We both look at my younger brother, who’s making a shut up face at my daughter.
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Are you chewing tobacco again?” Stepping up, I smack his arm. “You want all your teeth to fall out?”
“Woman!” he barks. “Stop abusing me!”
I do a little growl. “Disgusting habit.”
Still, I’m happy. We’re coming so close. I feel sure it’s only a matter of time before I’m able to give Taron everything, no uncertainty or fear.
Dove is curled up asleep in my bed, and I’m putting clothes away in my closet when a tapping on my window makes me jump. I look around the door to see Taron smoldering outside the glass.
Akela doesn’t even lift her head anymore. Crossing the room, I slide it open, and he sits, swinging his legs inside and pulling me between them.
“It’s cold… Here.” I close the window behind him, checking over my shoulder to be sure Dove is still quietly snoring with Alice clutched to her side.
I surrender to his kiss. He covers my mouth with his, pushing my lips apart and finding my tongue, making me hot and slippery.
My heart beats so hard, it aches in my chest. Being in his bed, making love with him was the satisfaction of a year’s-long need, and I want him holding me down again, turning me over, pushing inside, and claiming what’s his.
Lifting my chin I can barely catch my breath as his hands go under my shirt, lightly cupping my breasts.
“Taron…” I drop my forehead to his, dragging my fingernails through his beard. “What are you doing in here?”
“Missing you.” His head dips, and his beard scuffs my skin as his mouth closes over a hardened nipple.
“Oh…” I gasp as he gives it a firm suck, and my knees are liquid. I bite back a moan, and he straightens, catching my cheeks.
“I want you in my bed. Now.”
Electricity is in my veins, and I want to say yes. “It’s risky… If she wakes up and I’m not here, she’ll come looking.”
His eyes go to our baby, and the struggle is real. “That little girl.” He sighs, and his hands move around to my back, warm palms pressing me against his chest.
I feel his heartbeat through his shirt, and I don’t want to let him go. I consider putting him in my bed, but I don’t think we’re strong enough for that.
“Grab a coat and come with me.” He steps out the window again, and I grab my thick, fluffy coat, wrapping it over my thin tee and sweats.
“It’s freezing out here.” I pull up my wooly socks and snuggle closer into him on the porch swing. “Here.”
I open my coat and straddle his lap as he slips his arms around me and we rock. For a little bit we’re quiet, letting our bodies heat each other’s.
When he speaks, his tone has changed. It’s quiet, solemn. “Every second of the mission to rescue Marley, I thought about you. I worried about you. I dreamed about you. It was the longest we’d ever gone without speaking since we’d met.”
My heart beats faster at his words, but I go still. We need to have this talk.
“Sawyer was able to call you because they considered him the head of your household… and it was possible we could’ve been killed on the mission.”
I tuck my chin, putting my damp eyes against his shoulder. I remember those days clear as a bell.
He continues, his voice neutral, his muscles tense. “We eventually found him. He was deep in the jungle, in an old, abandoned shack… I was the first one through the door.” A pause. A breath. I feel him swallow the thickness in his throat. “He was messed up bad. I didn’t secure the interior like I should have. I didn’t check for anyone else. I went straight to him and started cutting off the ropes. He was bleeding and barely conscious. I was so relieved we’d found him, but I was also thinking of you, finally being able to get back to you.”
Turning my face, I press my lips to his skin.
“I didn’t see her in the corner. I didn’t see her until it was too late, and she was swinging a machete at our heads. I did the only thing I knew to do. I pulled out my gun and I shot…”
My throat goes tight, and I sit up, searching for his eyes. They’re downcast, not meeting mine. Placing my palm on his cheek, I’m not sure I understand.
“What—?”
“I killed her. She was just a kid, probably a kidnap victim herself. I don’t know. We had to leave her behind… I’ll never know.”
My heart aches at the pain in his voice. “Was this the thing…”
“I fell on the way out and was injured. Back injuries are pretty much an automatic medical leave. They gave me a purple heart and sent me home. But I knew what I’d done. I could never… I can never forget her lying alone in that hut in the jungle.”
“Oh, Taron.” Tears spill onto my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him with all my heart, wishing I could take this pain away.
We’re quiet for a little bit, swaying slowly in the swing, sharing this terrible memory. My hands slide up and down his broad shoulders, and I calm my tears. Sitting up, I dry my eyes, placing my hands on his neck. He’s been strong enough to tell me this. I’m strong enough to hear it.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
His beautiful eyes meet mine, and they’re like the sea, blue-green and glistening. “Can you forgive me?”
“Of course!” I lean forward kissing his lips and pressing my cheek to his. “It wasn’t your fault.”
His brow furrows, and he shakes his head as if he can’t accept what I’m saying. “Our daughter wants me to be a hero. I don’t know how to tell her that’s something I’ll never be.”
My insides tremble, and I can’t let him believe this. I don’t know how to make him hear me, and I can see this burden is so heavy, it almost took him from me completely.
“Our daughter will love you no matter what. Because you love her unconditionally.”
He exhales a heavy sigh. “I’ll never be her hero.”
“Never is a long time.”
30
Taron
“You have to go to the cotillion. It’s to raise money for the parish library!” Mindy leans on the bar, but Noel is shaking her head and stirring a saucepan of pralines.
“Christmas orders are through the roof. I’ve got to finish shopping, and everybody’s coming here for dinner. I don’t have time to find a dress, get my hair done—”
I give my daughter a little nudge from inside the living room, and she springs into action. “Mamma, look at me! Look at me!”
Dove twirls into the kitchen in that pink and purple tutu, only now she’s wearing a headband with white mouse ears and carrying a stick with a ribbon attached to the end. She does the steps we’ve been learning by pausing and rewinding the opening to her favorite show, and I know she’s mine, but she’s really adorable.
I’d name her Princess Peach today.
“Oh, my goodness!” Noel puts her hand on her chest and kneels briefly. “It’s Angelina Ballerina!”