“I’ll be at the bar.” I brushed past her and avoided making eye contact with anyone. If I didn’t look at them, maybe they would leave me alone.
I managed to make it to the bar un-accosted. A bartender rushed straight over. “Nice set, man,” he said.
“Thanks, can I get a Jack and Coke on the rocks?”
“Sure. Coming right up.”
I felt Rafe before I saw him. “Come to bitch me out?” I drawled.
“Actually, I came to ask if there’s anything I can do.”
I leaned back against the bar, lifting my eyes to his. “You care now?”
“Shit, Levi. I always care. I’m just worried. Getting close to Phoebe is—”
“Don’t, just don’t.”
A couple of people approached but I caught Stalter’s eye and he intercepted them, giving me and Rafe privacy. This conversation, although I’d been hoping to avoid it, was long overdue.
“Talk to me, Levi. You never talk to me anymore.”
“I like her. Is that what you want to hear?”
“You think I don’t know that.” He ran a hand through his hair as he exhaled a long breath. “But getting closer to her... if things don’t work out—”
“Because I’ll screw it up? That’s what you mean, right?” Disappointment swelled in my chest. I knew I’d given him every right to think so poorly of me. Time and time again, I’d let him down. Let myself down. But Rafe was my brother. The one person who knew me better than anyone else in the world. Wasn’t that supposed to count for something?
“That’s not...” A heavy sigh escaped his lips. “There are a hundred reasons why it could go wrong.”
“Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Did you know her ex was an addict?” His expression softened.
“Yeah, I know.” My jaw clenched, and I reached for my drink, downing it in one. I held the empty up to the bartender and he started making me another one.
Rafe eyed my fresh drink the second I picked it up. “You’re drinking, why?”
My gaze darted from his scrutiny, immediately finding Phoebe in the crowd. She was in a small group of men and women, talking and laughing. But there was a guy standing a little too closely, his eyes flicking repeatedly to her tits.
Rafe noticed and gave me a sad smile. “It drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, I want to rip his fucking arm off.” If he touched her one more time, there was every chance I would.
“Now you know how I felt.” He pinned me with a hard look. Guilt flashed through me. I’d been a dick when Eva had first joined the tour. I hadn’t exactly made a play for her, but I had made her a pawn in some twisted game to punish my brother.
To punish myself.
“I was an asshole.”
“Yeah,” he said. “You were. But it all worked out in the end. I got my girl.”
“I’m happy for you both, ya know?” I didn’t always show it, but I was. If anyone deserved a girl like Eva, it was Rafe.
“I know.” His expression softened. “So, you really like her, huh? Do you think it could be... more?”
“Do you think I’m capable of more?” Because I sure as fuck wasn’t… but I wanted it.
Damn, I wanted her.
In any and every way I could get her.
“It isn’t for me to tell you what you’re capable of, Levi.”
“Could have fooled me,” I grumbled, the burn of liquor in my veins not nearly enough to take the edge off. Flagging the bartender down again, I ordered a double.
“I’m just worried. We all are. When things are good, they’re really good. But when things go bad—”
“If... if they go bad.” Oh, who the fuck was I kidding? They would go bad.
They would go bad and it would be all my fault. Just like it always was. A flashback flickered through my mind.
“What the hell happened in here?” Mama yelled as she entered our small living room.
Rafe had found a marker pen and decided to decorate one of the walls. His dark swirls and circles looked were better than the peeling paper and black moldy patches, but Mom didn’t look impressed. In fact, she looked livid.
“I…” He trembled, the pen hanging between his fingers.
“Levi! Explain yourself now.” She scowled at me.
“Me? But I didn’t—”
“He’s just a child. He wouldn’t do something so naughty if he didn’t have you whispering in his ear all the time, would you, Raphael?”
“I- it was me, Mama,” Rafe cried. “I did it. The walls look so tatty and I just thought—”
“Enough!” She grabbed my arm and yanked hard, so hard I was surprised my shoulder was still in its socket. “There’ll be no tea for you tonight, Leviathan. Go to your room and think about your actions. Raphael is such a good boy, do you really want to infect him, ruin him with your evil ways?”
Rafe caught my eye and his bottom lip wobbled. I shook my head gently. Don’t say anything else. There’s no use in arguing with her. She could have caught him red-handed and it would still be my fault.
“Straight to your room and don’t come out again until I tell you, do you understand?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I moved to the door, glancing back at the last second, wishing I hadn’t when I found her consoling Rafe. Hugging him. Doting on him.
Loving him.
“Levi?” my brother’s voice pulled me from the memory. It was one of many. My childhood was steeped in memories of her favoring Rafe, loving him when she so vehemently hated me.
“I’m okay.”
“You sure?” His eyes narrowed, searching mine for answers.
I managed a small nod.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “But I’ll always be your brother, Levi, your blood. And I’ll always want to protect you. It’s just who I am.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s why I love you so fucking—motherfucker.” I shouldered past Rafe, storming toward Phoebe and the sleazy fucker touching her as if he had a God given right to put his hands on her.
“Levi,” he called after me, but it was too late.
He was touching her—he was touching my girl.
“What the fuck—”
“Oh no, asshole,” Hudson jumped in front of me. “I know I didn’t watch you just put your hands on my girl.”
“Y- your girl?” The guy stuttered, glancing between Phoebe and Hudson while I just stood there, wondering what the fuck was happening.
Hudson grabbed Phoebe’s hand and pulled her into his side, slinging his arm around her shoulder. “She’s with me. And I’m with the band so I’m thinking you need to take a hike.”
Security had closed in around us, cutting us off from the rest of the crowd.
“Babe, wanna tell me what happened?” Hudson asked Phoebe. She gazed up at him with cloudy eyes. “I... he...”
“Now, now,” the guy puffed his chest out, “let’s not get carried away. I was merely asking the young lady if she wanted a drink.”
He had to be pushing forty, sporting a round face and thick neck. My body vibrated with anger as I inched forward, but a heavy hand landed on my shoulder. “Relax, he’s got this,” Damon said.