“There is no way you could have anticipated the outcome, D. You have to know that. You guys were doing your job. No one can fault you for that,” I say, trying once more to offer some comforting words.
“We didn’t wait. We couldn’t wait. Those shitbags had two underage girls they were taking with them. We couldn’t wait.” Deacon’s voice is a whisper, and his words confuse me. Releasing my hold, I sit back to stare at my brother and wait for him to continue.
“Wait for what? Backup?” He needs to clarify what his last statement means. “Deacon, please tell me you guys didn’t cowboy up?” I hate asking that question, but if that is what they did, this could be bad—really bad.
13
Deacon
The cat is out of the bag, as the saying goes. Why stop now?
“We didn’t wait for a warrant or our team. We were afraid the window to apprehend our suspects was closing, and we would lose those fuckers and the girls they were planning to traffic. Brit, we were in my truck and wearing our street clothes. Go and look at the front panel of my truck. There are bullet holes. I don’t even know how this fuckin’ thing started or if it will start again. It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s going to the yard as evidence.”
The parking lot light is two cars over from my truck. As I stare out the passenger side window, my sister’s reflection speaks louder than any words she could say right now. Shock, anger, sadness, confusion—it’s all there, as clear as the night sky.
I can handle disappointing other people. Hell, I can handle disappointing my parents. But Brit, my sister and best friend, is someone I never want to disappoint. I’m her big brother who protects her. Fucking up this royally at work, in a position of authority, is only going to put doubt in her mind. What we did was beyond stupid. What we did got six people killed and two left in critical condition. There is no coming back from this, not mentally, not career-wise.
Britney’s cell phone rings, breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence.
“Syd, is he out of surgery?” Britney’s words come out in one quick breath. “Okay. We’ll be right up.” She hangs up the phone and turns toward me. “Deacon, I know you’re punishing yourself right now and you feel like all is lost, but until you go through whatever the next steps are following something like this, stop. Stop punishing yourself, because Kade needs you. Do you hear me?” Her eyes stay fixed on me while she waits for my response. “I love you, big brother. Nothing will ever change that.” Her words are like a knife twisting in my heart. What Kade and I did was reckless. “Nod or something, D. Let me know you’re hearing me because we need to get back upstairs.”
Finally, I tell her I hear her, and I swing open my door, barely missing the car next to mine. Jumping out of the truck, I slam the door shut and wait for Britney around front. When she passes the front corner panel, she stops, staring in disbelief, so I walk over to her. She’s running her fingers over the blemished metal, moving between each bullet hole, circling them, studying them. Britney’s eyes close, and tears begin to stream down her cheeks.
“Brit?” I take the last two steps in her direction and secure my sister in my arms. “Are you okay?”
“If bullets could penetrate metal like this.” She pulls away and points to a hole. “I can only imagine what it could have done to you and what it has done to Kade.” Britney steps toward me, wrapping her arms around me as I wrap mine around her shoulders. When I feel her body shake as she silently cries, I can’t stop myself from joining her.
“Brit,” a male voice booms across the parking lot. “The doctor needs to speak with Deacon since Kade’s parents aren’t here.” Releasing each other, we turn our attention toward the voice to find Grant standing under the overhang to the entrance of the hospital.
“Coming,” Britney calls back. “Where are Kade’s parents?” she asks as we jog the short distance back to the hospital.
“Vacation in Singapore. I left Beth a voicemail to call me. I didn’t leave any details,” I answer my sister’s question.
We are slightly winded when we make it back inside the hospital and up to the third floor, where everyone is waiting to hear an update on Kade’s condition. Passing through what appears to be more people than when Britney and I went outside, I finally reach the nurses’ station where the surgeon is waiting for me.
“I’m Deacon Winslow, ma’am. I’m Kade’s longtime best friend and partner at LPPD.”
“Deacon, I’m Dr. Robinson. Do you want to talk out here or in private?” the doctor asks.
“Privately.” Britney steps up, answering the doctor’s question.
“And you are?” Dr. Robinson’s attention is now on my sister.
“I’m sorry. I’m Britney Winslow. Deacon’s sister.”
“And Kade’s girlfriend,” I add without thinking. My sister’s smart. She doesn’t even bat an eye at my declaration.
“Right this way.” The doctor turns on her heels and escorts us down the corridor, far enough to be out of earshot. Usually, a doctor would speak with us in the waiting room, but much like the hallway, the waiting room is overflowing with law enforcement and members of the LP fire department standing shoulder to shoulder.
“Officer Beaumont is a fortunate young man. Most GSWs where the heart is concerned are fatal. The bullet that hit Officer Beaumont grazed his left ventricle, which has a thicker wall than the right ventricle. He’s in ICU for now, but we expect him to recover fully.”
Reaching out, I grab the doctor’s hand, vigorously shaking it and thanking her repeatedly for saving my best friend.
“Woah, there cowboy. These hands still need to operate.” Dr. Robinson’s sobriquet of choice sucks the air out of my lungs. I drop her hand and stumble toward the wall, trying to stay upright. Britney tries to catch me before I go down, but I collapse and take her down with me. My head makes a thudding sound when it slams against the hard linoleum floor, my ears begin to ring, and when I attempt to sit up, my sister’s and Dr. Robinson’s voices start to fade away until they are gone.
My head is throbbing as if I went on a bender. It takes a few minutes before I can fully open my eyes and take in my surroundings. Movement close to my feet catches my attention. Straining my neck to look down that direction, I see my mom sitting in a visitor’s chair, leaning forward with her head resting on the bed and her hand holding my shin. Yesterday did happen.
Looking around the rest of my room, I don’t see any sign of my dad or Britney. I have to pee, but I don’t want to disturb my mom. Even as she sleeps, she looks exhausted. Fuck it.
“Mom,” I say with a hushed tone, trying not to frighten her. “Mom,” I repeat a little louder with a wiggle of my left leg. Her eyes slowly open, but when she notices I’m awake, Mom sits upright quickly.
“Deacon, honey, you’re awake. Let me get the nurse.” My mom stands, but before she can walk away, I stop her.
“I have a call button, Mom. How’s Kade?” Abandoning the fact that I need to use the bathroom, I need to know how my partner is doing first. Mom turns back to face me with a somber look in her eyes.