“Let’s pay, yeah? We still need to eat and check on Jeremy, and then… ” He leaned in for a quick kiss and then sashayed away, holding two of the furry decorations from his ears like earrings. He’d avoided any kind of commitment at all in the conversation, and the soft fuzzy lovey feelings I was harboring had a new emotion in the collection—fear. This was just a fling. I was opening my heart for no reason, and I was contemplating the next step when I should be thinking about the here and now. I’d spent my entire time with Marc seeing the future that was a mix of love and kids and making a family home where maybe one day we could host an event such as a Christmas dinner. I’d been so blinded by the future that I hadn’t spent enough time in the present and look where that got me.
Still, his enthusiasm and laughter were so infectious, that by the time we lugged everything back to the hotel, I’d forgotten the warning signs, or at least chose to ignore them. We deposited the gifts in my room then headed straight for dinner on the top floor with its spectacular views, all the while holding hands like teenagers and stealing kisses behind the other guests in the queue. I don’t know if it was the kisses or the laughing, but they seated us in a corner in high-backed chairs, and it felt as if we were the only people in the entire place.
He reached for my hand and laced our fingers. We ate the shrimp starter, one-handed, chatting about the show, Clare, and today. Never once did we revisit Christmas and what it meant to either of us or why, but that was a good thing because the filmy veil over that part of the day was enough for us not to see the crack.
After starters, steak with all the trimmings was when we finally let go of each other’s hands, and then we both slumped into our chairs.
“I’m stuffed,” he grumbled and tipped his head back in the chair and closed his eyes. “You know this might have been the best day of my entire life.”
“Even better than the hot springs?” I teased, but he opened his eyes and leaned forward, taking my hand again.
“I had to share you at the springs, today I had you all to myself.” He was so earnest, his azure eyes clear, his hand tightened on mine. “I liked that. For the first time ever I wanted that.”
“Oh.”
He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Yep, it’s intense, I know.”
“Cute,” I finished what I was going to say, and he wrinkled his nose.
“You think I’m cute?” he deadpanned.
“I didn’t say you were cute, I meant what you said was cute,” I teased in return, and he squeezed my hand.
“Ass. So what do you have planned for tomorrow for the wedding theme?” He waggled his eyebrows theatrically. “Because you’re the wedding king, and I need to steal your ideas.”
I ignored the pull inside at being labeled the wedding king when I was now officially divorced, so I leaned in to him and lowered my voice. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
He clutched his chest in mock horror. “I thought I knew you.”
“Actually, I’m incorporating chocolate work, which I’m dreading.”
“You’ll easily win,” he reassured me. “I’m sticking to a theme of ice for the cupcakes and the wedding cake showpiece.”
“That’s a clever take on seasonal. Mine is more flowery, so I hope I pull it off because it gets so hot in the room, and the chocolate work is detailed.”
We talked for so long about everything and nothing, and I made him laugh with stories about growing up in my madhouse family, and he told me about all the stupid that was involved in marketing products. We wandered through the Fairmont, staring in the small shops that sold items I would never spend money on, and then we were finally at the elevators.
“Jeremy?” His finger hovered over the button for his floor. He looked at me and crooked a grin. What I wanted to say was that I’d rather we used some of the stuff we picked up today, preferably in his suite, but I guess he was right. We needed to check on Jeremy then we should really head to bed after. Separately. Tomorrow was important.
“Yeah.”
The path was empty again, the darkness all consuming, broken only by the lamps, and it was a space for secrets and kisses and more joy than I thought possible. For a moment, I wonder if I’d been drugged because I wasn’t sure I’d felt this happy being with a guy before. This wasn’t like my time with Marc. This was shiny and bright and hopeful.
With Jeremy fixed, we headed back in to the warmth of the indoors and then to the elevator, and again I was offered a choice, only this time Justin tugged me close and kissed me. We both knew what we’d been working up to all day, and the thought of going to my own room now was hell.
“You wanna?” he asked with his crooked grin that made everything right.
All the laughter from today and the sheer joy of being together made me step into his arms.
“Hell yeah.”
Chapter Nineteen
You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy cake, and that’s kind of the same thing
Justin
“I guess you should know I haven’t been with anyone seriously since Marc.” Brody stated this as soon as the door to my room shut and closed us off from the world. He sounded embarrassed and cautious, but I decided that walking him backward while kissing the life out of him was a significantly good way to show him how sexy that was. I couldn’t believe how possessive I felt and honored that he was interested in me. We met at the bed, sprawling onto the cover, and I had to break the kisses and stare down at the man who was sex personified, at the one person who had managed to push through the wall I’d erected around myself. Soft lamplight highlighted his skin, shadows on the planes of his body that I wanted to explore.
“For real?” I asked, not because I didn’t believe him but because I was the luckiest man alive.
“Seeing him with another man broke me, I think. It’s been a year since I’ve had someone inside me.”
Brody was risking everything by telling me this, and I bet he half expected me to roll off and call it a night, but I was taking my own risks tonight in showing Brody what he meant to me, and I refused to let him think it mattered.
“I wish I knew the right words to tell you—”
He cut off my words with a kiss, grabbing me and somehow hoisting me up the bed. We hadn’t even taken off our coats, two huge teddy bears rolling around, and the absurdity of it all hit me at the same time as he let out a frustrated groan and shoved me away to yank off his coat, scarf, hat, gloves, and I was right behind him, neither of us stopping until we were naked. We then met in the middle and crashed down on the mattress winded. Never let it be said that this was graceful sexiness, this was need and lust, and I was riding the wave as if I never wanted it to stop. There was clumsily bad coordination, legs twisting, hands not knowing where to go, bumping and laughing but there was none of the awkwardness that comes along with being with someone new.
I kissed every part I could reach. As we slid and rutted against each other, I knew that if we didn’t stop, then I’d lose it in seconds, so I eased myself out of his hold and sat up and away from him.
“What?” he asked and circled his cock with those long capable fingers.