I looked for him everywhere, and in the end, there was only one place he could be. Wrapped up against the bitter cold I headed out straight for Jeremy. I didn’t see Justin at first. He was behind our snowman patching up holes with snow, and his eyes were bright.
“Hey.” I made him jump, and I’m not sure he expected me to find him.
“Hi,” he replied and then picked up some more snow and formed it into a ball, concentrating on the act as if his life depended on it.
“Did I fuck up?” That was the only way I knew how to handle this—head on and clear.
“Clare did.” Justin looked confused. “She was the one who thought cheating would guarantee a place and now all that means is that I get a place by default, and I didn’t earn it—”
I picked up snow and threw it at him, and it hit his chest dead center, shattering into a cloud of icy white. He stared down and then up, and with deadly accuracy, he threw his handful of snow at me. It wasn’t as compacted as mine had been and most of it disintegrated in the air but enough reached me to make a white mark on my coat. I flailed dramatically and crumpled to the snowy path, laying still and waiting for Justin to scramble out and see if I was okay.
Nothing.
“You’re faking,” he accused. “You are, aren’t you? Faking?”
I didn’t move, just stared up at the bright blue sky until finally Justin was there peering down at me.
“Yep, totally faking.”
“You’re an asshole.” He put his hands on his hips, but I yanked at his pant leg, and he lost his balance and fell on me like an off center jelly baby. We grappled for a few moments until it became obvious we were getting nowhere and with a huff, he unraveled himself and laid on the ground next to me.
“I wish I could patch myself up like we do Jeremy. You know, cover all the bad bits in snow so that I’m perfect for you.”
“You are perfect for me, and one day you’ll realize it.”
“Maybe.”
“So, what now?”
I rolled up on my side and poked him. “We make this the best final the show has ever seen, and you give me a run for my money. I pull ahead. You pull ahead. I make a better cake, and then you do something fancy with jelly. I mess up. You mess up. I do better, and then I win. Simple.”
I leaned down and kissed his pout of dissatisfaction then rested on my elbows.
“What if I win?” he asked me and there was a hint of the smile that I loved. Talking of which?”
“I’m gonna win,” I said confidently. “But it’s okay, you get the consolation prize if you want it.”
“What consolation prize?” he asked suspiciously.
I huffed. “Me. You get me.”
We rolled in the snow a little longer like idiots and then helped each other up and brushed off snow, and as we began to head for the hotel, he pulled me to a stop.
“What if I can’t fall in love the same way as you? I’ve never done it before, so how do I know? I mean, I don’t have any idea if my mom loved my biological dad, or if my mom even loved me, I don’t have anyone in my life that I love.”
He was so serious, and even though I wanted to give it an incredible amount of consideration, I didn’t have a definitive answer. “It’s okay,” I said finally. “I’ll show you, and I’m a very patient guy.”
We started walking away, heading into the Fairmont and up to the room to change out of our wet things. I’d given up going to my room and moved everything into his. Over the final few days, even with the final show recordings, we spent time talking, and I never wanted to stop touching him or kissing him or just being near him. I had it bad.
I had a world of possibilities in my head. Christmassy snow love and a potential future, and I wasn’t even going to let what Clare had done mess with my head. We went for coffee sitting in a corner with a view of the mountains, sipping coffee, and I realized I had so much to say.
“There you are!” someone called from behind, and I stiffened then stood up and faced the one person I never thought I’d see today. Marc.
“What are you doing here?”
Marc placed a hand on my arm. “I came to find you so we could talk.” What the hell is happening? Next to me, Justin stood up, and Marc extended a hand which Justin took. “Good to finally meet you, Justin, loved your show.”
“Thank you—”
“I’m Marc, Brody’s husband—”
“Ex-husband—”
“—I had to come and see how he’s doing. Brody, can we talk?”
“We have nothing to say. I signed the papers. We’re done.”
“Let’s get a coffee—”
“I have a coffee.” I reached blindly for Justin’s hand, which he immediately took and laced our fingers. Marc’s eyes narrowed, and he glanced from the joined hands to my face.
“Oh, it’s like that?” he asked. “Is this payback?”
Justin tightened his grip, which gave me a push. “Payback for what? You stealing from my dad? Lying to my family? Sleeping around behind my back? No,” I lifted our joined hands a little, “this is the start of something precious and exciting, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
He stared at me, and I could read him like a book. I saw anger, frustration. I saw everything in his expressive eyes and wondered why I’d never seen the deceit when it had been happening. I’d been blind to his faults, imagining a love between us based on what I wanted, not what he could actually give me. Is that what I’m doing with Justin? Am I imagining something that wasn’t there?
“I wanted us to try again,” Marc wheedled. “Come on, we were good together.”
“I was a walking bank, that’s all. You should go now.”
“You told me you wanted huge declarations of love? Isn’t this what I’m giving you now?”
God that is not the kind of lie I wanted Justin to hear. “I never wanted a huge declaration of love. I just wanted to be loved, and you know, in the end, I just wanted you to be faithful.”
Marc curled his lip and huffed. “You were always busy, what did you want me to do?”
I was lost for words, but it was okay, Justin appeared to have my back.
“You could have gone to him and helped him so he could be less busy.” He faced Marc who was taller, bigger, and madder than a wet hen.
“Excuse me?” Marc spat. “Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Brody’s boyfriend.”
“Brody’s what?” Marc sputtered. “What in hell’s name do you see in someone like Brody?” He stopped as he realized the hole he’d just dug. He never saw me as anything other than useful for sex at college and then an open wallet after.
Justin’s mouth fell open in shock, and Marc’s expression went from defensive to smug in an instant. I bet he expected me to deny what Justin had just announced or maybe that Justin would take back the words. But I had fire in my heart and so much happiness that I couldn’t think.
“He’s passionate, kind, and he makes me happy just by being around him,” Justin began, and then he leaned into Marc and lowered his voice. “Also, he’s on fire in bed.”