Confusion swells within me and tears burn my eyes. I don’t want to cry over that entitled prick. He doesn’t deserve a reaction from me but as the tears spill over, I accept that I can’t stop them, can’t stop myself from feeling when he constantly pushes me.
My hands tremble as I realize that I’m probably going to have to see him tomorrow… both of them. How am I supposed to look either of them in the eye and pretend like my entire world isn’t currently crumbling around my feet?
My back hits the wall and I slide down until my ass hits the floor.
The barely warm water continues to rain down on me until it turns icy cold, but still I remain curled up in a ball wishing the water would wash me away with it.
10
Zayn
“Where have you been?” comes from the kitchen the second I close the front door behind me.
My heart jumps into my throat and I feel like a naughty little boy again. I may have snuck out earlier but it wasn’t because I’m not allowed, more that I didn’t want to invite any questions about where I was going.
Turning left, I step through to join Mom where she’s sitting at the island with a glass of wine.
“I just went for a drive to clear my head.”
She nods in understanding.
Pulling open the refrigerator, I grab a can of soda and join her.
“I’m sorry, Zayn.”
“What for?”
She lets out of a long sigh. “For dragging you all into this thing between your dad and me.”
“It’s okay, you don’t—”
She cuts me off before I get to tell her that I understand. “It was never meant to end this way. I wanted a better life for all of us, I had no idea that he was going to act the way he did.”
“Mom,” I say, reaching out for her hand. “You don’t need to do this. His reactions aren’t your responsibility.”
“I know, but I see the look on your face every time you come back from that place and I hate it. I never wanted to build a life there, I certainly didn’t want to bring my kids up there. I had a plan, a plan for a better life but…”
“I know, Mom.” She’s told me this story before, and although I appreciate the truth, it doesn’t change anything. Our family is still broken, we’re here, he’s there and the three of us are in between the two of them like punching bags waiting for the next hit.
Mom was supposed to go to college, the first in her family, she was all ready to go and then she met Dad. They fell in love, she got pregnant with Letty and that was it. She ended up with the trailer park life that she’s always despised. Soon she had three young kids and no way out.
I remember the look that was always on her face when I was a kid. She was miserable. It didn’t take an expert to see that she was depressed but she was stuck in hell.
She was a good mom, she did everything she could for us, but it wasn’t enough for her.
We had no idea she’d somehow managed to start studying but when I found out, I was so proud of her. I still am now. She had a dream, a dream of a better life and she found a way to make it happen, something many people are never brave enough to do. She had no idea that Dad was going to kick off like he did and refuse to be a part of her future.
His decision still shreds her, I can see it in her eyes. As much as she likes to curse him out, I know she still loves him. Sadly, I think the two of them have just changed too much over the years, they want totally different things and I think it would take a miracle to ever fix it between them.
“Did you have a good time with your dad?” she asks after a few moments of silence.
“Uh… it was… fine.” She gives me a sad, knowing smile.
“I’ll never regret what I did. Seeing the three of you here, knowing that you have the world at your feet, it means everything to me.”
“I hate going back there,” I admit. “It’s so… depressing.”
“You don’t need to tell me that.”
“You’re amazing, Mom.”
A smile curls at her lips at my words. “Anything for my babies. Now, are you all ready for school tomorrow?”
“You know it.” I wink at her.
“Any college will be lucky to have you next year.” She squeezes my hand before I stand from the stool.
Now that I’ve turned my applications in, I’m trying not to think about it. I know my first choice, I want it so fucking badly, but I know that there’s nothing I can do now. I just have to sit and wait for that letter to drop through the door that’s going to decide my fate.
“Thanks, Mom.”
I leave her to it and head up the stairs. Music comes from Harley’s room and my hand twitches to knock, to find out if she’s still struggling with that math homework, but the memory of what I did tonight stops me.
She’ll never forgive me for going after Poppy after warning me to stay away. That’s just the problem though. I can’t. And knowing that she’s being tormented by that motherfucker makes me want to protect her even more.
My fists curl as I picture him standing before me looking like the fucking weak ass pussy that he is.
Harley was right, you can take the boy out of the trailer park, but the trailer park is always in the boy.
People around here might not see me as that, most of them don’t even know what my past consists of. All they care about is that I can play ball. They have no idea about the dark side of me I keep hidden. We might have left that place four years ago, but I’m not sure it’ll ever leave me. Especially when we keep getting dragged back. Just one more thing to look forward to once college starts, although the thought of Harley going alone into the pit of vultures scares the shit out of me.
My room feels cold and empty as I step inside and close the door behind me. I want to be back in her room, feel the heat of her skin, hear the soft moans she made as I worked her toward orgasm. But I know she was right to kick me out. I shouldn’t have even been there in the first place.
I pull my shirt over my head, her scent filling my nose as it moves, and I groan. I was so fucking hard for her as I gave her what she needed to escape. But that was just it, it was about her, not me, and I’ve walked away with the bluest balls known to man.
Dropping my pants, I crawl into bed, but her scent lingers and before I can stop myself, my fingers wrap around my length and I work myself to my own release with images of her laid out before me filling my mind.
I’m already worked up and on high alert before I even take a step into the school building the next morning.
My need to teach that fucker a lesson for whatever it was he did to her at the mall is almost all I can think about.
I scan the faces as I make my way down the hallway toward where her locker is. A few people try to stop me and a couple of the cheerleaders join me, clinging to my arms like they belong there. I don’t shake them off like I probably should. I figure that if my entire attention isn’t on that prick when my eyes land on him then it’s probably a good thing.
I don’t have to take too many more steps before he emerges in front of me with his little posse surrounding him.
He oozes entitlement and it makes my muscles pull tight in disgust. So what, daddy has a lot of money, it doesn’t stop him from being a total fucking asshole. He seems to think he’s untouchable, that daddy can cover up or buy off whatever shit he gets himself into, and to be fair, it might have worked up until now. But he’s not encountered me before and there is no way he can drop a few hundred bills to make me forget what he’s doing.