“Fine.” She rolled her eyes again. “Does your life mean anything to you?”
“Of course it does.”
“Really? When?”
I opened my mouth to reply, however quickly shut it.
Did my life mean anything to me? Why couldn’t I answer her question?
“Looks like the cat got your tongue, huh? You kill women when they are…you know…” She motioned her hands awkwardly in front of her. “While they are…”
In a challenging tone, I ordered, “Fucking say it, I dare you. Would you like my tongue deep inside of you instead?”
“I hate you.”
“Correction, you love me.”
“I tolerate you.” She jabbed a finger at me, and that was when I saw it, the flicker of her eyes to my mouth like she was curious, like she wanted to know. It was my job to read people, and for the first time in a long time, she cracked.
It was brief.
Sudden.
Enough.
I leaned in and tilted her chin toward me. “Was orgasm the word you were going for or something dirtier…God, please say it was something dirtier…”
Her breath hitched. “Romeo…we shouldn’t.”
Again.
I got her.
There were times where she would let her guard down and stop pretending like I didn’t mean anything to her.
More than friendship.
More than bickering.
Much more than anything…
Anyone.
“We most definitely should.” I nodded. “Didn’t you know? Sex fixes everything.”
She burst out laughing. “You’re insane.”
“Then go a bit crazy with me; I promise you’ll enjoy it.”
“You gonna kill me during or after?”
“Oh, definitely after.” I nodded seriously. “Wouldn’t wanna kill the moment.”
She smiled, her cheeks slightly turned a shade of pink. “So tell me, Red… what’s it going to be?” I asked, watching as her eyes dilated at the sound of the nickname I’d called her since we were kids. Twirling her red hair in between my index finger, I tugged her closer to my mouth. Inches away from my lips.
There it was…
Our connection.
A throat cleared, forcing me to pull away from her as Tristian looked between us, his face hard and unreadable. “I’m not feeling well, guys, so I’m just gonna head out.”
“No!” Eden reached for his arm; his eyes softened. “Stay, please!”
His breathing changed the minute she touched him; it was like he transformed into an entirely different human, unrecognizable by even his younger brother.
Because he was fucking in love with her.
I knew that too.
I’d known it all my life.
Eden was the garden we both wanted to plant our seed in.
She was still gripping onto his arm, not mine. While she always pushed me away, with Tristian, she pulled him closer to her. She was different with him than she had ever been with me. Including this very moment. Where I was discussing taking her to my bed, she was pretty much begging Tristian to cock block the fuck out of me.
I’d never been jealous of a body part before, but there you go, a first time for everything. I wanted to cut off my brother’s arm.
Quickly, I shoved the thought away.
Family over everything.
Anyone.
“Actually,” I rasped, forcing an easy smile, “I was going to go find someone to dance with, you two stay.”
The hurt expression on Eden’s face was a dagger to my cold heart. She knew what I was doing. This wasn’t the first time I let him have her, and it wouldn’t be the last.
“You’re sure?” she inquired, searching my eyes for more lies.
I gave her nothing. A blank canvas. Replying, “Positive.” Meeting her eyes.
Bright blue stared deep into mine. For a second, she was able to break through. I was the first to break the power this woman had over me; gazing down at the ground, I backed away.
If I did, I wouldn’t turn around and find someone else.
If I did, she’d see right through me.
If I did, I knew that she’d be going home with me.
Not him.
This was only the first fuck-up in a long line of fuck-ups.
It would forever change my life.
This was the moment where I turned the page and ended the chapter of what could have been.
Handing her to my brother was the most noble shit I’d done in all my life. It was the least I could do. He was my blood, my only brother, the man I looked up to.
How was I supposed to know I was damning all three of our souls with one choice?
I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I surrendered.
In one year, they were married.
In one year, I had everything I wanted.
In one year…
Our lives dragged us straight to Hell.
CHAPTER THREE
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.” —Darth Vader
Romeo
Then: Eight months later
“She said yes!” Tristian’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree as the family all stood to offer their congratulations. We were at our parents’ house.
I sat.
I sat, and I stared at the wall in front of me.
Soon he’d want to shake my hand.
Soon he’d want me to smile.
Soon I’d want to drink myself to death.
How I could manage to kill without once feeling an ounce of pain, only to feel like I was going to lose my mind at the news of his engagement.
I buried the reasons like I buried my heart.
Like I’d hidden my soul.
Eden.
She wasn’t mine.
She never had been.
Now she belonged to another man who wasn’t me.
My brother.
Tristian.
He didn’t steal her from me.
I gave her to him.
And I had only myself to blame.
I’d let this happen.
In the back of my mind, I knew—a life for us just wasn’t in the cards. A relationship. A marriage. I barely allowed a friendship. I didn’t want this life for her. If it wasn’t me, it was going to be another son of a bitch who’d drag her into the flames with him. I couldn’t allow that to happen, not after knowing how pure her heart truly was. My brother would be good to her. He’d treat Eden like she deserved. She was his whole world, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.
But what was worse than what I was currently encountering? I couldn’t face her.
I didn’t want to congratulate her.
Tell her how happy I was for them.
More lies.
No truths.
The reality of our love story was that it was over before it ever had a chance to begin.
Being married to me would kill her, slowly, day by day, until no pieces of her soul were left. She’d lie with her words, and she’d give me her body. But I’d be left with nothing but the ash of the woman I burned with me.
It was better this way.
She had him,
He had her.
They had each other while I had nothing.
Slowly, I stood on wooden legs and then turned to my brother.
“Tristian.” I held out my hand, surprised it wasn’t shaking with the rage I felt trapped in my body demanding to be free. “I’m happy for you, brother.”