“I’m great!” His voice was far too high and reedy.
Valerie appeared in the doorway, concern obvious on her face. “Really? I feel awful.”
“Honestly, I’m totally okay. Are we going to watch the rest of the movie?”
“Absolutely. John’s stirring the hot chocolate.” She beckoned him. “Let’s get comfy.”
Fortunately, he’d gotten his body under control. Max joined them wearing his own PJs and fresh socks, and Valerie took his cheek and gave him a kiss. She squeezed Jeremy in a half hug, and they trooped downstairs.
Curled up on the love seat again, Jeremy sipped his milky, perfectly sweet hot chocolate next to Max—so close, but so, so far away.
Chapter Ten
The email notification appeared at the top of the screen, hovering there for a few seconds before disappearing. Max’s thumbs froze, his text to Honey half-finished.
LSAT results. This was it.
Squinting in the sunshine of a cold and crisp day that was perfect for the open house, Max slid his aviators back on and finished the text quickly before putting his phone away. Standing by the long narrow planter they’d set on two tables across from the barn, he packed down clean snow with a pair of nylon mitts fresh from the dryer.
Soon, kids would be lining up for maple taffy made by pouring hot syrup on the snow, but right now, Max’s head spun. The doubts he’d been muffling—smothering—for months were finding their voice. Did he really want to be a lawyer?
“Just look at the results,” he muttered as he dumped another bucket of snow into the planter and packed it down. He was breathing hard for no good reason, the clouds of his breath puffing in and out.
He had to talk about this. It was like the words were climbing his throat and fighting to get out.
Meg was arranging hay bales in the back of the big wagon a neighbor had lent for the day for tours along the service roads through the maple bush. He could go over and spill everything knowing she wouldn’t sugar-coat her opinion. But as much as he loved his sister, he didn’t know if he could handle her honesty right now.
Papy was communing with the borrowed horses who would pull the wagon, and Max didn’t want to bug him. Dad and Valerie bustled around the barn, its doors opened wide. He knew they’d be understanding, even though he was afraid of disappointing his dad. But was he ready to tell them? For fuck’s sake, he didn’t even know what he was telling them. And the open house was starting any minute.
Outside the barn, Jeremy poured syrup samples into tiny paper cups not much bigger than thimbles, setting them in neat rows on a table. It looked like he had them organized by variety, from the lightest to darkest, adjusting the cups by fractions so the rows were exact. He wore his new green toque and parka, and even from a distance, Max could see his cheeks were pink from the cold.
It was only when Jeremy glanced up and did a double take that Max realized he was staring across the wide parking area. That he was watching Jeremy organize with a big, dumb smile on his face. This was who he wanted to talk to. The knot of tension in his gut loosened.
Tentatively, Jeremy smiled back and gave him a little wave. Max beckoned him, meeting him halfway. “Can you help me get something from the house?”
“Sure.” Jeremy fell into step beside him. “It’s a perfect day, huh? The fresh snow last night looks amazing on the trees. Reminds me of Whistler, without the mountains. And it’s mostly maple trees, so not really like Whistler at all. It’s just the only place I’ve seen this much snow, I guess.”
“Makes sense.” Max had spent all morning trying not to think about kissing him—or dropping to his knees the way he had last night—but Jeremy was so cute when he talked like that, words tumbling out.
“The kids must love it. Lots of snowmen and stuff.”
“It’s not great packing snow right now—needs to be a little wetter. But yeah, when I was a kid, I still loved it. Any kind of snow can be shoved down your sister’s collar.”
Jeremy laughed. “I guess that’s a brother’s job.” His smile flickered.
“You must miss Sean.”
“Yeah.” He shrugged tightly. “But it looks like he’s having fun.” He pulled out his phone and displayed a picture of his brother grinning at the railing of a cruise ship. “My dad sent it. We’re sending pictures back and forth now. Hopefully that’s a good sign.”
“Definitely. It’s progress.” Max took the steps onto the covered porch, stamping his boots. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Jeremy with his shit. Jeremy had enough of his own. For all Max knew, he was busy texting Levi. He didn’t need to deal with Max’s not-even-quarter-life crisis.
“Are you going to see that guy again today?” Max kept his gaze down as he kicked the brick by the door. It didn’t bother him. Well, it shouldn’t bother him was more accurate.
Last night when Jeremy had slipped on the ice, Max had wanted to scoop him into his arms and not let go. He’d barely been able to control himself when Jeremy’s hard-on had tented his boxer briefs. He could imagine the smooth curve of his dick springing up from ginger hair and had burned to swallow Jeremy to the root. Not just to satisfy his own lust, but to give comfort and release. To see Jeremy smile and hear him gasp and give him pleasure.
He realized Jeremy was taking a long time to answer and was about to apologize for being nosy. Max should focus on his own problems and stop interfering with Jeremy’s. Not that having a guy interested was a problem. Max was supposed to be happy for him.
“I guess so?” Jeremy said. “He made it seem like he was going to come. Should I text him and confirm?”
“Nah. Don’t want to look too eager.” As soon as the words were out, Max cringed internally. That was bad advice. This wasn’t how fairy godfathers were supposed to operate. Or friends, for that matter. He said, “But if you like him, you should text. Playing it cool has a time and a place, but there’s nothing wrong with showing someone you’re into them. Go for it.”
“Well, he said he was coming, so I don’t want to seem pushy. He’s nice, but…”
Max was far too happy about that but. “No pressure, man.” He pushed open the door, the bells on the wreath ringing merrily. They pulled off their boots, gloves, and hats, but kept their coats on. Now Max had to either spit it out or make up some excuse for bringing Jeremy to the house.
Jeremy looked to him expectantly. Max’s phone felt like it was burning a hole in his jeans pocket now. “I, um…”
Ginger brows meeting, Jeremy asked, “Are you okay?” He only lightly touched Max’s arm though his puffy coat, yet it still sent sparks to Max’s dick. He realized this was the first guy he’d dated that had ever had this effect on him. He felt drunk with it.
Except we’re not dating because I’m an idiot.
“Max?”
“Yeah. I don’t know. I mean, yes. I’m fine.”
His mind sputtered, ping-ponging between the LSAT results and the urge to sweep Jeremy into his arms and kiss him like nothing else mattered. Except he wasn’t supposed to feel this strongly this fast.
He’d liked guys before. Had dated guys before. He’d never felt so out of control. This was exactly why he’d put on the brakes. The snowball hurtling downhill needed to slow its roll. He had enough to deal with.