My eyes went to Decker. He was scarily pale and holding a gun while pinned under a dead man. He dropped the weapon and closed his eyes the moment the elevator doors opened.
Police flooded the room, demanding that I put my hands in the air while simultaneously shouting their questions at me. But I could only say one thing again and again and again.
“He’s dead,” I cried.
“He’s dead,” I sobbed.
“They’re dead,” I whispered.
34
Decker
“How long?”
That was the first question I’d heard after clawing my way out of hell. It was a far-away voice that clipped the pounding in my head. “How long, Blakely?” Lance’s voice asked again, I wanted to open my eyes, but it felt like rocks were laid across my eyelids and weighing them down.
“It feels like forever, but months?” Blakely’s soft voice replied. I felt my chest constrict as hands wrapped around my arm and lightly squeezed. There was a constant beeping in my brain that pinged in time to my racing heart.
“Months? You’ve been hiding this for months?” Lance replied incredulously. I tried to open my mouth but couldn’t. I wanted to defend myself and protect my girl. Lance was obviously hurting, and I knew better than most that hurt people, hurt people. It shouldn’t have happened like this. Blakely shouldn’t have had to weather the storm by herself. But I couldn’t fucking wake up.
“We didn’t want to hide it from you, Lance. It started out as something we both denied, then it became something more. By then, it felt wrong to say anything.”
“It was wrong to start anything, Blakely,” Lance’s cold voice replied. My heart sank. “Did you not care about his job? He could have lost everything because of you.”
I wanted to tell Lance that I would have happily given my career up for Blakely. The risk was worth the reward. “I know, Lance. I know.” Blakely sniffled, and I wished I could open my eyes and reach up to wipe the tears I knew were streaming from her cheeks.
“And what about me, huh? He’s my best friend. Isn’t there some sibling code we’re supposed to stick to? You can’t be serious!” I heard a crash as if something was thrown on the ground. Blakely flinched beside me and removed her hand from my arm. Fuck. I tried harder to move. I commanded my legs to lift up, but couldn’t tell if it was actually working. “I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid!” Lance roared. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You seduced him, and now look!”
Though I couldn’t see, I could still feel their heavy stares on my body, lingering on the throbbing pain in my side. “I know, Lance. I’m so sorry. I never meant—”
“Never meant to hurt him? Never meant to drag him into your problems? Never meant for him to get shot trying to protect you? What were you thinking, Blakely?”
The room went silent for a moment, and I tried to open my mouth to speak. My body was a traitorous bastard, letting me down when my girl needed me most. Once again, I tried to make a sound, do something, say anything. Nothing worked. My body felt like a stranger, with my soul just occupying it. “It’s all so ironic,” Lance then said. “I mean, truly. The night before you arrived, Decker warned me about you.”
I could hear the beeps growing faster, mimicking the racing of my heart. “What?” Blakely asked.
“Yep. We knew about your mother, and he warned me. He warned me!” Lance was yelling now. I wanted to stop this. Blakely didn’t need to know about my jaded assumptions. Fuck!
I could still remember the night before Blakely arrived. I’d told Lance he was making a colossal mistake. I told him that this was yet another person that would come in with the intent of filling the void in his heart but would just steal more from him in the process.
“What did he say?” Blakely asked while pulling away from me. The moment her citrus scent left, I whimpered like a fucking pussy. I needed her near. I needed to squeeze her hand reassuringly.
“Decker told me it would be a giant mistake to let you live with us. He said you were probably just as bad—if not worse—than our mom, and that we would be better off without you. I hate to admit it, but he was right. Look at where Decker is right now! You almost got him killed. You almost lost him his job!”
There was a long, drawn-out silence. A war was raging in my chest. The old me was wrong, so, so terribly wrong. Blakely was selfless and kind. Compassionate. Smart. She fought to separate from her mother, and I hated that Lance was preying on her most profound insecurities. “You’re right,” Blakely finally whispered.
“I love him, Blakely. I love him more than anyone in this world. You almost took that from me, and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that,” Lance choked out. I felt his hand clasp around mine as he sobbed.
“I’m so sorry, Lance. I never—”
“Just go. Please, just go.”
The moment I had control of my body again, I spoke the three words that had been tormenting me. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. I wasn’t sure where I was. Phrases like nasogastric tubes, endoscopies, and kidney functions flurried around the hospital room as I rested, but I didn’t know how bad it was. I only knew how I felt. I only knew that my body seemed heavy and weak.
“Where is Blakely?” I asked. My throat was on fire.
“Decker, you need to take it easy, okay?” Lance replied. My vision was blurred, but I could see the outline of his blond hair and the thick reading glasses he wore when he was too lazy to put on his contacts.
“Where is Blakely?” I asked again, making Lance curse. I blinked once, twice, and by the third blink, I could clearly see my best friend. Lance looked awful. His hair was greasy like he hadn’t showered in days. The wrinkled shirt he was wearing was stained, and I could clearly see his chapped lips and the dark circles under his eyes.
“She’s gone,” Lance replied darkly. “Let me call the nurse.”
“Don’t. Don’t call anyone. Where is Blakely, Lance?” My best friend squeezed my hand and bent over my body, saturating my hospital gown with his sobs. I patted his head, realizing that my one-track mind was probably insulting. He’d obviously been worried about me, and I was a dick. “Hey, I’m okay,” I offered lamely, though my voice sounded strained.
“I was so fucking worried about you,” Lance replied while clutching me tighter, it was like he couldn’t believe I was still there with him. “It’s always been us. Why didn’t you wait for me? Why did you do such a stupid thing?”
“We didn’t have a choice, Lance. Where the fuck is Blakely?”
“I don’t know!” Lance roared in response. “I sent her away. She could have gotten you killed, Decker. You warned me that she was trouble, and you were right. I should have never brought her into our lives. I should have noticed.”
Lance stood up and furiously wiped at his eyes while pacing the room. He was reverberating with pain and anger, but I didn’t know what to do. Blakely didn’t deserve all the blame though.
Lance sobbed even harder as he stared at me, his blue eyes red and drenched with pain. We had a silent stare off for a moment, and I watched with dread. Fuck. This was it, the moment I’d feared. The secret we’d been ignoring would finally be out in the open.