“The culmination of every bad decision I’ve made in my life finally coming to a head,” I tell him. My heart hurts as I tell him this. Drew is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.
“Wow.” His face is contorted with hurt.
“Not you,” I tell him. “Except that, in a way, it all ends with you.” Silence fills the space between us for a moment.
He sighs. “I guess I don’t understand.”
“I can’t get involved with you, Drew. I can’t pull you into the mess that is my life. I have to keep my focus and you’re a distraction.” I pause and take another sip of coffee. “This ends today,” I finally say, my voice breaking.
I pull my knees to my chest, feeling vulnerable under the weight of his stare. His eyes are impenetrable, a brick wall.
He takes a deep breath and reaches for my hand, pulling it into both of his. “This doesn’t end today.” His voice is quiet but firm, confident. “We’re a team, Gracie. I know all of this is new for both of us, but two are stronger than one. I believe in us. Whether it’s at work with our clients or out of the office. Whatever it is you need to work on, I’ll be by your side to help you through it. I’ve never met anyone like you and I’m not ready to let you go, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out—together.” He pulls my hand to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss to my palm. “So you take all the time you need in this tub. Soak your worries away, relax your mind, but when you get out, you’re going to tell me what we’re up against and we’re going to make a plan.”
And in this moment, I fall a little more in love with Andrew McPherson.
Nine
I pace the living room floor in the suite as I wait for Gracie to finish her bath. She’s been in there for an hour. I’ve never been good at patience. While I want to give her privacy, I’m anxious as hell to find out what had her on the edge of a goddamn nervous breakdown last night. My mind is running wild with possible reasons. I don’t understand what has her wound so tightly and afraid of getting close to me.
She sure as hell isn’t walking away from me without a really good explanation, and there is basically nothing that I can’t fix. So it’s settled, in my mind at least. She’s not going anywhere. It was only three days ago that I met her and now I can’t imagine not having her in my life.
I shake off those thoughts when Gracie finally emerges from the bedroom a few minutes later. She’s wrapped in an oversized plush robe and her long, wet hair hangs down over her shoulders. Her cheeks are flushed pink from the hot bath, but she looks remarkably calmer than I expected.
She sits down in the corner of the sectional, tucking her long legs underneath her and then she pulls a throw pillow into her lap. It’s a defense mechanism, a barrier between us, a safety net.
I sit down right next to her and pull her hand into mine before she takes a deep breath and looks at me. Her eyes carry so much pain yet so much strength. Whatever she tells me, we’ll figure this out. I refuse to abandon her.
“This is a long story, so bear with me, okay?”
I nod my head and give her my undivided attention.
Her eyes drop from mine to the pillow in her lap. “I have to go way back to give you a better understanding of where some of this started.” She tugs at a loose thread on the pillow in her lap, twirling it around the tip of her finger. She’s nervous and I can’t help but notice the slight hitch in her voice. “My dad died in a car accident with his parents, my grandparents, when I was only a few months old. My parents were high school sweethearts, only eighteen when I was born.”
She stops, clears her throat, and I give her hand a small, encouraging squeeze, urging her to continue. I tell myself I will refrain from commenting or asking questions until she’s done.
She looks away from me and out the large window of the hotel room. “My mom grew up in the foster care system from the time she was very young. She doesn’t remember her parents or if she had any siblings. Her foster parents were decent people—they fed her, clothed her, but’s that’s about all they did. She was a paycheck to them. When she turned eighteen, she aged out of the system and she was no longer of any use to them.
“My dad was the only person my mother ever trusted, and they were head over heels in love with each other. They were high school sweethearts, starting dating their sophomore year of high school and totally in love by their senior year when she found out she was pregnant. By the time she realized she was pregnant, she had already phased out of the foster program and was on her own. She had no one other than my father, who was only eighteen years old himself. They graduated high school, then she and my dad got a small apartment together. My dad worked as a ranch hand to make money while my mom took some classes at the community college and worked at a grocery store.”
She pulls her hand from mine and rubs her temples. I can see this is painful for her to talk about. “As you can imagine, they were young, working awful jobs just trying to pay their rent and survive. When I was born, my mom didn’t work. They couldn’t afford childcare and that left the burden of financial responsibilities on my father. From what my mom tells me, he was a good man, but still a kid. He worked hard and loved both of us, but times were hard for them. His parents had wanted him to go away to college. They said that my mom and I could live with them and they’d help us while he went to college and got a degree. He was adamant he wouldn’t leave us, but even my mom felt that it might be the best thing for all of us, for the long term. She knew they’d end up working dead end jobs for the rest of their lives and this was a good opportunity for my dad to get a leg up. She was willing to sacrifice having him with us, so that he could do better for us.”
Gracie pauses and takes a deep breath. I can tell this is extremely hard for her to talk about. Her voice is soft as she continues to tell their story. “She convinced him to go, so he left for college that next fall. He told my mom he wanted to get a degree in accounting, work for a few years to get experience, then open a small firm in Antelope Hills where he was born and raised. When he left for school, we moved in with my grandparents and they helped take care of me so my mom could still work a few days to help pay for diapers and formula. They gave us a free roof over our heads and watched me a couple of days a week. I don’t think they were particularly happy with the situation, but they did their best to support my mom and dad in the ways they could or would.”
She hesitates for a moment and takes a deep breath. I see her chin quiver as she begins and I know this is where things take a turn. “All was fine until my grandparents left to get my dad for Christmas break. On the way back from Missoula, they hit a patch of black ice on the interstate and their car rolled six or seven times, killing all of them.”
I stroke the top of her hand with my thumb as I struggle with the weight of what she’s just told me. Tears that have built in her eyes slowly fall as she continues.
“Obviously, I was a baby, so I had no idea any of this happened, but that night set off a series of unfortunate events for me and my mom. We were suddenly on our own. We jumped from apartment to apartment. She worked odd jobs to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. My mom and dad weren’t married, so she wasn’t entitled to anything financially, and honestly, they didn’t have much anyway. Suddenly, we had no one. From that day on, it’s always been just me and my mom.”