“Don’t you dare be sorry,” Sue says with a strength that pulls my attention back to her. Her jet-black hair cut into a blunt bob sways as she leans forward, moving closer to me while she speaks with an undeniable authority. “If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, do it. Whatever you need to do, just let it out.”
Maddie nods her head in my periphery, but I can’t do the same. Looking at the two of them, the stark contrast between Maddie and Suzette is more than obvious. Maddie’s a young brunette with large doe eyes, equally in love with love itself and the big city. Sue’s a recent divorcée with a bitter sense of humor she’s earned. Even their fashion choices are at odds. Maddie’s wearing a maxi dress and has a teal raincoat and clear umbrella hanging off the back of her chair, while Sue’s in a black and white tweed dress with a matching jacket, plus a broad-brimmed, black Breton hat she wears to keep people away.
Somewhere in the middle is where I fall.
What if I want to deal with it by falling into his arms and letting him lie to me? I bite my tongue, letting the silence be eaten up by the ticking of the clock. I know it’s not okay, yet that’s all I want. I want him to fight for me. I want him to love me. I want to forgive him, even if he won’t admit what he’s done.
And that makes me a coward and a pathetic excuse for a modern-day woman, doesn’t it?
The snide thought makes me turn my attention back to the dreary state of affairs outside. The clouds have set in and the sky quickly turns dark.
“This is crap weather for a first meeting,” I say out loud, not really meaning to.
“Way to change the topic,” Sue half jokes as she picks up her coffee cup and takes a sip, the smirk ever present on her lips. Her light blue eyes stare back at me from over the rim and it almost makes me laugh. Almost.
“So you’re meeting your client here?” Maddie asks, gracefully accepting my invitation to talk about anything else. I’ve never loved her more than in this very moment.
I nod, still not trusting myself to speak and take another gulp of my coffee. I forgot it was pumpkin spice and I nearly spit it out, startled by the flavor, but then I swallow it down. It’s not so bad.
Maddie pulls her dark brown, curly hair over her shoulder and scrunches her nose as she takes in my expression. “You don’t like pumpkin?” she asks, raising a brow in disbelief.
“It’s okay,” I say, answering her with a straight face and Sue erupts with a laugh that catches the attention of an elderly couple behind us. Her good humor is infectious and I find myself smiling. This is what I need. To talk and think about something else. Anything else.
“I’ll get you something else,” Maddie says as Sue starts to speak. “Just regular? Cream and sugar?”
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it, Maddie. It’s good.” I wave off her concern and take another sip. “I just needed some caffeine.”
“Well, you look professional,” Sue says with a nod. “The rain didn’t ruin your hair.”
I shake out my hair playfully in response to Sue’s attempt at a distraction but Maddie doesn’t pick up on the hint, and when I yawn, she goes right back to the conversation I hoped we were done with.
“Trouble sleeping?” Maddie asks and I nod my head once then turn back to the cup, hating that we’re back on this again.
“I just wish I had …” I can’t finish the sentence and I struggle to come up with something to say as I push the hair from my face while trying to remember what I want. I haven’t got a clue. “I wish I had my life together,” I practically whisper, but they hear and I know they do.
“You do have your life together. You’re an established publisher. An entrepreneur and a hard worker.”
I have work. Yes. Maddie happily agrees with Sue, reminding me of how many people in this very city would kill for my job.
But I don’t have a damn thing else. Not enough to hold on to a life I somehow strayed from.
The thought makes me miserable and I focus on the coffee again, knocking it back as if it’ll save me. When I set it down, I notice how empty it is as I tap the bottom of it against the table and hear a hollow sound. I’m going to need a refill. I’ll get it myself, though. I push away from the table slightly. “I’m going to grab another. At this rate it’ll be empty before Jacob gets here.”
“Oh, Jacob.” Sue says his name with a hint of something I can’t describe in her voice. A devilish smile grows on her face and it makes me roll my eyes. Of all the girls, Sue’s the one who gets over one man by getting under another. And she’s given the advice freely to our tight group of friends. I can practically feel her elbow in my ribs.
“Yes, Jacob,” I echo, mocking the way she said it, feeling irritable and juvenile, but it only makes Sue smile.
“Well I hope he’s a good distraction for you,” Sue says then winks and slides her bag off her lap, onto her shoulder.
“Work is always a good distraction.” My tone destroys the bit of lightness. “I’m good at burying myself in it.” The girls are quiet as my words sit stale in the air. It’s part of the reason my marriage is tainted. I don’t have to say it out loud and they don’t have to tell me. Everyone already knows it.
She worked herself to death will be written on my tombstone. It’s all I think while I stand at the counter and order another coffee. Regular this time, with a splash of cream and plenty of sugar.
“I read his book you gave me,” Maddie says when I retake my seat a moment later, changing the subject back to Jacob Scott. “I looked him up online too,” she adds as a smile spreads across her lips and her cheeks brighten with a blush. She scoots to the back of her seat and holds her cup in both hands, gladly taking the attention off of me. “He’s cute,” she says and smiles in a way I don’t see often from her. My left brow raises as I watch her pink cheeks turn brighter. Little miss innocent.
“Is he now?” Sue comments and the two share a look as Maddie nods.
“Want me to put in a good word for you?” I question—it’s meant for either of them really—and reach into my Kate Spade satchel for my laptop and notebook, setting them up on the table as Sue stands and puts on her jacket. There’s no way Maddie would actually make a move. She’s so sheltered and inexperienced. There’s also no way I’d let someone like Jacob near her.
“You can always stay and wait for him to get here?” I say jokingly. “Or maybe leave something behind and have to come back for it?”
She doesn’t answer, merely shakes her head and slides off her seat to join Sue in leaving me to my fresh coffee and waiting laptop.
“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Maddie finally says and then walks over to give me a hug. Even in her heels, I still sit a little higher at the bar-height table as she embraces me.
I half expect her to say something in my ear, to tell me it’ll be all right or that Evan’s made a mistake. But she doesn’t say a word until she lets me go. “I’m just a call away,” she says with a chipper tone that wouldn’t clue in anyone around us that I’d need to call her because my life is falling apart. Both of her hands grip my shoulders just a second too long.