I thought about her the whole fucking time. I’d moved to a different cabin, a little further up the mountain. Away from the place that held all the memories. Away from where anyone could find me if they decided to come back without Maksim’s orders.
It hadn’t helped. She was still everywhere.
I’d washed my sheets so many times I was surprised the shit didn’t disintegrate. But in the mornings, I woke up with her scent in my nostrils, a raging hard on, and a broken heart.
Axel had come to check on me a couple of times, ask me if I had plans for Christmas. I hadn’t even realized it was Christmas. I’d appreciated his concern. He hadn’t understood why I’d left her. He’d been just as shocked as she’d been. The thing was, I didn’t belong in her life. I didn’t fit in her world. Angela was everything that was good and pure, and she deserved to have only the best. And I wasn’t the best. I was fucking far from it.
Besides, she was in Chicago living a new life, one that would allow her to go places. An angel like her deserved to soar, not to be bogged down in the forest without electricity, living in a tiny cabin that barely had enough hot water for two people. The life I had wasn’t what I wanted to give her.
She deserved more. I couldn’t allow her to settle for less. I couldn’t allow her to settle for me.
I’d taken care of my past. For the first time in years, I hadn’t checked my satellite equipment in weeks. The battery was charged; I’d set it up just in case. But Maksim was dead, and his business had fallen apart. After the team had come in to take care of the bodies – a team I’d used many times while in Russia – I’d gone back to check on the radar to look for movement.
One by one, over the course of the next few days, the lights had gone out. The men were removing their tracking chips. They’d moved on to greener pastures.
And I was here in the mountains, alone, doing my own thing. I wasn’t on the run anymore, I wasn’t hiding. I was just a man now. I headed out into the forest just after sunrise one morning. I had my hunting rifle with me, and I moved through the trees silently. I was stalking a deer. Following animals was a lot better than having to hunt down humans. I enjoyed the trek, moving downwind so that the deer didn’t pick up my scent.
The animal was beautiful. It seemed a shame to kill it, but I only killed what I had to eat.
When the deer paused to nibble on a patch of fresh grass, I aimed, letting out a breath to steady myself, and started squeezing the trigger. Before the bullet left the barrel, I let go of the trigger and lowered the gun. Today, I would let the beautiful creature live. I had a few non-perishables left. Tomorrow, I would hunt again. And soon, I would go into town to stock up on goods.
I’d been avoiding town. It reminded me of her. Fucking everything reminded me of her. I lowered the gun and my head, sorrow in my heart.
Something rustled behind me, a twig snapped, and when I spun around to see who or what had crept up on me, she was there. Like a vision. An angel. Perhaps a Christmas miracle.
I blinked a few times.
“Viktor,” she said, and her voice was music to my ears.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. She tilted her head a little. “And how the hell did you find me?”
A small smile played around her lips. “Someone taught me how to navigate the forest once.”
Holy shit, if she wasn’t the hottest thing on two legs right now, I wouldn’t know what was.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
I nodded curtly. Seeing her was going to fuck me up. I was already struggling to forget about her, and this was just going to start the whole thing all over again. But when she asked me like that, I wanted to give her to the whole world.
We walked a short distance to a clearing where a fallen log had become a seat I often used. It looked out over a different part of the valley.
“I’ve forgotten how peaceful it is out here,” she commented after a short silence.
“I bet. You’ve been in the city.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t go to the city, Viktor.”
“What?” I asked, frowning. “I thought you had that job lined up. That you were leaving so you could live the life you always dreamed of.”
She sighed. “You were right, you know.”
“About?”
I couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked out over the valley, but I only had eyes for her. She was so beautiful. I traced the profile of her face with my eyes while she looked away; long lashes that brushed her cheeks when she blinked, her delicate nose, her perfect lips. God, I wanted to kiss her so badly.
Control, I told myself. I had to control myself.
“I wasn’t doing it for me. I was only doing it for my mom. And that would never have made me happy. I can’t keep living for other people. My mom went through a terrible thing, and I will always be there for her when she needs me. But I need to live for myself, too. Or my life would mean nothing.”
I nodded. She turned to me, her eyes bright. “So, I’m here in Grizzly Falls. It’s what I want. And I want you, too.”
“Me?” I asked.
I sounded like a fool, asking her one-word questions. But I was reeling inside. My mind spun a mile a minute, my heart fluttered in my chest, and my blood rushed in my ears. I couldn’t think straight when she was around. I just wanted to kiss her and touch her. I wanted to pull her against me. Or under me.
“I’m in love with you, Viktor,” she said. “I know you think we don’t belong together, but I don’t agree.”
How the fuck was I supposed to argue with that? But I couldn’t do this to her. I opened my mouth to tell her as much, but she reached up and lightly pressed her fingers against my lips, stopping me from talking.
No one told me what to do. No one. But when she touched me like that, I melted. And stayed silent.
“I don't want to argue about it. I know you think your past defines you in a way that makes it impossible for us to be together. I saw what happened that day, I saw what you did to Maksim. But I don’t see you as a killer. I don’t see your past when I look at you, Viktor. I see the man I want to spend my future with.”
She slowly withdrew her hand, and her eyes searched my face, looking for an answer to her speech.
I didn’t know what to say. I’d never been accepted by anyone the way she accepted me. I’d never been allowed to be myself the way I was around her. I was a hard fucker, used to surviving. But when she was around, she turned me to jelly, showing me that I was soft inside.
Showing me that I was worthy of love.
I grabbed her and kissed her. Angela yelped in surprise when I grabbed her, but she melted against me right away, kissing me back. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her body pressed against mine, and I was aware of her curves, her breasts against my chest, her lips against mine.
Fuck, I wanted her.
“Come,” I said when we finally broke the kiss.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Home.” I took her hand in mine and took her to my cabin.
Our cabin.
Angela
What was going on in his head? We stood in the same room, but I felt like I couldn’t reach him, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I felt like he wasn’t telling me something. And I couldn’t force it out of him.