I fell with a grunt, but was back on my feet in a flash, blinded by fury.
“Easy, Viktor,” a deep voice said. A familiar voice.
I blinked, clearing my vision, and looked at Axel, who stood in front of me, knees bent, hands ready for another attack. I straightened slowly and said, “Sorry.”
Axel also straightened, frowning at me. “What the fuck’s going on with you?”
I grunted. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Have you been having problems with strangers showing up?” Axel asked.
“Yes,” I said, frowning. “Why?”
“I found one on my property the other day.”
My blood ran cold. “When? Who?”
Axel shook his head. “A hitchhiker who got lost, apparently. That was his story. I don’t know if I believed it, but I couldn’t very well snap his neck.”
“You should have,” I said darkly.
“Whoa, buddy, calm down,” Axel joked, holding up his hands. When I didn’t laugh or even smile, he looked at the pile of branches on the floor. “What’s this? Are you planning on becoming my competition?”
I grunted again and stomped to my cabin. After all the hard, physical work I’d done to deal with my emotions, I was still in a black mood.
Axel followed me into my cabin. “Looks like you’re sorted for wood,” he commented, looking at the over-full basket next to the hearth, the fresh logs in the fireplace itself, and then at me. “Where’s Angela?”
I didn’t answer that, either. What the fuck was I supposed to say? She left me because she found out what I was? She went home because she doesn’t want to stay? Dammit, it hurt like a bitch and I hated feeling this weak.
“How do you do it?” I blurted instead.
Axel sat in one of the armchairs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Tell me what happened.”
I dropped myself into the other armchair. “She found my guns. And she ran.”
Axel whistled through his teeth. “Occupational hazard for guys like us, I guess. People fear us for what we were. They don’t see who we are now.”
“I don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, I never have,” I insisted. “You know me. I’m up here to stop it from happening again, not because I’m ashamed of myself. But with her… everything is different.”
“You’ve fallen for her,” Axel pointed out.
“The fuck I did,” I bit out.
Axel raised his eyebrows. “You can lie to me and to yourself about it, but you’re pissed off and you look like shit. You nearly snapped my neck without thinking. It’s lucky I’m a big son of a bitch like you and know how to fight back.” He chuckled. “Trust me, Viktor, you’re head over heels about this girl.”
I grunted. What else could I do? Axel was right. I hated that she’d left. I’d chopped all this wood for a thousand fires. Fires that I would sit at like an asshole, alone every night, moping that I’d lost a woman who could never have been mine in the first place.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked. “I can’t afford to lose focus. She was a distraction from the start.”
Axel watched me in silence for a moment.
“What?” I asked.
“Look, I know this is easier said than done. But guys like us do deserve a second chance at all this shit. You can’t keep punishing yourself over what happened when you were a dumb kid.”
I snorted. “All that wisdom, and what about you? You’re single.”
“I didn’t say we needed women. I said we deserve a second chance. Mine looks different than yours. But if you really care about her, you should do something about it.”
I shook my head. “I know what you’re trying to say, Axel. And it’s noble. But it’s not that simple. They’re still after me. Until Maksim finds me, this isn’t over. I can’t drag Angela into this shit. I can’t have her become a victim to everything I did. It’s catching up with me, and she doesn’t deserve any of it.”
Axel nodded. “I get it. But you should let her choose.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” I asked. “She took off.”
Axel shrugged and leaned back in his chair, looking at the fireplace that wasn’t lit. “All I’m saying, is that she might surprise you. I saw how she looked at you, Viktor. If you tell her who you are and what really happened, she might understand. I understood.”
“Because you’ve been there.”
“Are you telling me everything about her life is perfect? That she wouldn’t get it when someone makes mistakes?”
I thought long and hard about that, but I couldn’t bring the two together. After what she’d told me about her father, I was exactly the man she didn’t need. It was nice of Axel to be here and try to cheer me up. But he didn’t have someone he wanted to be with the way I wanted to be with Angela. He was happy alone, as far as I could tell. If he wasn’t, he’d never said so to me.
Then again, I’d been perfectly happy alone until Angela, too.
“My mistakes aren’t like anyone else’s” I finally said.
Axel nodded. “No, but you’ll never know if you could have a chance if you don’t go for it.”
She was leaving for Chicago soon. Which meant that if I didn’t go find her now, I would never see her again.
“Thanks for your advice,” I said, slapping my thighs and getting up. “Did you need something?”
Axel shook his head. “Just to check and see if you’d had trouble with unwanted guests and make sure you were good.”
I nodded. “I appreciate it. Let me know if you see any more. And please watch your back. I don’t want my past biting you in the ass.”
“No worries, my friend. My head is always on a swivel and I can handle my business if the need arises.”
I let Axel out, and when he was gone, I walked into my cabin, slamming the door. No need to be polite about anything now. Angela was gone.
Angela
The taxi driver was still talking, rambling on. The sound was soothing, and I dozed off a little. I opened my eyes again when I realized we’d stopped.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
The driver sat behind the wheel. “Car trouble ma’am.”
I frowned. “What do you mean, car trouble?”
He pointed to the hood of the car, although I couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. “The radiator’s busted. I called someone.”
I looked around. We were in the middle of nowhere, one winding road leading between the trees that pressed close around us like giant hands cupping me in. I felt claustrophobic, suddenly unable to breathe.
“Can’t you fix it?” I asked.
The driver twisted in his seat. “It won’t take long for them to come. You’ve been asleep since before I called.”
I opened the car door and climbed out, desperate for fresh air. I took a deep breath, sucking in the forest air. I felt less trapped, but I also felt incredibly small.
Being between the trees felt ominous for some reason. I felt like I was being watched. There could be a million eyes around me, looking at me. I shivered at the thought. It was strange; when I’d been with Viktor, I’d felt safe in the woods. It hadn’t been scary or daunting or eerie. Now that I was without him, even when the driver was with me, I felt lost and out of place. And vulnerable.