Just rip it off like a Band-Aid.
23
Deacon
Much like the dinner my mother prepared last night, Britney goes all out, cooking enough breakfast for an army. The kitchen island is crowded with platters of ham, bacon, sausage, country potatoes, homemade biscuits, eggs, French press coffee, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Seriously, I don’t know who all she plans to feed this morning, but I do know that Kade and I will put a dent in the feast laid out before us.
A loud knock at the front door distracts us from the meal. Without a pause, it swings open and in saunters Sydnee, uninvited. Sydnee is stunning, and her presence commands the room. It’s no wonder her and Kade butt heads all the time—they both have an alpha complex. Regardless, that woman takes my breath away every time she’s near me. Her dark wavy hair cascades over her shoulders and her cobalt eyes shine brightly in contrast to her dark eye makeup. She’s wearing a white ruffled blouse tucked into a gray pencil skirt. The ensemble is complemented by a pair of nude Jimmy Choo pumps. Most men wouldn’t know one designer from the next, but I know which designer shoes she’s wearing because I bought them for her during our brief dating stint.
I know I fucked up when I dumped her, but it wasn’t right for me to continue dating her if I wouldn’t drop the pact I made with Kade. At this point in our lives, I think the reason I’m sticking to my guns is that I don’t want to admit I was wrong and have to accept that I’m the reason they missed out on years of loving each other. Am I being unreasonable? Yes. Will I cave? No. My stubborn pride keeps preventing me from giving my sister and best friend a chance at the happiness they deserve.
“Good morning, jackass.” Her greeting is directed at Kade. “And good morning, D. You look well-rested.” The Cheshire Cat grin on her face is a dead giveaway that she’s privy to some early morning pictures my sister took while Kade and I were sleeping side-by-side on the floor.
“Syd. Always a pleasure.” Kade’s gruff greeting laced with sarcasm.
“Hey, Syd.” I smile
“Where’s my girl?” Sydnee asks about Britney.
“Out back with Dexter.” I motion in the direction of the back yard. Sydnee turns toward the back door just as the slider opens, and Dexter runs in with Britney right behind him.
“What the hell? Start eating before it gets cold!” Britney scolds all of us. “That includes you too, Syd.”
“Duh. You said you were making breakfast. Why do you think I’m here?” It’s quick as a flash, but her eyes dart to mine before focusing back on my sister. She’s here to make sure I’m doing better, and for the time being, I am.
“Here.” Britney places three pills in front of me and two pills in front of Kade when we take our seats at the breakfast bar. “And yes, you have to take them.” She’s using her don’t fuck with me tone, so I do as I’m told.
“Bro, don’t argue. You won’t win. Just take the pills.” I do a quick side glance in the direction of my friend and then to my sister. Her attention is on Dexter and Sydnee, making it difficult for me to tell if they’ve been secretly hooking up while I was kept hostage in the hospital.
As much as I hate taking any kind of medication, I soon learned that the ones my shrink prescribed to me do help. At first, they made me loopy and lethargic, so I faked taking them and spit them out when I was back in my room. But I soon realized on the days I took the medication, my mind would calm down enough to get some sleep.
It wasn’t long before my mood and body began to regulate with medication, so I gave in and allowed the drugs to do their job. Don’t get me wrong; I still get panic attacks, and I have developed night terrors—something I never had in the past. What scares me now is the blacking out and taking off. Maybe it was because I subconsciously knew I was no longer in the hospital and had the freedom to take off, but who knows. Was it a one-time thing or something new I will need to add to my growing list of weird shit I experience?
Breakfast is delicious, but I am only able to eat a little bit of everything. My appetite has diminished since being in the hospital, but I believe that once I get back into my workout routine, that will change. Change won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take time, something I have in abundance while internal affairs investigate my and Kade’s actions before, during, and since that fucked day.
“You all right?” Sydnee asks as she sits in the chair Kade vacated at some point. I guess I zoned out.
Turning to look behind me, I see Britney is on one end of the couch as the dog stands on his hind legs with his front paws on her chest, reaching up to give her puppy kisses. Kade is sitting at the opposite end of the couch, clicking through channels on the television.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“You’ve been sitting here in a daze for the past fifteen minutes or so.”
“It’s my meds,” I lie.
“You can always talk to me, D. I’m here for you, too.”
I glance over my shoulder once more, and clarity hits me. Everyone here is here for me. This may be Kade’s house, but he would be at mine if I fought him on it. He even bought a dog to train as a service dog, but something tells me that Dexter has already staked his claim on Britney. My sister’s unconditional love and support pours from her heart every day. She never judges me or questions my feelings. Britney sits, listens, and if she feels I need to hear her thoughts, she chimes in. Through all my sister has endured being a victim of rape, she’s the strong one. She’s the rock that could keep me grounded when I feel myself drifting away, and her unwavering support can help me navigate through my craziness.
Sydnee, on the other hand, is different. Our brief dating history puts her into a different category. Yes, she’s still my friend even though I broke her heart, and believe me when I say I wish I’d never broke it off. Her blue eyes shine with compassion like she understands what’s going on inside my head, but she doesn’t. None of them do.
“Really, I’m okay,” I reassure Sydnee with another lie. Her head tilts slightly to the left, studying my face. She doesn’t buy it, but she also doesn’t press for me to talk.
“If you say so.” That response right there signifies that she doesn’t trust my words “All right, people. I’m outta here. My staff is waiting for their queen to arrive.” Collectively, we all chuckle at Sydnee referring to herself as a queen. Then again, she is. Sydnee owns her own business. The woman makes an insane amount of money doing work she loves with people she genuinely likes.
Syd and Britney don’t need to live together; they choose to live together. They enjoy having someone to come home to that doesn’t need them for anything except a conversation or a drinking buddy.
Sydnee’s exit is almost as loud as her entrance was earlier. Now that she’s gone and my sister has headed home to shower and change and then go to the office for a few hours, I hunt down Kade. When Britney mentioned she was heading out for a while, he disappeared.
Of course, it doesn’t take much to find Kade. He’s in his gym on the treadmill doing a light jog, while Dexter is sprawled out on his back in the corner where he has a dog bed.