“Coffee?” Jada asks, turning to look at us, her face full of concern and sympathy when her eyes find mine.
“I’m... um... I’m going to go and lie down.”
Everyone watches me as I back out of the room. I can tell that both Jake and Zayn want to argue or demand they come with me. But I need to be alone. I need silence and solitude. I just need... I don’t really know what I need, but it’s not all of them looking at me with pity in their eyes.
Jake’s lips part but I cut him off before he says a word.
“I’m okay, really. I’m just exhausted.”
He nods and thankfully, allows me to walk out of the room.
It’s not until I’m at the top of the stairs that I hear their voices but although I can’t hear their words, my skin tingles with awareness knowing they’re talking about me.
My eyes lock on my bedroom door and I step toward it, knowing I’m going to find what I need inside, but when I get flush with Zayn’s room, my body takes on a life of its own and I reach out to open the door.
The second I slip inside, his scent hits me and I instantly feel better. I don’t know why I’ve come in here until I spot his jersey left in a pile on his chair. Walking over, I swipe it up and bring the fabric to my nose. I breathe him in deeply and allow myself to get lost in him despite the fact he’s not here with me.
Their voices filter through to me once more and I quickly dart for the door, not wanting to get caught snooping, not that I think Zayn would have an issue with finding me in his room.
I’ve seen the pain in his eyes while Jake’s supported me this afternoon. He wanted to be the one to hold me, to try to help me put the pieces back together. Finding me here right now would give him everything he wants.
But I can’t. I can’t allow myself to go there again. I need to stay strong. To remember the reasons why I sent him away last night.
What’s happened today doesn’t change anything. It can’t.
With his jersey held tight in my hand, I close his door once more and finally make my way down to the bathroom.
I rip Zayn’s hoodie from me, before stripping out of the rest of my ruined clothes. I don’t even look at my ripped bra. I don’t need more images in my head reminding me what he did. How he shamed me. Used me. Abused me.
Turning the shower on as hot as it’ll go, I step under the water, hoping it’ll wash the memories of his touch from my body along with the evidence he’s left that today really happened.
Once I’ve scrubbed every inch of my skin until it’s red and raw, I step out and wrap myself with the towel waiting for me.
I don’t want to look in the mirror. I don’t want to see what he did to me. But my need to clean everything away has me reaching for a wipe and gently cleaning the cuts and bruises he left me with.
Tears burn my eyes and emotions clogs my throat. My body wants me to break but I refuse to do so yet.
Dragging on Zayn’s jersey, I pad to my room, closing the door behind me and diving for the bed. I pull the covers back and slide under them, pulling them right up until I’m surrounded by darkness.
It’s then that the tears I’ve been holding inside me come.
I cover my mouth as I sob and allow my tears to soak the pillow beneath me.
The sound of the door opening sometime later drags me from my fitful sleep. It’s not until my brain starts to wake that I realize the images within it aren’t from a nightmare. Today really did happen.
“Hey, Sis. It’s just me.”
He can’t see me because I’m still totally cocooned under the duvet but my lips twitch up at the corners.
“How are you doing?”
The temptation to stay hidden and allow him to think I’m still sleeping is strong but I don’t. Feeling brave, I pull the sheets down a little until the cool air hits my face. I blink a couple of times, my eyes sore from crying until the blurry image of Jake sitting on the edge of the bed comes into view.
He’s still got deep frown lines on his brow and concern filling his eyes. I wish he could just look at me like this is any other normal day and that I didn’t almost die a few hours ago.
“Yeah, you know.”
He reaches out and brushes his hand over my hair.
“You’re so fucking brave, you know that?”
I shrug, I don’t think I did anything anyone wouldn’t have done today. There was nothing I could do other than be the pawn in his sick games.
“Amalie wanted to come and see you, but I said that you probably weren’t up for it. I hope that’s okay.”
I nod because he’s right. I’m really not up for it right now. “Just tell her that I’m okay.”
“I will.” He smiles down at me. “That photo you sent me before...” He trails off, not wanting to go there. “That was pretty epic.”
I have to wrack my brain for a few seconds to recall what he’s talking about. I can’t seem to think about anything that doesn’t involve being up on that roof.
The birth certificate.
I smile with him and it makes his eyes soften.
“I’m Poppy Thorn,” I whisper.
“You are. I still can’t believe it. Do you know how many times I wished I had a brother or sister over the years?”
I shake my head. I always assumed he was fine on his own.
“I’m so fucking glad it’s you.” He cups my cheeks, his eyes getting a little watery.
“She’s gone,” I blurt out, causing his brows to pull together. “She died today?”
“W-who did?”
“Poppy Poore. She’s done. She’s fed up of being the pawn in his games, of watching her back, of hiding.”
The smile that lights up his face makes my chest swell.
“When I walk out of this room tomorrow, I’m Poppy Thorn.”
“Hell yes, you are.”
“I’m going to get Jada to do whatever she needs to go to get my name changed, it shouldn’t be too hard seeing as it’s my actual name. I’m done with my past and allowing people to drag me down. It’s time for a fresh start.”
“That sounds like a plan, Popsicle. Can I ask you one question though?”
“Sure.”
“What are you going to do about Zayn?”
My breath catches at hearing his name. “Um...”
“I know, Pops.”
“You’re not angry?”
“Let’s just say I’m not overly thrilled, but I could never be angry with you.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing. I don’t need to do anything about him.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Positive. It was never meant to be anything more than a bit of fun.” Jake winces at my words but it’s the truth. Even now, I still find it hard to believe that the whole thing wasn’t a game or a joke to him. It sure started off that way.
“Do I need to remind him what happens when he messes with you?”
I can’t help but laugh at the serious look on his face. It feels good. “No, it’s okay. I’ll let you know if that changes though.”
“I’m going to let you rest and go home to attempt to convince Amalie that you’re okay. Call me if you need me, yeah?”