me, pulling me flush against his body. “Good. Because I’m too far gone over you to let you go easily.” He kissed my forehead. “I want you to know that. I thought I knew what I wanted when I signed this cruise deal. I thought I wanted out of Angst and Grace and to just move on. Now, I’m not so sure I want to lose the musical that gave you your first set of wings. You’ve performed brilliantly this week.”
I smiled and tipped my nose toward his, nuzzling it before pulling away. “Okay, stop buttering me up for this awful confession, and just tell me.”
He chuckled then groaned. “Shit. Okay.” He shook his head as if even the thoughts pained him. “I met Claudette when she was auditioning for the original cast of Angst and Grace five years ago. I was different then. Young. Driven. Hungry. But in a desperate way that made me blind to the truth on so many occasions, Claudette being one of them.”
“Sebastian,” I said, my stomach already feeling queasy, “I get all that. You’re not the same person anymore. I know.”
He squeezed his eyelids shut. “But there’s more.”
When his eyes met mine, I sighed and nodded for him to continue.
“Musicals don’t go straight to Broadway most of the time. There’s a bit of a process where everyone goes through the wringer. Dirk wanted us to take the workshop route, which was really just a time for development. There are changes left and right to choreography, and some songs get dropped, rewritten, or replaced completely before it moves to a big stage for actual performances. But”—his eyes connected with mine—“it wasn’t just Dirk and me making the decisions. Claudette was there from the beginning, before everything got so complicated, and she became a big part of the decision process.”
“And you were okay with that? Why?”
Sebastian looked away again before tightening his grip around me. “Because at the time… Claudette and I were engaged.”
“What?” The word slipped out before I could think about it. I hoped I’d heard him wrong, but I could tell from his expression that my darkest assumptions were nowhere near the truth.
The truth was far worse.
Everything started clicking together. The intense animosity between Dirk and Sebastian. The challenge I’d seen in Claudette’s eyes. Dirk hadn’t only slept with Sebastian’s ex-fiancée. He’d slept with Claudette, Sebastian’s original Grace. A sickness crept into my veins and latched on my heart, squeezing it until I could feel my throat swelling.
A crack of lightning whipped through the sky, followed by a loud rumble of thunder behind it. Dread lanced its way through me as our eyes shifted toward the thick, dark, gray cloud cover. Seconds later, rain was splattering over the water, drenching everyone still left on the beach in seconds.
Just great.
Shrieks and laughter flew through the air as beachgoers pulled themselves out of the water, gathered their things, and fled toward the dock to catch the next tender boat, where a long line was already forming.
“We need to go. Now.” I climbed off the hammock so fast that I tumbled onto the sand. Then I picked myself up and grabbed my swim bag. Everything was happening in a blur. I didn’t remember how quickly we ran toward the next boat. I didn’t even remember thinking twice about getting on it. All I could think about was getting back to the ship, where I’d felt safe up until today. Before Sebastian dropped that bomb. Before the weather turned to shit. Before the fantasy I had started to form in my mind dissolved to pieces.
I should have never left the damn cruise ship.
“Hey,” Sebastian said, coming up behind me. “Slow down, Kai. You could have slipped back there.”
“I’m fine,” I snapped. Anxiety was rattling around in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if that was from the thought of getting back on the boat or from having to face Sebastian’s confession fully.
Either way, I didn’t have time to sort out my emotions. The boat was leaving the dock, and all the seats were taken, so I held on to the only handle I could find and squeezed my eyes shut as the tender moved away from the dock.