He had a fantastic chest, wide and tanned, with abs and a dark tail of hair disappearing into his pants. I couldn’t enjoy it though. No, I wanted him gone more than anything in the world.
I nodded. “Yes, I do.” I looked away. “Leave.”
I waited for a couple of minutes before turning back to look at the door. When I didn’t see him there, I sighed in relief. Dropping my towel, I brushed my fingertips across the red marks his strong hands left on my skin.
I let out another sob. Jumping in the shower, I tried to brush away my humiliation along with his smell.
‘It’s used or be used in this world, Amber. I use these men before they can use me. Always remember that, sister. Men want your pussy, nothing more. They’ll do anything to put their dick in you. They’ll lie and deceive. Let them do it, but be the smart one and fuck them as much as they fuck you.’ Opal had told me that one night when she’d come home with a man’s wallet and watch.
I cried silently under the hot water. I hated how right she had been. I knew how Dean saw me - as just a warm body here to satisfy his basic urges. But never again. I could never feel this low again, never feel so used. I would not survive it.
I needed to stay me, for Timmy. I could not become Opal. He needed my heart and conscience.
I would not let Dean Beaumont break me in the ways Opal had been broken. He was poisonous to me. Raising my hand to my neck, I touched the bite mark he’d left there. His venom was running through me, but no more.
I was Amber Collins and I'd stay Amber Collins even if that meant never letting Dean Beaumont close to me again. He will never use me again.
“Please, could you tell Ms. Collins that the car to the hospital will be ready in the next few minutes?”
The butler bowed. “Yes, sir, I will let her know.”
Sitting back in my chair with a sigh, I brushed my thumb back and forth across my lips.
I felt an unusual excitement at being alone with her in the car, if only for a few minutes. I'd been trying to understand why she’d been treating me like a plague-ridden bastard since that night in her room. I wasn’t sure why she’d sent me away the way she had. I’d made sure she had come before fucking her. I'd never really had that consideration before, with her or anyone for that matter, and yet, she'd freaked out on me and was making it her life mission to avoid me.
I’d wondered the next day why I hadn't seen her. Weirdly enough, I'd even started to worry about her. Why I was worried about the woman who I was convinced had pushed my brother to the grave, was beyond me, but I did.
I had lingered around her bedroom that day, waiting for her to come out. I hadn't left until Mrs. James had found me and given me a strange look. After that, almost all of my attempted run-ins had failed miserably. I’d tried Opal's door again that night, and three nights after that, hoping it would be open and that she would let me have her again, but it was always locked. She’d not gone back to the library to study either. She’d been smart and used the credit card I had given her to buy a laptop so she could study from the confines of her room. Once again, I'd realized her frugal nature. She could have bought the most expensive computer in the world, but she'd spent very little, buying the most basic, bottom of the line option.
And once the tests had come back negative for both drugs and pregnancy, I'd felt relieved. I should have been irritated that her drug test had come back negative. I had been at the start, but these last few weeks, I'd been relieved rather than irritated and that baffled me.
I looked at the crumpled note on my desk, the one that had been in Edward’s pocket when they’d found his body.
‘Have your brother give you money quickly or I’ll have to get rid of the baby,’ it said in a handwriting I assumed was Opal’s, and I hated her for that, so much more than I ever hated anyone. Edward, despite his self-destructive nature, had adored children and wanted to be a father. I'd refused his plea for money. He had cheated me so many times before, I had refused to fall for it again. So, I'd given him $50, telling him that had to be enough for a few doses. He'd bought a few doses and had taken them all at once.
If only I had -
“Sir?”
I shook my head, grateful for the interruption. “Yes?”
“Ms. Collins said young Timothy is ready for you to pick up whenever it is convenient.”
I frowned, sitting straighter. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure, sir,” he said hesitantly and I understood how uncomfortable he was.
I stood up with a sigh, but I was secretly excited about seeing her. She couldn’t avoid me any more, could she? “Very well. I’ll go see her."
“Thank you, sir,” he said full of gratitude before disappearing down the corridor.
I stopped in front of the glass panel beside the bookcase and looked at my reflection, straightening my tie and making sure my hair was still perfect.
What was this tiny woman doing to me?
When I made it to Timothy’s room, he was dressed and ready to go, already seated in the car seat with the diaper bag beside him.
“What did you mean?” I asked a bit colder than I'd intended when I saw her dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized tee-shirt. She was clearly not dressed to go out.
She stayed on the other end of the room, close to the connecting door to her bedroom as if she was trying to stay far away from me in case she needed to bolt.
Did she think I was going to maul her?
“I think it would be best if you went with Timothy on your own, Mr. Beaumont,” she said calmly. But she wrung her hands together in front of her, a clear sign of her nervousness.
I knew how much she loved the boy and I didn't miss that for the first time, she'd called him Timothy. Despite my loathing of his silly nickname, for some reason, I hated that she didn’t use it.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, trying to remain calm despite my feeling of anger and an unjustified sense of betrayal.
“I've thought about it and if you wish to raise him, you will need to do all of this without me.” She crossed her arms on her chest, looking at the child with longing. “I would much rather you started while I'm still on the premises.”
I took a step toward her, not caring about the distance she was trying to impose. “So you’re expecting to fail? Are you on drugs again?”
She looked up at me, her brown eyes unwavering from my face, the epitome of cool. “No, I'm not on drugs, but I fear I may give up.”
The betrayal I already felt was fueled even more, overtaking my reason. I snorted. “Talk about unwavering motherly love.”
She winced. I knew I'd hit a nerve, but she stood her ground. “He’s ready to go. You’ll find my notes in the side pocket in case Dr. Hunt asks you any questions.”
“You know, in any normal situation, I would have a nanny with me. Forcing me to do this by myself is unfair.”
She nodded. “You’re right.”
I did my best not to smile. I had her there and just to get revenge, I’d have the driver take the long way home so she'd have to suffer my presence even longer.
“That's why I had Mrs. James call the agency you'd used previously to get you help for the day.” She looked at the boat-shaped clock on the wall. “She is probably already waiting by the car.”