Maybe we just needed to step away.
Maybe we just needed to distance ourselves from the stress of it all.
“Jack?”
His sigh is heavy, and I hate that he doesn’t turn to look at me—not once. “What are we doing here, Tate?” He plays with a blade of grass, pulling it apart and letting the tiny pieces flutter to the ground.
Click.
“You tell me. You’re the one pushing me away. Being a dick. Closing me out.”
“You’re right. I am.”
I wasn’t expecting his blatant agreement, so it takes me a moment before I ask, “Why?”
“We’re . . . we’re us.” He barely glances my way, but it’s enough for me to see the pain in his eyes, and that causes worry to reverberate through me. “And pretty soon, I have to leave and be the man I swore I’d never be. I have to live the life that I promised myself I’d never live. It’s what I want, it’s what I need to do, but I don’t know . . .” He shakes his head. “So, not only am I having a hard time figuring out how I’m supposed to be those things but I also know that it’s going to hurt like a son of a bitch leaving you.”
Then don’t!
The words scream through my mind as the panic that’s been slowly building bubbles up.
I can’t tell him to stay, though. Jack has worlds to conquer. Things he needs to learn and become. There’s no way I can hold him back from that.
There’s no way I can tell him I’ve fallen in love with him.
There’s no way I can burden him with that.
“I’m a man who falls hard, Tate.” He picks up a rock and sidearms it so it skips three times across the water before sinking beneath the surface. “So, it’s easier if I don’t fall at all.”
“Okay.” I nod as if I understand, but I don’t.
“It’s just easier for me that way. In the past, the transient nature of my job made it easy for me. Moving on every few months.”
Look at me, Jack.
“But you’re heading home soon. You’ll have somewhere permanent.” Just getting the words out is half the battle because I’m secretly dying inside. Privately hating that I’ve let myself get so close to someone so fast. “What then?”
Let me see your eyes because your lips are moving, but I don’t believe you.
He shrugs. His profile against the lake stoic and unemotional. “Then I guess I’ll do what’s expected of me.”
I feel your kisses every night.
“Which is?”
I see the glances you steal of me.
“Get married. Have kids. Learn to be the man my dad expected me to be.”
I feel you.
“Wouldn’t he just want you happy?” I ask.
I know there’s more here.
“Yeah. I guess.”
Look at me, Jack.
“There are all kinds of versions of happy.”
“There are.” When he finally turns and looks at me, his eyes are miserable and his expression is pained. “But we live in two different worlds. I’d never ask you to walk away from this now that we’re on the cusp of success and I can’t walk away from mine. So, love and happiness don’t exactly get to factor into the equation.”
“You’re wrong, though.” I fight the desperation that laces the edges of my voice, but it’s still there. I told myself I couldn’t hold him back, ask him to stay, and yet that’s exactly what I want to do. Ask. Beg. Plead. “Happiness and love should always mean something.”
“I can’t be your next time, Tatum.” The despair in his tone mimics mine as our eyes hold in the waning light, and I see it. He doesn’t have to say the three words for me to hear them.
And he knows I see it.
He just nods ever so slightly before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his side.
We sit like that for some time. Together. Alone. Quiet. Accepting the inevitable and fighting it all at the same time.
I take comfort in the heat of his body beside mine, in the brush of his lips over mine, and in the soft sigh of a kiss we slip into as he lays me back onto the grass beneath us.
He makes love to me in the twilight without any words but with every emotion pouring out of him through the gentleness of his actions. The reverence in his touch as he kisses away the tear that slips down my cheek is something I draw deep into me so that I can keep it with me once I no longer have the man who bestowed it.
46
JACK
“You want to tell me what this is?”
I look up from the barrage of texts I’ve shared back and forth with my sister, same bullshit, different day, to find Pete walking across the stable with a stack of stapled papers in his hand.
“What’s what?” I rise from my seat and accept the stack he holds out.
It takes me a second to realize what they are and for the dread to settle in. I count to ten, forcing the fight or flight to wane so I can keep my tone even and unfazed when I speak to him.
“This has been an almost flawless venture, but we’re one day out from leaving, and when I went into town today, I was handed these and then given a warning. You want to tell me what the hell they are and why I shouldn’t be concerned?”
I flip through the ledger as if it’s something I’ve seen before. Lines upon lines of bets made, of bets lost, of an exorbitant amount of money owed in the balance line. “What was the warning?” I ask as my temper roils beneath the surface.
“That we were making a mistake investing in this venture. That Knox owes enough to bookies that she’s going to take any money paid to her and bail. She has horses for sale. She has the ranch in general for sale, which is why you’re here. What the fuck is going on here, Sutton?”
I huff a laugh as my hands grip the fucking papers. “I’m not selling the ranch for her, Pete. Why would I work so hard to negotiate the deal with you if I were going to?” I move to the opposite end of the bunkhouse and turn to face him. “These are old news.” I smack the papers against my palm. “Just some assholes in town who Knox’s husband shorted some cash when he died. She’s straight as an arrow. I wouldn’t be here or pushing her to you if I didn’t know that for a fact.”
“Then why those?” Pete juts his chin in the direction of the papers.
“For starters? The Hickmans are less than thrilled that you’re here and not there.”
“They got lazy and dropped the ball.”
“But they only see her stealing you away.”
“You said for starters. What other shitstorm am I walking into if we solidify this deal long term?”
“This land is desirable. The Knox’s won the bid on the land and two brothers who didn’t want to get into a bidding war over it have been harassing her since the day the papers were signed. She hasn’t flinched once, and I don’t see her doing it in the future.” No way in fucking hell she will now that I’m going to button up this deal and save this place from going belly up.
“This is concerning, Jack. Investing money and trusting a partner is a little hard to do with someone when you fear they aren’t going to be there from one season to the next.”