It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
He’d known Jeremy barely a week. It should be easier to hit the pause button. He’d had casual sex before. He’d had friends-with-benefits arrangements that had come and gone for whatever reason.
He hadn’t struggled with the kind of desire that had been simmering all day being with Jeremy, threatening to boil over. It wasn’t just that he wanted to suck and fuck. He wanted to hold Jeremy and feel him close. He could kiss him for hours, teasing out sweet little whimpers…
He wanted Jeremy to take off his seatbelt and slide across the bench seat to tuck up under his arm. He’d gotten it in his head that Jeremy smelled and tasted like cherries, which was obviously not true. He even knew it for a fact, but he longed for it anyway. He wanted to make Jeremy smile—which was totally something he was allowed to do.
The problem was that Jeremy’s smile made Max want to lean over and catch his mouth in a kiss.
He had to admit he really liked that he was the only guy Jeremy had ever kissed. Although for all he knew, he wasn’t anymore. Jeremy might have gone out last night and hooked up. He might have gone on the app and invited some rando to his room. It was none of Max’s business.
“You okay?” Jeremy asked.
Max realized he was gripping the steering wheel like it was about to be ripped from his hands. He forced a laugh and unclenched. “Yep. Thought there was a patch of ice.”
After another minute of silence, the radio station transitioning to Led Zeppelin, Jeremy said, “Your family’s great. And I’m not sure I’ve seen a house more Christmassy in my life.”
Max laughed. “I did warn you.”
“You did,” Jeremy agreed with a smile. “So what’s the story with the guys who run this Christmas tree farm?”
“Nick Spini and his ‘young lover’ were quite the scandal a few years back. Not only an age difference, but Nick is a total daddy. Like, a kinky daddy. As Meg said, they’re both hot. Tongues were wagging, but Pinevale’s also the most boring place ever, so it was the first exciting thing that happened since a Boston Pizza opened.”
“People are okay with them being gay?”
“Yep. I’m sure there are some people secretly disapproving because they’re joyless dipshits, but the farm has done better than ever since Hunter moved in and ramped up the marketing and stuff. Nick was alone for a long time after his partner died, out there with his dog hiding from the world.”
“Wow. That’s so sad. How did they meet?”
Max grinned. “Nick got roped into playing Santa at the old mall, and Hunter was his elf. Not gonna lie, my imagination went pretty wild on that one. I bet it was naughty and damn nice.”
Jeremy looked a little scandalized, which was adorable. He laughed. “That’s…yeah, that’s…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Kinda hot.”
Max tore his eyes back to the road. “Anyway, they seem really happy.”
“That’s great.” Jeremy pulled his phone from his pocket as it vibrated with a low buzz and sucked in a little breath when he looked at the screen.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. My dad texted from a port. I guess it’s the first time they’ve had a signal. Just checking in and saying they’re having a good time.”
“Right. Very…civil.”
Jeremy was quiet, and from the corner of his eye, Max watched him staring at the message. Max turned down the screeching guitar on the radio. “Sorry. You okay?”
After a long exhale, Jeremy said, “Yeah. It is, though. Civil. Polite. Not like my parents would ever be rude—they hate that. But I looked at that text and part of me was hoping it would say they love me the way I am and everything’ll be okay. That everything will go back to normal. I—”
Jeremy broke off and stared out the window, his knee jiggling as he fidgeted. “Part of me was relieved they went on this cruise because it took me going home for Christmas out of the equation. Because I’m afraid they would have told me not to come.”
Max gripped the steering wheel again as he slowed for the tree farm. He had a lot of choice words for the Rourkes, but he wouldn’t do Jeremy any favors by calling his parents selfish assholes. That would make Max feel better, but this wasn’t about him. He asked, “What about summer?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. I assume I’m going home, but I guess I could register for a couple of classes and stay on campus. Assuming they’ll still be paying my tuition and res. Or I’ll have to get a loan.” He shifted restlessly. “That’ll be a lot of debt.”
It was like Max could see the anxiety gathering force like a tornado about to touch down. “Don’t think about that right now. Valerie would tell you not to borrow trouble, and she’s right. Whatever happens, you’ll figure it out. For now, your dad texted you and that means he was thinking about you. So you should reply. Focus on what you can control right now. You don’t know exactly what the other team’s strategy is, so think about yours.”
“Are you going to start talking about touchdowns and tackles?”
Max laughed as he turned into the drive, passing under a huge banner advertising the holiday open house. “I might!” He was relieved to see a little smile tugging on Jeremy’s lips. “We have to take this one game at a time. Leave it all on the field.”
“Give a hundred and ten percent?”
“Now you’re getting it. There are no easy games at this level. Put pressure on the defense. Make plays on both sides of the ball. Go out there and execute.”
“Aye-aye, captain.” Jeremy gave him a salute.
Max saluted back and they burst out laughing. He navigated the winding, snow-covered drive. The snowbanks here from the plow were even higher than at home. “You want help with what to text back?”
“I’m just going to go with a ‘Have fun! I’m at a Christmas tree farm.’ Then send a pic?”
“I like it. Show them you’re not sitting around feeling ashamed of yourself, waiting for their crumbs. There’s a great spot where you can see the trees into the distance. I’m sure Nick won’t mind.”
“Awesome.”
They reached the farm and parked. Ella the beagle raced over to investigate, snow flying up from her paws. She reached Jeremy first, and he crouched, murmuring a greeting as her tail wagged violently.
Jeremy started petting the dog, and damn if Max didn’t want to pet him. Jeremy’s toque was still in the truck, and his ginger hair was gorgeous. Max looked down at his head, fingers itching to comb through.
“Ignore her!” Nick called, striding over from the barn past the rustic chalet house with big windows. Both the barn and house were decorated for the holidays with fresh garlands and wreaths and tons of lights. Max bit back a laugh as Nick got closer. Nick wore his typical plaid work wear—plus an extremely uncharacteristic pink toque with a wobbling pom-pom.
Hunter came out of the house, zipping up his jacket and pulling a hat over his blond hair. “Why would they ignore the cutest dog in the world?”
Nick looked like he wanted to argue—which seemed to be his usual expression in Max’s limited experience—but grunted. He extended his hand to Max, and damn, he really was a big daddy lumberjack. Max was pretty big himself, but Nick had this intimidating aura. Even with the hat.