Owen swore. “Bastard.”
“His wife was no help. Just laughed when I told her and said it would be wisest to indulge his desires that way everyone got what they wanted.” Cecilia’s mouth twisted. “The freedom they’d offered me was no freedom at all, not when it came at such a price. Thus, I left. At the least, my employers provided me with a character and enough money to return to England, both which enabled me to find work here, at Tarrington House.”
He tamped down on the fury he felt on her behalf. She did not seem to want righteous anger right now. So he leaned close and kissed her. But she seemed less in need of defending than validation. Quietly, he said, “Your courage humbles me.”
She nodded, but her expression was soft with gratitude.
A lull fell, interrupted only by the sound of the fire and the wind ruffling through the trees.
“I see now the reasoning behind your initial reluctance for us becoming lovers.” His father’s farthing contained only a fraction of what there was to know about how power functioned, who had it, and what it signified.
He held it, and he could not abuse that privilege. There was a way he could wield so it helped others, rather than merely shoring up his own position in the world.
“You’re a far better man than my prior employer could ever hope to be.”
“Small praise, given what a son of a bitch he revealed himself to be.”
She gave a low exhalation that might have been a laugh.
“You returned to England,” he prompted gently.
“For all the liberty of the Continent, I missed my home.”
“And you continued on as a governess. Despite what had happened at your prior post.”
Her smile was genuine. “For all that man’s poison, I still liked being a governess, and wanted to get away from London. I applied for the post to teach your sisters. It was conditional, my employment, since I had only the one character, but I suppose I did well enough for them to keep me.”
She kissed him briefly, then slid out from his arms to rise from the bed and move to her clothing nearby. Her body glowed in the firelight, yet he couldn’t take pleasure from watching her walk away.
“Help me dress.” She donned her shift and pulled on her loosened stays before presenting him with her back.
He padded from the bed to her and began tightening the laces down the back of her stays. “I far preferred removing this.”
“Staying here for more than a few hours is risky.” She exhaled, smoothing her hands down her torso as if assuring herself that her armor was fully in place. “We cannot afford to be forgetful of who we are. In the house, I’m the governess, and you are the duke.”
He hated the reminder of the gulf between them, but it was an uncontestable fact.
She slipped on her petticoat, and while he remained nude, she put on her gown. Wordlessly, she gave him her back, and the row of buttons on her dress.
“In this cottage,” he said, doing up the fastenings, “we’re neither of those things.”
With her gown fully secure, she faced him, her expression set. Was the sadness in her gaze an invention of his yearning heart, or was it real?
She reached up to cup his jaw. When he leaned into her touch, rubbing against her palm, she sucked in a breath. Longing shone in her eyes before she quickly banked it.
There was a strange comfort in how she fought against longing, as though he was not the only one who ached for more than they could have. Yet it was no comfort at all because no matter what he and Cecilia wanted, it would always be thwarted.
“Here,” she said evenly, “we’re the teacher and the student. That farthing tells us that anything else is impossible.”
Chapter Six
“Examining samples is the best way to understand the growing structures of plants,” Cecilia explained to Maria and Ellie. Since the day was so fine and mild, and since it would be nigh impossible to get her pupils to focus on their slates when a whole sunny world awaited, the three of them sat on a blanket spread upon the massive lawn behind Tarrington House’s east terrace. “Which means gathering samples.”
The girls shared a smile.
“May we, Miss Holme?” Maria asked.
Her sister all but vibrated with excitement at the prospect.
“Only if you promise not to destroy any creature’s home to do so,” Cecilia instructed.
“We promise,” the girls said solemnly.
“Then go, but don’t stray too far. If you’re not back within half an hour, I’ll be forced to search for you—and then we’ll take the remainder of today’s lessons in the schoolroom.”
“Half an hour,” Ellie repeated as she got to her feet. She pointed to the small timepiece pinned to her sister’s bodice, which had been a recent gift from their brother.
The mere thought of Owen made Cecilia’s face flush and her body shaky with remembrance of last night’s tryst.
Fortunately, the brim of her bonnet not only protected her from the sun, it also hid the heat in her cheeks, and Ellie and Maria were mercifully unaware of the fact that their governess was turning pink from lustful thoughts of their brother.
“Go on, then,” Cecilia said, waving them toward the trees fringing the lawn. “And stay together.”
With avowals that they’d stick close to each other, the girls ambled off toward the woods. Cecilia followed their progress, waiting until they had moved into the arbor before she stretched out on the blanket and picked up her book. She needed to review tomorrow’s lesson on the great kingdoms of Asia. There was a considerable amount of material to cover, and it would be a disservice to the topic to rush the lesson, but she had to determine the best starting point for a rich and fascinating subject.
Despite the absorbing topic, her lids were weighted, and keeping them open became a losing battle. A warm breeze blew across the lawn, abundant with the green scents of late springtime. She plucked at the ribbons of her bonnet, then tugged it from her head and set it beside her.
After she had returned to her room last night, she’d been unable to sleep. Though her body had been sated by the pleasure she’d shared with Owen, their intimate conversation afterward kept her mind spinning. Sharing her history with him—and his acceptance of that history—had touched her, making her long for things that could never be. In a different world, a better one, they could mean more to each other than a few stolen moments.
With her past lovers, she’d been content with assignations that promised only physical pleasure. Those relationships had been temporary, nor had she wanted more from any of those men. They were pleasant enough, and skilled at fucking, but none of them desired learning who she truly was beyond that night’s amusement. In truth, there hadn’t been anything about any of them that made her crave something beyond their bodies. When it came time to part, she was as ready as they had been to end things.
With Owen, there was lust, and she enjoyed guiding him on his sexual journey. Watching him discover himself and being the lucky recipient of his developing erotic skill delighted her. Yet he kept revealing his hidden depths, the tenderness of his heart, and his burning need to do right.
The way he looked at her stole her breath. No one had ever regarded her with such care or respect. She wasn’t an object to desire, or something to be manipulated or used. Nor was she seen as a symbol of impossible virtue.