All the air seems to be sucked out of the room as I look at her looking back at me with round, blue-green eyes impossible not to recognize. They’re fringed in thick lashes, and her hair is golden blonde… just like my mother’s.
Reaching out, I hold the wall, trying to stop the onslaught of emotion. This little girl… Remi’s words are in my head… She must be six now.
Six years…
My eyes cut back to Noel, and she’s standing, the messy carton in her hands, her amber eyes wide.
“Is she…” My voice breaks on the sentence.
Her full lips part as if she’ll speak. Instead, her chin dips slightly in a nod.
I step back, catching the door handle and charging down the steps. I need to catch my breath. I need to process this.
Images of the night she came to me all those years ago slam to the front of my brain. I was so broken, so fucked up and high all the time. Oxy was the only thing keeping the nonstop pain at bay, the only thing drowning the memories of a dead girl…
I was addicted as hell. I’d written Noel some probably incoherent letter telling her it was over between us. I couldn’t stand the thought of her seeing me that way, loving me when I had fallen so far from what I wanted to be for her.
Still, she showed up at my door. I should have known she would.
One kiss, and all the months of longing for her, needing her, dreaming of her came rushing back. I couldn’t stop myself. Pain was consumed by desire. We made love… Once? Twice? Her body was so beautiful. It was the briefest light shining in all that darkness.
Stopping at a tree I reach out to hold the trunk as the waves of emotion sucker-punch me in the gut. A daughter?
I try to imagine Noel so young, so beautiful carrying my baby. I try to imagine what it must have been like for her to be alone… I try to imagine a world where everything didn’t fall to pieces…
Leon’s voice cuts through my spiraling. “I owe you an ass-kicking.”
Lifting my chin, I see the kid I liked so much has grown into a man. A man with anger burning in his eyes at me from under a lowered brow.
“Leon…” My voice is ragged.
“I told you if you hurt my sister, I’d kick your ass, and you hurt her. Bad.”
I wince at his words, hating the fact of them. “I won’t fight you, Leon.”
“I know you have specialized Marine moves or whatever, but I can hold my own.”
I do, but what he wants is not happening. “I’m sorry I let you down. I’d give anything to go back and change the past.”
“I’ve never seen my sister like that. I didn’t think she was going to come out of it… until Dove.” The little girl… My daughter. “I won’t let you hurt her again.”
“I won’t hurt her again.” My voice is certain, and my eyes meet his.
“You’re right. You won’t.”
Broad shoulders stretch the sweatshirt he’s wearing, and while he’s not as tall as I am, he’s clearly in good shape. He lunges, slamming into my side with his shoulder, arms around my waist. I barely have time to brace for the hit, and a grunt pushes from my lungs as I catch him.
Pain blasts from my old injury, nearly blinding me. “Leon…” I grind out, doing my best to hold him.
“Stop!” Sawyer’s voice is loud at my side. “Leon, get off him!”
He grabs his brother around the arms, pulling him away from me.
“Let me go, Sawyer. I’m going to wipe the ground with his sorry ass.”
“I said stop!” Sawyer turns, shoving Leon in the opposite direction from me. “Go back to the house and cool off.”
We’re all breathing hard, and Leon shouts at his brother. “You’re going to let him come back here after what he did?”
I’m holding my side, leaning my back against the tree, trying to breathe through the pain.
“You don’t know the whole story, Leon.” Sawyer stands between us, blocking my view.
“I know enough. I know what he did to Noel.”
“There’s more to it than that. A lot more. Things I hope you never have to understand… or experience.” Sawyer’s voice is grave, but Leon makes a disgusted noise before turning and stomping down the hill.
Dropping my face, I rub my forehead with my fingers. “He’s right. I shouldn’t have come back here.”
“I’ll talk to him.” Sawyer steps over and takes my arm. “You okay?”
“I will be.”
“You were right to come here. You need to know your daughter. She needs to know her dad.”
“You don’t want to kick my ass, too?” I’m only partly joking.
The fury coming off Leon was powerful, confirming my worst fears. Everything I remember about that last night with Noel is true. I was so fucked up. I hurt her so badly.
“The demons we fought were strong. Almost too strong.” Our eyes meet, and he gives my shoulder a squeeze. “But you were tougher than them. You beat them, and you’re here.”
“I lost what matters most.”
“Maybe not.”
We slowly start down the hill for the house, the pain in my back beginning to ease, but I have a slight limp. “I’d give anything for you to be right.”
He pauses, looking up the road ahead. “Everybody deserves a second chance.”
Dove is still in the kitchen when I return to the house. She’s standing in a chair, leaning over the table coloring with a brown, stuffed mouse in a green dress beside her. For a minute I watch her so focused on her project.
Her brow is furrowed, and her nose turns up right at the end. I can’t get over her blonde hair. She’s perfect.
I step closer, and the floor creaks. She sits down in the chair and studies me.
“Mamma says if you see somebody who needs a smile, you should give ‘em one of yours.” She smiles at me, and a little dimple appears just below her mouth—just like her mother’s.
And just that fast, she steals my heart. “Do I need a smile?”
“You did.” She’s still grinning, her little-girl teeth showing. “What’s your name?”
“Taron.”
“That’s like my name.” She stands in the chair and starts coloring again. “Do you like to color?”
“Sure.” I sit beside her and pick up the blue crayon and start on the coat of a mouse wearing glasses. “What’s your name?”
“Tara Dove Noel LaGrange.” She says it like she’s reading a script, nodding her chin at every word.
“That’s a pretty name. I like Tara.”
“It’s for my daddy. Mamma said he’s a handsome prince. She said that’s why I have blue eyes when hers are brown.”
A flash of emotion tightens my chest. “Where’s your mamma now?”
“Down at her new store.” The little girl’s nose wrinkles. “It’s not really new. It’s really old, but Mamma says it’s going to be the best thing I’ve ever seen when she’s finished with it. I told her I’ve seen a lot.”
“Have you?” I want to laugh. I want to pull her to me and hug her. I want Noel to be here so I can hold them both in my arms. It’s a dream I don’t deserve to have, and I ache for it in my bones.