19
They touched down in London late that night, and by the time the wheels hit the tarmac, Raed was exhausted. The news of Lise leaving the palace had burned through him like wildfire, leaving his muscles aching and his head throbbing. Worse yet, the name of the hotel where he’d be meeting Raoul hit him like an arrow through the chest—it was the same place he’d stayed with Lise two years ago.
The front desk put him in the same room.
Raed stepped off the elevator in the penthouse suite.
He’d tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal, being back in this place. It was just as luxurious as always, with brand-new modern furniture and the same view of the city. Sparkling water waited for him on the coffee table. He had done some dirty things to Lise on a coffee table in that very spot, if not the same one.
But it wasn’t only the sexy memories that flooded in now. It was all of them. Her laugh as she stood at this same window, looking out at a glorious sunset. The way she ran when she was chasing Jake. The joy she took in her son. And Raed—she had taken joy in Raed, too. It had shown on her face and in the way she held herself. Lise hadn’t been tense around him, not after a while, and she had accepted him into her life and into Jake’s life—
He dropped onto the couch and pulled off his shoes. It seemed like an incredible task, to take his clothes off and get into bed, and Raed sipped at the sparkling water and tried to steady himself. He had never felt so bleak and empty. All the life and warmth had been sucked out of him. All the drive.
What would it be like at the palace without Lise and Jake? What would it be like for them to be far away, out of his reach? His life wouldn’t be the same. He’d thought he could keep things separate. He’d thought he could keep his heart separate from his ambitions, and it was a horrible lie.
He put down the glass and stood up, his body aching. This was what Lise had chosen. She had wanted the job in London, and she’d deserved it, and she had taken it without a second glance.
No—that wasn’t true. And it was cowardly. He’d chosen it for them. He’d told her as much.
His phone buzzed with a message reminding him of the meeting in the morning. It was much too close for comfort and not enough time to truly lose himself in sleep, but Raed made his way to the bedroom anyway. He fell into the bed. For the first time, it felt vast—too vast. As if Lise should be sleeping beside him right now.
The next buzz from his phone seemed to happen only a minute later, and he swiped at where it sat on the bedside table. It fell to the floor, clattering under the bed, and he leaned down with his eyes still closed to get it. Who was texting him in the middle of the night? By the time the smooth glass met his palm, he was already hoping it would be Lise. It didn’t matter if he was in London and if she was packing. They could have a conversation.
But it was a message from Stephen, asking him if he was up. Whether he was dressed.
Raed tossed down the phone and swiped at his eyes, waiting to feel the familiar surge of adrenaline that usually accompanied business meetings like this.
It didn’t come.
He took himself to the shower and into a fresh set of clothes, as empty as he’d ever felt, and went down to the hotel’s luxury breakfast bar to meet Maria Castro-Martinez. Maria, in a bright red dress and blazer, looked like she’d been awake for hours. She probably had. At the conference they’d attended, she’d mentioned her habit of four a.m. workouts. She liked to get a head start on the day. Usually, Raed was that kind of person, too. Today, the briefcase felt heavy in his hands.
Maria had already finished eating by the time he took his place next to her at the bar, but the bartender was sliding a fresh cup of tea in front of her.
“Raed.” Her eyes lit up with her characteristic laser focus. “I’m glad you could make it. I was a little surprised when we couldn’t connect in Dubai, but obviously I was able to pull some strings.”
“I’m grateful for it.” Where was the adrenaline? Where was the energy? “Unfortunate circumstances.”
Maria sipped her tea, then flipped open a portfolio she’d brought with her. “I thought we would talk before you meet with Raoul. Sound good?”
“Perfect.” He slipped some papers from his briefcase and stacked them on the bar. Raed had been talking about the foundation and its goals for years, but now the words didn’t come. He scanned over the papers. Nothing written there particularly inspired him. It was as if the trip away from Lise had sapped him of his will.
Maria patiently sipped her tea.
The facts and figures rearranged themselves into something resembling a pitch for Raoul, and Raed cleared his throat. He could feel Maria’s energy. She was high-powered and thorough and never left anything to chance, hence this meeting. Hence everything. At one point, Raed had considered poaching her for the foundation. Maria even had the perfect look—attractive, bright-eyed, ideal. But flipping through these papers, he felt like a chasm had expanded between them.
He flipped one over, then the next, waiting for the right words to appear. They hung back.
“What’s that?” Maria tapped a fingernail on the back of one of the papers. “Did your assistant forget how to print clean copies?”
Raed’s face heated. The marks were in pen, but they were Jake’s big, looping circles. He didn’t have good control over writing instruments yet, but he’d been so enthusiastic about it, and when Lise had seen his drawing she’d been just as thrilled. She had found his drawings on the back of her papers, too, and had hung several up on the fridge. They fluttered in the breeze every time she opened the refrigerator door.
She had smiled at them every time.
And what had Raed done?
He’d smiled, too. When Jake played under his desk in his office and popped up with another masterpiece, Raed had added little drawings alongside his son’s. Even here, his notes were in the margins, leaving space for Jake’s curling swoops. And he was sitting at a luxury breakfast bar at seven in the morning. For a meeting.
Lise wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t have scheduled a thing until an hour after Jake’s wake-up time. There was always time for her son, even while she focused on her career.
A shiver moved over his skin. Raed had never been in the wrong place at the wrong time so definitively before. As a member of the royal family, wherever he went was the correct place for him to be. Now the world was off-balance, and he felt vaguely ill. Part of that was from the early hour, no doubt, but more than anything he wanted Lise.
He wanted her by his side. No—he wanted to be by her side. In a home they shared together. In a life they shared together. What mattered more than that? A meeting with a man who would only see his foundation for the prestige he might gain from it, not what it could do for people around the world? No.
Raed put the stack of papers down and pulled out his phone. Miguel Paredes had been the one to shadow him at the palace for that article, but the woman writing it—that was Solange Cipriani, one of the head writers at Tempo.
“Do you have a call at this hour?” Maria’s voice cut into his thoughts.
“No,” he answered. He didn’t have a call. It was still too early to get ahold of Solange, but he had to do something, and her name was the first one to come to mind. She was a member of the media. Her magazine would reach people all over the world. He wanted to tell everyone he could reach about how he felt for Lise.