I watched him pace the room as he vented.
“I can’t believe Gray and Torque didn’t have the good sense to keep you out of this.”
“Out of this,” I repeated. “Where have you been the last few weeks? This was all because of me.”
“It wasn’t all because of you.”
“Fine. I was the catalyst that got it all moving.” I swallowed. “What’s the opposite of the Midas touch, Colt?”
“I don’t follow.”
“You know, Midas. Everything he touches turns to gold? Well, everything I touch turns to ash.”
His gaze softened in understanding. “Ah, darlin’.”
“No, don’t.” I held up my hand to stop him. “I’m not looking for sympathy. Okay? I was just—I had to help clean up the mess I brought into your life. To the Blue Angels’ lives. For me. For you. For Shelly.”
Saying her name out loud hurt me. Saying her name felt like summoning a ghost. A fissure of emotion erupted in my body shoving away the numbness that had enveloped me.
The tears were gentle at first and then they turned into a cascade. I became a careening, mourning woman who sounded like a deranged animal in pain.
Colt sat down on the bed next to me and held my body as I shook and broke apart.
“He killed her,” I hiccoughed the words, my eyes nearly swollen shut. “He killed her and I couldn’t even make him hurt. I couldn’t even make him hurt one bit of what I feel.”
Colt crooned against my hair, brushing away my greasy locks, not caring that I needed a good scrubbing to remove the smell of hospital, the smell of death.
Would this eat away at me my entire life? Not being the one to end Dev?
When I quieted, I pressed my nose to Colt and inhaled. He smelled like Colt, like freedom and light. Like the air in summer. Like life itself.
“No one asked me to help,” I said when my tears had abated. “I volunteered. No one wanted to involve me. Torque nearly lost his shit when he saw that I didn’t get in the car to head to the cabins.” I pinned him with a stare. “Cabins, Colt. You never told me you had cabins.”
“I don’t have cabins. The club has cabins. And don’t change the subject. How did you get Gray and Torque to let you sit at the table?”
“I asked.” I shrugged. “You have to understand—none of them were okay with using me as bait, but they knew it would get the job done. It was supposed to get the job done, anyway. But we failed. I failed.”
“What is failure, though? You didn’t get to look Dev in the eye and pull the trigger? Okay, so maybe that’s your version of failure. But we succeeded overall.”
“We don’t have Dev. He’s still running around—pissed as hell, ready to set more fires.”
“Franco found Dev.”
“He did?” I gaped. “When?”
“A few hours ago. Franco already handed Dev over to Alejandro’s men. The deed is done.” He reached out and laced his fingers through mine. “You’re cold.”
“Yeah.”
My gaze dropped to the bed sheets.
“Do you know what this means?” he asked finally.
“It means I had no part in ending Dev’s life, and that doesn’t sit right with me. I’ll feel like he’s always out there, somewhere.”
“You’ll have to make it right within yourself. I know you think pulling the trigger and killing him would ease your grief, but it would turn you into someone else. Someone you might not like.” He shook his head. “More importantly, now that Dev is with Alejandro’s men, we get to go home. They’re professionals, in what they do. Dev is as good as gone. We’re safe.”
I looked up to meet his somber gaze. “We get to go home.”
He nodded. “You get to recover in our bed. Silas gets to pick out colors for his room. We get to step outside and not have to look over our shoulder and wonder if Dev is gunning for us. It’s over.”
It wasn’t enough.
I didn’t get my revenge.
I didn’t get to watch the life fade from Dev’s eyes.
All the pain and suffering I’d endured at his hands didn’t have an outlet.
Colt stared at me, his dark gaze intense. “This is life, Mia. Sometimes things don’t play out the way we want them to.” He squeezed my hand. “You’ve gotta find a way to let this be enough. Otherwise…otherwise, it’ll eat away at you and there will be nothing left worth living for.”
The next morning, Boxer and Zip paid me a visit. After Boxer made a few jokes about my appearance, he stared at Zip and said, “You tell her.”
“Tell me what?” I asked.
Zip and Boxer exchanged a look, having one of those silent bro conversations I was never privy to.
“Come on, guys. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Colt left,” Zip said.
“He left?” I asked, mouth agape. “What do you mean he left?”
“I mean he’s gone. As in not here. He said he’d be back in a few days,” Zip added. “But he didn’t tell me where he was going.”
“Why would he tell you?” I pressed. “You guys were at each other’s throats.”
“They made up in prison,” Boxer quipped. “Not like that, but they’re brothers again.”
“Glad to hear it,” I murmured.
I glanced out the window. I’d only just woken up an hour or so ago. A nurse had come to take my vitals but then had left quickly. Colt hadn’t been in my room when I’d opened my eyes. I thought nothing of it, thinking that he might’ve gone for coffee.
But he was gone. Without a word.
“I got a theory,” Boxer said slowly. “You wanna hear it?”
“I think you’ll tell it to me whether I want to hear it or not,” I said, dragging my eyes away from the window.
“I think he went for a ride,” Boxer said. “To clear his head. To put it back on straight. He…”
“He what? Spit it out, Boxer.”
“God, you’re fucking cranky,” he stated.
“I’m about to get fucking crankier,” I muttered.
Boxer sighed. “Colt might’ve punched a wall while you were in surgery. He’s been off ever since. Riding is the only thing that clears out the cob webs.”
“I can’t believe he left me.”
“He didn’t leave you,” Zip said. “He went to go find himself.”
“Find himself. What the fuck is that? He has that luxury, but I don’t?” I gestured to my leg. “I’ve got months of physical therapy to look forward to. Basically being bed-ridden. And I never got to pay back the man who killed my best friend. Find himself?” I sounded like a banshee, screaming and caterwauling like a wounded animal.
Hell, I was wounded, and it wasn’t just my leg.
“What about me? How the fuck could he do this to me? We’re supposed to be a team. You don’t just—he really took off?”
Boxer and Zip both nodded.
I leaned my head back against the pillows. “This is unbelievable.”
I wished Joni was here so she could shed some light on her brother. “When is everyone coming back from the cabins?”