“I shouldn’t have a problem,” she said. “But I’m going to get myself a glass of water first. You think there’s still some in the reserve tank?”
“There should be plenty for a glass or two.”
Josie padded to the kitchen in bare feet. The storm had eased up but the large window above the sink remained streaked with wet, slithering trails and the sprinkling on the roof continued, just less furiously than before. She collected a glass from the cupboard and filled it halfway with tap water. Sleeping by the fire had parched her, but waking up to that vision did her in.
When she came back into the living room, Seth was next to the couch, the quilt held in his hands off to the side like a red cape in a matador’s grip.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to tuck you in,” he said matter-of-factly.
She lowered onto the couch, but gave him a cautious look. “You don’t have to—”
“I woke you up.” He placed the blanket over her gently, then leaned in. “It’s only right that I help you get back to sleep.”
Yeah, that wasn’t going to help Josie sleep at all. His chest muscles flexed as he jammed the fabric under the cushions and then he came over Josie to tuck them into the back portion of the couch, too. Josie felt like a mummy, her arms pinned at her sides like a constrictive straightjacket.
“How’s that?”
“A little tight,” she admitted with a grunt.
He let out a low laugh and if his stomach wasn’t impressive enough already, that reaction only defined every single muscle. Josie was not one to objectify another person, but having Seth this close looking this way did weird things to her resolve.
She flopped a little to untuck the blanket and breathed out once her arms were free. Then she sat upright.
“Sorry,” Seth apologized. “I’m new to this.”
“New to tucking someone in for bed?”
“New to all of it.”
Josie didn’t know why or how, but something between them shifted, like the change in the atmosphere’s energy before tonight’s thunderstorm. They stared at one another for a few wordless, breathless moments. Her head felt woefully low on oxygen, like she just might pass out so she sucked in a lungful of air but it still wasn’t enough.
“Josie, my heart is totally racing.” He finally split the silence in a voice that almost trembled. “I told you we had chemistry.” He sunk to his knees in front of the couch. “That’s how I respond to you. That’s what you do to me. You make my heart feel like it’s going to jump right out of my chest.”
“Seth.”
His hands came down onto the sofa, one on either side of her legs. He pressed his palms deeply into the cushions and raised his eyes to hers. “Is it crazy if I ask to kiss you?”
Her head shook like a twitch; nervous, unsure, and tense. “I really don’t expect you to take this whole fake dating thing that far, Seth. There’s no one here to fool.”
“Me wanting to kiss you isn’t fake.” He moved an inch closer. She could see his throat pull tight with a swallow and the groove between his eyebrows deepened. “And I’m glad there’s no one here other than us right now.”
What was happening? This had to be a dream. Josie almost pinched the skin on her arm, just to see if she was, in fact, still asleep. But there was another way to figure that out…
She withdrew her hand from beneath the quilt and placed it onto Seth’s chest, right over the heart he’d confessed was already pounding. He wasn’t lying. She could feel it thumping erratically under her palm, this unsteady beat that still somehow matched her own. He hissed out a harsh breath and shut his eyes at the contact.
She wanted to touch him with her other hand, grip his shoulders and yank him toward her. Kiss him fiercely and thoroughly. But her cast was clunky and her movements unavoidably awkward. Instead, she just sat further back on the couch, her confidence faltering by the second.
“Do you feel it?” he asked.
She felt all sorts of things, none of which made any remote sort of sense. The haze of night didn’t help with that, either. Judgment wasn’t always at its best during late, mind-blurry hours like these. “It’s late and we’re tired. We probably shouldn’t do anything we’ll regret come sunrise.”
“It’s not like I’m drunk, Josie.” He sat back on his haunches and leveled his gaze right at her. “I’m completely aware of what I’m saying.”
“I know that. I just don’t want you to wake up in the morning and wish you hadn’t kissed me. If we were to kiss, that is. Which I think we can both agree we probably shouldn’t.”
All hope disintegrated from Seth’s expression. He sagged against the coffee table and gave a slow nod of understanding. “If I wake up with regret, it wouldn’t be from kissing you. It would be because I had to go and be an idiot and mess everything up.”
“You haven’t messed anything up, Seth. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page about this fake relationship. I don’t want to complicate things and I think kissing would do exactly that.”
He smiled, but there wasn’t any sincerity in it. “Fake. Hmm. You know? I’m starting to really dislike that word.”
Josie didn’t like it, either. Not even a little. Her words may have sounded like they were said to protect Seth, but when it came down to it, it was her heart she was trying to shield. If she admitted she reciprocated his feelings, then what? She played out every scenario and they all resulted in the inevitable heartbreak she just couldn’t risk. She wanted so badly to stay whole.
“I’m not saying I don’t want to—”
“It’s really okay, Josie. You don’t owe me any explanation.” The disappointment dissolved from his face, replaced with a tender, affectionate smile that would’ve made her knees turn to mush had she not already been sitting. “I think maybe I’ve been reading things wrong lately.” He clambered to his feet and gave her one last look that made her heart physically ache. “Get some sleep, Josie. I’ll see you in the morning.”
17
Seth
You’re an idiot.
Seth’s subconscious didn’t mince words. But it was right. He was an idiot. An epically grand one.
How had he read things so wrong? He always thought he had a decent understanding of women, but Josie was quickly becoming a real challenge to interpret. Either that, or she was the world’s greatest actress, which he couldn’t fault her for one bit. That’s exactly what they had agreed to, after all. To play the part.
Seth rolled onto his back, exhaled, and stared up at the paneled ceiling that was in need of a good painting. Rain continued to patter above. The lull in the storm hadn’t lasted long. Just an hour ago, it picked back up, pummeling the gutters outside his bedroom window with the sound of BB’s shooting through an old, tin can. He contemplated shoving earplugs in to muffle the noise, but if Josie had needed him, he wouldn’t be able to hear her.
But she wouldn’t need him. Josie was self-reliant and he appreciated that. Maybe if she could just rely on him a little bit when it came to taking a chance on her feelings. Was it even okay for him to want that? He had no right to any part of her, least of all her heart.