“I wish I could.” She gave a full-body shudder. “He sucked. But it was so awkward. Suddenly they were Puritans and giving us ‘The Talk’ about how inappropriate it would be to ‘engage in sexual activity’ in the family home. As if we didn’t masturbate there for years.”
Max snorted. “Very true.” He’d never dated anyone seriously enough to bring them home for a visit. But maybe Dad and Valerie’s house rules could be just what he and Jeremy needed to slow down. The choice about law school loomed, and even though he was very tempted to distract himself with Jeremy, was that fair?
“Like, what did they think was going to happen? I was going to go down on Craig at the dinner table post-turkey and pre-pumpkin pie?”
“You do enjoy a palate cleanser.”
“Let’s just say I would have had plenty of room for dessert.”
“Oof. Savage.” Max’s mind whirled. “But yeah, Jeremy and I are just friends.” Though he had to admit he could already envision more between them. He could see them in a real relationship.
But was that the lust talking? Was that his desperation to focus on something shiny and new instead of dealing with the life-changing choice he had to make? The last thing he wanted to do was lead Jeremy on.
At a stoplight, Meg tapped her phone, and Max struggled to corral his thoughts. Maybe the responsible plan would be to cool things down between them while making sure Jeremy wouldn’t be alone over the holidays. He wanted to make sure Jeremy didn’t feel pressured, so it would be good for them have a breather over Christmas. Just be friends and not get in too deep.
So to speak.
What was the harm in extending the invite? Jeremy might say no, but Max would be eaten alive by guilt if he didn’t at least ask. The thought of him stuck in the empty dorm for weeks made Max’s stomach swoop with nausea, his chest going hollow with a horrible ache. It would be so lonely.
Jeremy was simply too good to be lonely like that.
“I’m going to ask him.”
“Cool.” Meg frowned as she put away her phone. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She took his arm with her rainbow mitt. “LSATs?”
“No. They’re taking their sweet time.” He stopped on the sidewalk before the building housing Meg’s exam. “Break a clavicle.”
Meg waved, grinning at their old joke, which had come about when he’d told her to break a leg before playing in a school concert and she’d tripped backstage and cracked her violin and collarbone.
Max wandered the campus, walking salted paths and passing the spot where Jeremy had wiped out. When Max had leaned over him, his first thought had been that even in the darkness, Jeremy was a beautiful boy.
He realized he was grinning like a fool to himself as he strolled. Man, when was the last time he’d been so into a guy? He honestly couldn’t remember it ever being quite this intense. Was this deflection?
Max headed up toward Bloor, mind still gnawing over the issue. Okay, he’d decided to invite Jeremy for the holidays. That part of the plan was settled. And even though Max had surprisingly strong feelings for him, it was clearly far too soon to introduce Jeremy to his family as a boyfriend or anything so official.
Since he’d never actually brought anyone he was seeing home for so much as dinner, let alone weeks at Christmas, his dad and Valerie would undoubtedly be embarrassing about it. Max cringed. They’d mean well, but their enthusiasm could be a lot. If Jeremy agreed to come, they should definitely hit pause on messing around. It would be much easier for everyone to simply be friends.
Besides, Max had a ton on his plate with deciding about law school. He’d been in limbo waiting for the results, but even if they came in before Christmas, he should take the holidays to really consider it. He’d worked toward law school for almost as long as he could remember, and he had to figure out what he was doing one way or the other before he threw even more of a wrench into the plan. Even if the Jeremy-shaped wrench was so damn kissable…
This made sense, right? He jogged across Bloor as the walk signal counted down. Hit pause on sex over the holidays and just be friends. In January, they could re-evaluate.
Besides, Jeremy was a frosh. This was his time to be experimenting and having fun. He might want to date around. Why shouldn’t he now that Max had hopefully given him some confidence and helped him rip off the Band-Aid? It would be selfish to stand in the way, no matter how much he gritted his teeth at the thought of Jeremy with another guy. That wasn’t his call.
If they went home to the farm for Christmas strictly as friends, it would be the perfect time to put on the brakes so they could both take a step back. It made sense to take a breather, didn’t it? This snowball was careening downhill way too fast.
Sure, it was a rush knowing he was the first to touch Jeremy, but it was more than that. That Jeremy felt safe with him satisfied Max in a way he hadn’t known he craved. It was addictive, and he had to make sure he didn’t get ahead of himself and end up hurting Jeremy somehow. He was the older, experienced one. He had to be sure he did the right thing.
First times were intense and setting boundaries would be best for both of them. This way, Jeremy wouldn’t be alone, Max could get his head on straight, and they’d have a nice, wholesome family Christmas on the farm.
He reached home and sat on a rusty deckchair on the porch, wanting to get this done, his thumbs flying.
Hey. Hope studying is going well. Don’t want to bug you, but I had an idea. Do you want to come home to Pinevale with me for the holidays? I’d be pretty bummed hanging on campus alone in your shoes. Or new boots.
He paused and re-read, deleting the weak boot joke before continuing.
No pressure or anything. If you want to come, it’s probably best to hit pause on sex stuff until January. My dad and Valerie are old-fashioned and have dumb rules. And we just met, so it’s not like we’re a couple at this point. Is it cool with you to take a breather on messing around? We shouldn’t rush into anything anyway.
Taking a deep breath, he sent it. Then waited. And waited. And waited.
Shivering, he was just about to give up and escape inside when the reply bubbles wobbled. To his surprise, his heart raced. He really, really wanted Jeremy to say yes. And maybe this was partly a distraction from his law school conundrum, but he loved the idea of spending as much time with Jeremy as possible.
The bubbles appeared and disappeared, appeared and disappeared. Then nothing. Max paced the creaky porch. Maybe Jeremy had gotten distracted. Or maybe he wasn’t sure what to say. It definitely fit his MO to overthink a response. Max almost sent another message saying: Just a yes or no will do the trick, dude. He smiled, imagining Jeremy overthinking that text too.
Then the response came:
Hey! Are you sure? That would be awesome if it’s okay with your family. I don’t want to impose. Re: taking a break with the other stuff until January, that makes sense. Totally cool with me!
Max frowned. He didn’t want Jeremy to be too cool with taking a break. Then he groaned aloud, muttering, “This is what you wanted, Maxwell. This is the new plan.” He typed back:
Cool. I’ll get you a bus ticket for Thursday morning and you can pay me back whenever. Now get back to studying. I’ll text you the details. Crush that last exam, Cherry.